tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36780632024-03-08T07:41:53.196+08:00Ramblings of A Bonafide MadmanI cut in line, I bled to death. When I got to you there was nothing left.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1151125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-8537756890926219462020-04-23T19:38:00.001+08:002020-04-23T20:08:33.451+08:00Covid-19: Lock-down Day 16I must have lost 50kg in the last 2 weeks from the lack of food. As my stomach growls in protest, I can't help but remember how not too long ago how I was enjoying my meals at the Ritz Carlton, Mortons, Aston's Specialities, Manhattan Fish Market, etc; stuffing myself silly with a glass of champagne to wash it all down. Those days of fine dining are but a dream now. Now it's just gruel with pieces of long rotten fruit for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I have even resorted to eating my own hair to make up for the lack of protein. I can no longer watch porn because it consumes too much energy to jerk off. Yes, I am in pure survival mode right now. Most days I just lie in bed staring outside my window, staring at the vultures in the trees staring back at me. I think they know that I do not have much time left, you can almost see them smacking their lips in anticipation as they watch me. I close my eyes and stay still, daring them to come in and take a bite, not that I had any more meat left to give.<br />
<br />
My phone beeps. It's a text message. I am a bit surprised, I couldn't remember the last time I communicated with someone since all this happened. I reach for it slowly, trying to minimize the use of my muscles. It was a short message by an unknown number and it simply said "Be downstairs at your lobby at 1 am."<br />
<br />
I didn't know what to make of it. Was it someone trying to lure me out so that they can ransack my place I wondered, although that would be pointless, I have already sold anything remotely valuable that I owned for food a long time ago. But I had nothing left to lose. Even if they wished me harm I would welcome it; a quick death to end this miserable existence seemed very appealing right now.<br />
<br />
It was already midnight. I got up and showered, the first time I did in weeks. When you are dying of hunger, hygiene isn't the top of your priorities. But if I was going to die, I wanted to look good. I put my clothes and looked in the mirror, they hung on my thin emaciated body, making me look almost like a skeleton. How apt.<br />
<br />
It was 2 mins to 1 am. I went down and waited. It was dead quiet, there was no one around at all. I looked at my watch, it was 105am. Still nothing. I took out my phone and messaged back that I was here and waited. No response. I decided I will wait a little longer. Hope is a horrible thing, especially when you are desperate. I didn't really care what they wanted, I just wanted to talk to someone again just so I know I was still alive.<br />
<br />
130am and nothing. I was alone and I accepted the harsh reality - no one was coming. It was probably just some cruel prank. People have become crueler since the lockdown, turning on each other as they all fight for survival. I turned around, ready to head back home and right in front of me was a filled plastic bag on the floor. I picked it up, and inside was a whole lot of food. Home-cooked, deliciously smelling food. I quickly rushed into my apartment, double-bolting the front door. I opened the containers and I found heaven, or more specifically vindaloo and chappati. It was like I was back at Aston's again, if Aston's served Indian food.<br />
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I wolfed it down in a matter of minutes and it was gone. Suddenly I had a reason to live again, I felt full of energy ready to go. I immediately fired up YouTube and started doing a body combat exercise, they been showing them for free these past few weeks. I haven't felt this happy in a long time. I glared at the vultures outside my window, and they immediately flew off, they knew I was no longer going to be a viable meal for them.<br />
<br />
It happened again the next week, and this time it was gumbo and spaghetti.<br />
<br />
After carefully examining the containers, I have deduced that this was most likely from my friends Fai and Bernie as I remember seeing the same containers at their place when I was there before. Also, there was a note saying it was them. It was a bit surprising because we have all but lost contact since the lockdown, but my eyes welled up as I realized the truth - they figured out I was close to death, so I decided to drop me some food without breaking the rules, hence the secrecy. <br />
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Your secret is safe with me guys, but just let you know, it's almost the end of the week and I haven't gotten any text yet, so here's a friendly reminder in case it slipped your mind. Thank you for the food you brought me and the food that you will bring to me every week from now on. Once this is over, I will reward you with highly discounted reiki sessions at your convenience, it is the least I can do.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-84172369950144571452020-04-07T19:45:00.001+08:002020-04-08T02:00:21.829+08:00Covid-19: Lock-down Day 1The first thing I noticed when I woke up this morning was that something was vastly different.<br />
<br />
There were no birds chirping outside my window. They were still there, but it was almost like they knew things have changed, that there was no longer any reason to sing. They just stood there silently, as if in anticipation. Of what, I do not know, but I knew it wasn't anything good. One of them looked right at me, with an almost pleading look. "Help me..." it seemed to say as it opened and closed its beak, voicelessly.<br />
<br />
Alas, there was nothing I could do for it. I got ready like I always do each morning, but I was no longer getting ready for work. That is something of the past, and probably something I would never do ever again. Instead, I went to get some breakfast nearby. I did not manage to get any supplies from the supermarkets before the horde invaded them, so I was left depending on others for my sustenance.<br />
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As I walked around looking for food, I walked past a man sitting on the ground. He stretched out his hand hopefully as I neared him. I reached into my pocket for some change, but instead, he shook his head no and croaked out hopefully - "Mask?". This is the new normal, where people are begging for masks rather than for money. I instinctively reached out to my face, protecting the mask with my fingers, as if worried that he might rob me of it. Instantly, I felt ashamed. Ashamed that fear has made me behave like this towards a man who was just looking for help. I shed a silent tear and told him I am sorry, and walked quickly by, trying to drown out the curses behind me. He would not last a week without a mask, but there is nothing anyone could do.<br />
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As I continued walking, more in desperation rather than the hope of finding food, I noticed others doing the same too. We were all like zombies, shuffling around, hungry and near lifeless. Whatever was left of our humanity was the only thing driving us to find food, to try and survive. I couldn't help but notice their eyes darting around in fear as they shambled past. I couldn't tell if it was the fear of starving to death, or simply the fear that even if they could find food that it might not be enough for their own family. And that was when I realized that my own eyes were darting around just like them.<br />
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I finally found an open cafe and I walked in. The lone person managing the cafe looked at me uneasily as I walked in.<br />
<br />
"Please leave, we have no more food anymore. Please leave, before you attract the others."<br />
<br />
"I have money, all I want is a bowl of laksa."<br />
<br />
I took out a 100 dollar bill and placed it on the counter.<br />
<br />
"This is all yours. Just for one bowl."<br />
<br />
I didn't try pulling on his heartstrings by telling him I haven't eaten in a week, simply because he probably heard the same thing from everyone else by now.<br />
<br />
The bill quickly disappeared from the counter, and he gestured me through the staff entrance and told me to wait there. After 10 minutes he emerged from the kitchen with a brown paper bag. I looked inside and it was a tiny container with laksa. I didn't bother bargaining, I knew that was all he could afford to give me.<br />
<br />
I quickly rushed back to my home as fast as I could, before someone smelt the food in my bag, I did not want to wait and see if I was strong enough to fight off someone if they tried to take it from me. But I was suddenly stopped in my tracks again, this time by a frightening sound. It was the sound of incessant coughing. As I turned the corner, I saw the creature who made that sound. It was a toddler, no older than 5, sitting on the pavement coughing, with her mask beside her. She had taken off her mask!!! Her mom was beside her, looking at her in shock and horror, tears streaming down her face. A crowd began to form if you can call it that, as everyone stood at least a metre from each other. She looked around helplessly till she caught my stare, her eyes pleading; I could tell she wanted me to tell her what she should do. But we both knew there was only one thing left to do, and I replied silently with a nod to let her know that. A look of resignation came over her face, but it lasted no more than a fleeting moment before it was gone. She wiped her eyes dry, gave the kid a final look and started walking away. Her child looked at her bewildered as she walked away, unable to comprehend what is happening. When she finally did, she started bawling even louder.<br />
<br />
The crowd dissipated immediately, the toddler's cries seemly inaudible to our ears; unfortunately, there was nothing we could do for her anymore, she had to survive on her own. It would be near impossible, but I muttered a silent prayer to God to help her nonetheless, that was the least I could do.<br />
<br />
Back home, I quietly unpacked my food. Normally this is when I would wolf it down in a matter of seconds. But as I looked at the pitiful portion in front of me I couldn't help but break down in tears. I wasn't crying for myself. I was crying for the toddler. I was crying for the mom who had to leave her behind. And I was crying for the beggar who I couldn't help. This is the new normal. I don't know how long I can keep living this way, the pain, and suffering is just too much to handle.<br />
<br />
After what seemed like an eternity, I stopped crying. I wiped my tears and started eating. This is the new normal.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-18068041689413808832018-09-02T23:09:00.003+08:002018-09-02T23:09:22.914+08:00My first experience with New Creation ChurchSo on a whim, I decided to check out a service at New Creation Church out of curiosity. A friend of mine kindly got me and another friend tickets. It was an interesting experience, to say the least, and here is my honest review.<br /><br />But before that my background. I am an atheist now, but I was raised a Catholic. I got pretty bored with mass so I stopped going after I got confirmed at 16, and i would say i was an agnostic theist till maybe 2 years ago when I started examining the concept of God and realise that a lot of what I thought as given were actually false or unsubstantiated.<br />
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Firstly, the setup was mightily impressive. It was like a full-on performance, the band was really good (the drummer was a god ;)). The songs were pretty catchy and you could see people slowly getting into it with every passing song. In the beginning, only a few people raised their hands in praise, but by the 3rd or 4th song, almost everyone did so, and by the end everyone was pretty much in some sort of euphoria. There was also a video camera mounted on one of those moving rigs that was going around capturing the congregation and periodically they would display someone deep in worship or song on the screen. There was also a photographer going around taking pictures as well, a few times he stopped at my row but I guess i kinda spoiled the shot cos i wasn't really "participating".<br /><br />The songs were again catchy as hell and most of them end with repeating the same few lines in a crescendo, and especially one of them it's pretty hard not to sing along so I actually did. <br /><br />Then came the guest pastor Judah on stage. He is definitely very charismatic and very American, and his style reminds me of those black Christian pastors you see on tv. He spoke about his life and his family, and his history (he is a 7th generation pastor in his family) , and then he narrated a very interesting story about how he did not realize there is an arrow on top of the fuel gauge despite driving for umpteen years that told you which side of the car the fuel tank is at. It was to highlight that people sometimes don't see what is right in front of them no matter how many times they see it, and he was relating it to people and Jesus. <br /><br />He then spoke about the parable about the Samaritan, and how the Samaritan brought the Jew to the inn and paid the innkeeper to take care of him and that he will be back if he needs more money. He related it to the Samaritan being Jesus, we being the jew who was robbed and beaten and the innkeeper as those who were saved and were holding the place for others who needed Jesus's help.<br /><br />The last story he mentioned was how as a kid in Sunday school, all his answers to his teacher asking who did several things in the Bible (who killed Goliath, who parted the sea) were "Jesus", and his teacher couldn't correct him because he was right. And he tied it back to the Samaritan and the fuel gauge story by saying the answer is always Jesus, but as we grow older we forget that.<br /><br />K that was the summary. Now my review. I can see the appeal of the church, it is really different from the Catholic masses I used to attend. Those were boring and tedious and full of rituals, and you had to kneel and stand and sit and repeat. This church threw all of that away and just focused on engagement. Even holy communion was pre-prepared for everyone and was over in a jiff, compared to the 10 mins it took in a Catholic mass as everyone went up to receive it. The main gist of the service was the songs and the sermon. If I had tried this church soon after I stopped going to my old one, I think I would probably be a loyal member now.<br /><br />Now the bad part. The whole presentation was very slick and pre-rehearsed for maximum effect, and it shows. It came off a bit artificial for me, but then again it could be my lack of familiarity talking so it's not a big criticism. <br /><br />My bigger issue was Pastor Judah. As I thought more about his sermon, the more I felt it was more style over substance. The analogy seemed a bit weak, I would have said that the innkeeper was referring to the pastors who God assigned to take care of his flock till his return. But again, it's a minor criticism. But the biggest issue was the statement that Jesus is always the answer, and this is when my skepticism came alive. That sort of message, while inspirational, only applies to people like those in the congregation who live pretty decent lives as compared to those living in poverty. To someone who is struggling to feed her kids or herself, that advice sounds hollow. To someone struggling to find a roof over their heads, that advice sounds hollow. It came off to me as advice for a first world congregation. <br /><br />As a Catholic, I used to face some issues too, and after I prayed eventually those problems went away. As I grew older, I continued to face other issues, but I no longer prayed, and guess what? Those problems eventually resolved themselves too. The reason is that for most of us living here, our problems are not insurmountable and we eventually learn to resolve them or get past them and carry on with our lives. But of course, because so many people pray to god when they have such problems, they end up thinking God was the one who solved them once they are resolved, and it strengthens their belief that God solves everything. But such advice will not help an abused spouse or child, and in fact, can actually harm them because they might just rely on Jesus instead of actually looking to someone for help. I wish he had said that while the answer is Jesus, that you should look out for others who can help you through him, especially when things seem desperate. The problem with words is they can be interpreted in so many different ways, and as someone who has such an influence on his congregation, he should be more aware of some of the interpretations that could end up being more harmful than good.<br /><br /><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-13527656828492385432018-03-29T17:48:00.004+08:002018-09-02T23:13:29.350+08:005 things i learned from my recent ordeal<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="4m7ld" data-offset-key="663bg-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
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<span data-offset-key="663bg-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />Thanks to all of you for your support during these trying few days. I have come to terms with my loss, but now I feel the need to share it with random people (most of whom I haven't met in a while) to make it real - like they say, if no one hears a scream in <span style="font-family: inherit;">the </span>woods, was there really <span style="font-family: inherit;">one</span>? (I don't know who "they" is, ask them yourselves!)</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="8l5es-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">But yes I would like to share some important lessons from my recent disaster. Yes, in every dark cloud lies a silver lining, and mine is reflecting on my poor choices that could have averted this <span style="font-family: inherit;">ordeal<span style="font-family: inherit;">.</span></span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="664hv-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">1. Don't take selfies in the toilet cubicle. <br /><br />I was bored, and in a foreign country with no data plan, what else was I supposed to do? Well not take selfies I guess but hindsight is 20/20. I could have meditated instead or found something to do with my hands. But the truth is I was going to send it to a special someone as a surprise. Pity her, she lost a wonderful gift due to my negligence. It was such a nice toilet some more.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="ejmro-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">2. Don't use a password manager for your Google account password.<br /><br />Here is where the tech security experts are going to go rabid. Well screw you, you are the reason why I lost my phone. I listened to you and had an impossible to guess 16-characters alphanumeric password. Well, when I lost my phone my first instinct was to use my friend's phone to use the find my device feature (you can make it ring for 5 minutes) then I realized I had no idea what my password was. So no, next time just stick to a password you can remember, at least for Google! </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="ejmro-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">3. Lie and <span style="font-family: inherit;">say it was sto<span style="font-family: inherit;">len next time and claim insurance<span style="font-family: inherit;">.</span></span></span></span><br />My insurance claim was rejected because it was due to my negligence as<span style="font-family: inherit;"> '</span>it was not in my possession when it was stolen'. I should have s<span data-offset-key="ejmro-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">ai<span style="font-family: inherit;">d <span style="font-family: inherit;">in my report that while I was taking a dump a wizard flew above my <span style="font-family: inherit;">cubicle and used the force to pull the phone towards him and I couldn't<span style="font-family: inherit;"> do anything because I was literally caught with my pants down</span>. That <span style="font-family: inherit;">probably would have l<span style="font-family: inherit;">et me get some money back from my insur<span style="font-family: inherit;">ance. K of course , I am <span style="font-family: inherit;">just kidding la , please do<span style="font-family: inherit;"> not commit insurance fraud.<br /><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">4. <span style="font-family: inherit;">P<span style="font-family: inherit;">ut a hex on your phone once you buy a new one<span style="font-family: inherit;">.<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />Find your <span style="font-family: inherit;">friendly <span style="font-family: inherit;">neighborhood bomoh or those <span style="font-family: inherit;">Chinese <span style="font-family: inherit;">me<span style="font-family: inherit;">diums</span> wit<span style="font-family: inherit;">h those imps an<span style="font-family: inherit;">d get t<span style="font-family: inherit;">hem <span style="font-family: inherit;">to like curse the phone so that if anyone except you uses it , <span style="font-family: inherit;">they will be c<span style="font-family: inherit;">ursed to be haunted by a wandering spirit. This is also usef<span style="font-family: inherit;">ul to stop <span style="font-family: inherit;">friends from snooping on y<span style="font-family: inherit;">our phone<span style="font-family: inherit;">. At least the next time s<span style="font-family: inherit;">omeone steals it they wil<span style="font-family: inherit;">l <span style="font-family: inherit;">g<span style="font-family: inherit;">et it</span></span>. Assuming they aren<span style="font-family: inherit;">'<span style="font-family: inherit;">t an atheist<span style="font-family: inherit;">. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-offset-key="ejmro-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">5. Put a pentagram/random <span style="font-family: inherit;">Arabic</span> words with some <span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">djinn</span>(<span style="font-family: inherit;"> I think tha<span style="font-family: inherit;">t's their version ofa demon <span style="font-family: inherit;">in muslim culture</span></span></span>) </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> as your lock screen wallpaper. <br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">K kind of r<span style="font-family: inherit;">iding on my <span style="font-family: inherit;">last point but </span></span></span>screw yo<span style="font-family: inherit;">u it's <span style="font-family: inherit;">my blog. Yes<span style="font-family: inherit;">, ma<span style="font-family: inherit;">ybe if I <span style="font-family: inherit;">make it scary enough t<span style="font-family: inherit;">hey won<span style="font-family: inherit;">'t steal it even if they see it. <br /><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">I will be implementing some of these measures ( not insurance fraud one<span style="font-family: inherit;">) , let's see how they turn out<span style="font-family: inherit;">. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-90688603080561791982017-09-01T11:22:00.002+08:002017-09-01T13:32:12.008+08:00Breath Diet<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="fmbtv" data-offset-key="frgkr-0-0" style="background-color: white;">
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">So apparently there's this new fad going around called the Breath Diet. </span></span><br />
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Basically, by breathing vigorously in a specific position for 5 minutes a day, you can lose weight. The founder realised this method works for weight loss by accident when he was doing these exercises for his back pain.
I have so many problems with this. Let me list them for you:
1. It claims the increased intake of oxygen will lead to increased burning of fat. This is bloody pseudo-science.
Science has shown that the only effective way to burning fat is through med to high-intensity exercise.
2. Correlation vs causation
Assuming he is telling the truth, there is zero evidence that the breathing was what led to his weight loss. Just because two things happened at the same time does not necessarily mean one thing caused the other. If I started losing weight around the same time I start being extra creepy around women, does that mean being creepy helps people lose weight?
3. He is an actor.
Why the hell would anyone look to an actor for health tips?? I don't understand why people love to follow health advice from celebrities (Gwyneth Paltrow is another one, although I am very ok with her advising women on how to have anal sex, that's perfectly fine). It's as dumb as letting a politician advise you on whether climate change is real and no one does that do they?</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span> <span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">4. Why 5 minutes? </span></span><br />
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How did he come up with the magic number of 5 minutes? Why not 10? Or 2 minutes? I did not see any explanation for this number.
1. Counter-argument 1: People have apparently tried it and it works
If a million people try it (apparently he sold a million books or videos in Japan), some of them will lose weight, but it might not mean they lost weight because of this "diet". These people would have lost weight either way even without doing this diet, but because the weight loss happened while they did this diet, they will then believe this is the reason (correlation, confirmation bias). This is very naive.
Let me give you an example. Let's say I was a con man and I start going around the hospitals in Singapore claiming that I have magical powers that can heal the sick. I start praying (fake praying of course) for all the very sick people there. Out of a 1000 people I do this for, there is a pretty decent chance that some of them might get a bit better, and if I am really lucky a few of them might even recover fully. These people would have gotten better even if I didn't visit them but they will remember me praying for them so they will immediately point to me or God as the reason for their recovery. The majority of those who did not get better will ignore the fact that my prayers didn't work because they were no worse off than before. This is what is happening here as well, and this is what is known as confirmation bias. And this is why faith healers are bullshit too. </span></span><br />
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2. Counter-argument 2: It's only 1 minute a day, it's no harm doing it, what if it works then you benefitted from it.
This sounds like an almost valid argument, but here is my counter. If I say to you if you call my name 3 times before you sleep you will be safe from harm because I will watch over you, would you do it? Obviously not, even if it takes minimal effort because it is bloody ridiculous. Ditto with respect to this, I would get the same benefit by praying to God for weight loss. And even if it works, how do I know it is because of the breathing? (see counter-argument 1)
If this thing was real, he could provide it by doing a scientific study (I can bet given how popular it is, he will have no issue getting scientists to test his claim). But he will not because he knows it will be debunked as soon as he does it.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am begging you all who want to believe this nonsense, just think through it logically. And not just this, but also other fads like juice diets that are supposed to detox your body (nonsense), foot pads that drain the toxins out of your body (more nonsense). Stop believing what these celebrities or other people tell you, and listen to doctors and scientists.
Rant over. Selamat Hari Raya!
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-84642546315762869952017-05-11T21:58:00.001+08:002017-05-11T21:59:27.063+08:00A Handmaid's Tale<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
A couple of things that came to my mind while I was watching A Handmaid's Tale , i am now on episode 5. For those who are not aware of the show, it's about a dystopian future (is there any other type of future in Hollywood?) where due to poor fertility, fertile women are captured and forced to be slaves (ahem handmaids) to rich powerful couples who want a child. No prizes for guessing how they use these women. (Super duper mild spoilers, if you can even call them that)</div>
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1. No<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">t a fan of the lead actress , they should have gotten Megan Fox.<br />2. These are the most covered sex slaves in any show ever made about sex slaves.<br />3. Asian women must not be very fertile in the future despite having the highest birth rates currently, as I did not see a single Asian handmaid so far. At least they have black handmaids.<br />4. This would make a really twisted but entertaining porn parody. I am already writing the screenplay in my head.<br />5. Joseph Fiennes is back!! Haven't seen him since that sex movie with Heather Graham.<br />6. Gilmore Girl Rory as a handmaid? I am not sure I am cool with that.<br />7. Why not handmaiden instead of handmaid? What's the difference anyway?<br />8. Scrabble? Really?<br />9. It would be awesome to be a man in this future. For women, not so much.<br />10. It would have been really cool if the handmaids were called that because they had to use their hands to ....you know....</span></div>
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This is a really good show , but super disturbing. Go catch it.</div>
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<br />
from Facebook<br />
via <a href="http://ift.tt/16Xitlp">IFTTT</a>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-80248346861387936912017-04-12T22:06:00.002+08:002017-04-12T22:29:12.954+08:00Another day , another walk. Truth be told, I had spent the day in quiet reflection on my actions 2 days ago. Sure, these old people did not really matter, but does that mean I should have treated them as I did? These thoughts weighed heavily on my mind and slowed me considerably as I trudged along the gravelly path around Bedok Reservoir. Guilt is such a heavy cross to bear, especially when you are speed walking. <br />
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And then , out of the corner of my big beautiful eyes, I saw him. He was barely a blur , but I knew it had to be him. I clenched my fists and waited for him to catch up to me . A minute later, the race was afoot!<br />
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As expected he took an early lead but I managed to maintain a quick enough pace that I wasn't that far behind but it was definitely a struggle, considering unlike my adversary I did not benefit from any performance enhancing drugs. Suddenly, and I swear this is true, he turned back to me and said "Indian Stallion? More like Indian Buffalo!! HAHAHA!!". My nostrils flared at that horrible insult and I walked even faster. My lungs were literally bursting trying to get more air than they ever had to before. My heart was pumping so fast that blood started oozing out of the pores in my chest . Yet no matter how much I tried I still couldn't catch up to him.<br />
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I knew I could not keep this up without endangering my life, so dejectfully I slowed down, conceding defeat. But then suddenly a beautiful woman in a white dress ran up alongside me and whispered into my ear. "Don't give up , my lovely Stallion" she said. I did not know who she was or why she was trying to help me, but I heeded her advice and sped up once more. If I died doing this, so be it . There are few worthier causes to die for.<br />
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The next few minutes were a blur. I looked down at my feet and they were moving so fast I could barely make them out. I looked up and it was as if time stood still , no one else was moving except me and the old man. The lady was nowhere to be seen.<br />
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Nearing the (imaginary) finish line at the entrance of the park, we were neck to neck . With my last ounce of energy I thrusted my chest forward. It was enough to beat him. I screamed out in joy and raised my right fist in triumph, while pointing at him with my left index finger. He looked at me quizzically and said something in Chinese that sounded like "Sent Ching Ping" and sped off . I do not know what it means, but if I had to guess it probably means "Great walker, you have bested me and now I shall slink away in shame." .<br />
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Mystery woman , whoever you are, thank you. Also you were kinda hot so I would love to take you out sometime if we ever meet again.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-41542443214204015232016-10-27T13:44:00.000+08:002016-10-27T13:44:08.889+08:00Happy Ever Laughter - ReviewI have always been a fan of standup, but I have to admit I haven't gone to that many local ones since I don't really have many friends who like them. I have spent quite a lot of time on youtube watch people like Jimmy Carr, Louis CK , but my favorite are the Celebrity Roasts where comedians go at each other with some of the most mean and jaw dropping insults. So I was looking forward to watching our local comedians do their thing as well , each one had around 10 mins for their part. Unfortunately the show did not live up to its title.<br />
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Firstly the good. Rishi and Kumar were easily the best of the bunch. I preferred Rishi's set because his humor was a bit sharper, he poked fun at the absurdity of MDA's attempts at censorship when the comedians were looking to perform on live TV. ("MDA chief - We had an internal meeting on "ku ku chao" and we can allow it.") . Kumar did rely on his usual sexual jokes (this time it revolved around how nurses should wear sexy outfits and he came out in such a uniform to hammer the point) but they were still funny. But it felt really short , and ended very abruptly.<br />
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The next best performer was a surprise, it was Suhaimi Yusof. I seen him on local TV in the past and I never liked him because he always over-acts and it was annoying, However, he was surprisingly quite comfortable and laid back on stage and he had this aura of a pakcik telling stories that made him really likeable and relatable. He had some very clever word gags ("I was a master-debater in school and my mentor was Pa Chu Cheng") that were quite hilarious. And he demonstrated his voice-over ability by imitating Darth Vader, Optimus Prime and Megatron amazingly well.<br />
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Fakkah and Dosh were decent, their jokes were mainly around race . Dosh had a few about being mistaken for a Malay that were quite funny. Pretty ok overall. Sharul was ok but not as memorable as the last time I saw her, ditto for Hossan Leong, im struggling to remember any of their jokes now though.<br />
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K now the bad. And these were really bad. The best of the lot , and I am using the word "best" very loosely was Sebastian Tan aka the Broadway Beng. First of all , he was talking way too much in Teochew/Hokkien(?) to the point that I felt I was at the wrong show. Secondly, he just wasn't funny, and worst of all he ended with this pointless medley where the entire joke was him replacing words in famous songs with "gout" which he had recently contracted. I don't know why that's funny.<br />
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Fairing slightly worse was Judee Tan. She was playing this linguistically challenged TCM practitioner and was doing this really annoying voice that was incredibly grating and also made it hard to make out what she was saying sometimes.<br />
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The worst performance of the night was a toss up between Patricia Mok and Siti K. Patricia Mok , like Suhaimi was doing her first ever stand-up, but that is the only similarity between them . She was painfully unfunny, with very poor timing and seems to lack an understanding of how punchlines work or even what they are. Siti K had this really horrible idea where she pretended she was an ex-model and was hosting a talk show called Secrets Shhh or something like that. It was as awkward as it sounds.<br />
<br />
So all in all, there were 3 decent ones, 3 ok ones, and 4 really awful ones. I think Patricia is not ready for stand up and it was a mistake to put her up there, she seems woefully out of her depth. Siti K according to my friend is hilarious in the other plays she seen her in, so maybe she went with the wrong concept. For Judee and Sebastian Tan, i am not a fan of character type of stand ups, because it gets very limiting after a while. All in all , its hard to justify paying 80 over dollars for this kind of caliber, think I might stick to YouTube or those stand up nights at bars.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-24098741264985409502016-03-07T15:14:00.000+08:002016-03-07T15:14:25.421+08:00Not cut out for charity<div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 14px;">
Conversation I had a week ago.</div>
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Friend: Hi, I am helping out in this charity where they are cooking food and delivering them to the underprivileged. Would you like to help out ?
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Me: Sure , why not, sounds like a good cause. When and where?
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Friend: The date is still to be confirmed but you will have to report at around 5 am. I will let you know soon.
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Me: 5 am?? Why poor people eat so early?? </div>
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Yes, I know, I know, I am going to hell. I don’t think I will hear back from her. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-7894935652659842182016-02-22T11:03:00.001+08:002016-02-22T11:03:22.301+08:00Hi everyone,<br />
<br />
I've decided to do something that will end my life. I have been thinking about it for a while now as I know it has to be done. Yes, I am committing suicide. I know you may have questions for me and I will answer them real soon, just send them real fast because it will be hard for me to answer once I am dead. Meanwhile, be happy for me, cos my life sucks so I can’t wait for the sweet relief of death. <br />
<br />
K just kidding of course. I just wanted to use my reach to let you guys, the people I care about most, know how important it is to get insurance. The nice thing about NTUC insurance is that if you ever contemplate committing suicide in the future, rest assured that they will still payout your death benefit , as long as it is after 1 year from the date of signing the policy!*# So please sign up with them now so that you can have the peace of mind that even if you jump off a building one year from now, your loved ones will be fully taken care of. Use my promo code SUICIDENOTSOSUCKYWITHNTUC and get 10% off now! <br />
<br />
*#Terms and conditions apply. Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-37190975096444406052014-09-23T22:23:00.001+08:002014-09-23T22:23:08.910+08:00People keep wondering why I don't keep my Note 2 in my pocket. It's kinda obvious, I only got room for 1 over-sized thing in my pants.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-13390973138277374742014-09-15T14:43:00.003+08:002014-09-15T14:43:46.518+08:00Grateful Challenge Day 6So I decided to continue this because honestly can we ever stop being grateful for what we have? <br />
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Gratitude No. 1 <br />
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I am grateful for the recent leaked celebrities pictures scandal (aka The Fappening) and the recent gmail password hack. These events have served to remind me of the need to always keep my password secure. Even my favourite person in the whole world (after Jesus) Kate Upton was not spared. I reached out to her through email and told her that I felt her pain and was there for her if she ever wanted to talk, and I am sure she looks great in those pictures which I didn’t view because of my respect for her. Alas she did not reply. I like almost everyone else, has numerous compromising photos of myself on iCloud which I always thought were completely secure and private. I also learned that myb1gsta11ionpen1s is not a secure password. <br />
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Gratitude No. 2 <br />
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So my birthday passed rather uneventfully last Saturday. I have to say I was more than a bit disappointed that the total sum of the gifts I received was well below 500. In my despair I cried out to God asking why was this happening to me. Usually I speak to God through King Kong but he was going through his own issues so I did not want to burden him further with my troubles, no matter how great they were. Amazingly God replied!! I think cos it was my birthday, but who am I to question the reason. And he was like take a chill pill Gilbert, I am truly sorry your birthday turned out to not what you expected, but maybe you need to look within yourself as to the reason for that. <br />
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And so I did and I realized he was right (is God ever wrong?) .I realized I had been presumptuous and completely unfair to my friends. I had posted my wish on my Facebook wall and simply assumed they all would have read it like they do every other post of mine. But now it was clear that many did not! So I am grateful for the fact that I managed to realize this with a little help from the J man. I will be emailing everyone my post from earlier so that can send me the appropriately priced gifts. Nice thing is that for Tamils , we celebrate our birthday up to a month after the actual date so it’s actually ok to send belated gifts. But to those of you who read and did not bother, you are DEAD to me. <br />
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An honorable mention to those who threw the nice bbq for me , although I was forced to share it with another friend who shared the same birth date as me. I wasn't too happy about it cos he was kind of stealing half my thunder ( I even had to co-blow the cake), but i decided to let it slide because that's who I am. <br />
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Gratitude No. 3<br />
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I am grateful for the security guard at the VFS India Visa Center who told me to put away my phone even after I pointed out the no phone rule seemed to be ONLY for talking on the phone according to the sign. Even though I did not understand how looking at my phone screen could affect anyone in their office, it had the effect of letting me sit there in quiet contemplation for the next hour while I waited for my turn. For that I am grateful. II can’t remember the last time I had the chance to listen to the continuous crying of a baby or the angry shouts of the man who apparently had a photo that wasn’t acceptable after waiting for an hour and a half as he complained as to why they could not have showed samples of unacceptable photos on their website , a rather legitimate complaint. <br />
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When it come to my turn , I was told I needed a letter from the company in Singapore (I didn’t) as well as a letter from the company in India (I did). I apologised and asked if I could fax over the other letter on Monday but they said no , that I had to come in and queue again to resubmit my application. And this is where I am now typing this. So I am grateful for that either I wouldn’t have the free time to type this while I wait for another hour. Thanks! Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-75377181922244120442014-09-07T11:21:00.001+08:002014-09-07T11:22:34.015+08:00I've been book-challenged by Val to list 10 books that reveal my 'book-self'<br />
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In Chronological order<br />
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1001 Arabian Nights - Thie first book I could remember reading , think I was 11 or 12. I remember being fascinated by the stories of Alladin and Ali Baba.<br />
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The Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula Le Guin - Probably the reason for me getting into fantasy. I still think Rowling ripped her off. <br />
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The Belgariad/Mallorean by David Eddings - Extremely funny and amazing characters. And Ce'Nedra was freaking hot. <br />
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The Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean M Auel - To be honest I don't remember anything about this book except that it had these amazing sex scenes in it. Yes I was a young perv, but this was pre-internet and it was pretty shocking to me. I can't remember the number of times I borrowed the book from the library. <br />
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The Empire Trilogy by Raymond E. Feist, Janny Wurts - If you like Game of Thrones , you will like this as well. Only difference is the protagonist is a woman who basically fights for her family's political survival after the death of her husband. <br />
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The Winslow Boy - My literature text and I absolutely loved it! It was a play about a father who sacrifices everything to prove his boy's innocence after he was expelled for stealing. <br />
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1001 Nights without Sex by Suzanne Schlosberg - I found this to be really funny and I loved her sense of humor <br />
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The Reluctant Fundamentalist by Mohsin Hamid - I loved the narrative style here, it was really unique. And it was quite tense as well , especially the ending. <br />
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The Kite Runner - The book that shocked me the most. Really graphic and some heart wrenching scenes in this one.<br />
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The Princess Bride - Probably the funniest book I ever read that has torture scenes in it. <br />
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So yea basically they are either fantasy or humor , except 2. Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-6846602043930498142014-09-03T16:23:00.001+08:002014-09-03T18:34:06.091+08:00Facebook Post<div xmlns='http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml'>Gratitude Challenge Day 5<br />
You may wonder why it has been so long since my last post for this Challenge. Or you might have not even noticed or cared, in which case I hate you so just stop reading here and go back to reading crap about Kim Kardashian or Bieber! But if you are not , the reason is it has been a trying few weeks for me , so much so that I have not been able to really feel any gratitude. I been going through quite a few rather painful experiences including, but not limited to a really horrid dental appointment, tiring house viewings (I am looking for an apartment) and stomach upsets caused by overeating. But this is not the whining challenge (although I would call it sharing instead of whining),so let me complete with the last 3 things I am grateful for.<br />
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1. I am grateful for Bah Kut Teh. Yes I cannot imagine a world without it , it is a world not worth living. Few things compare to that feeling of stripping the tender flesh off the bones with your teeth and savouring that wonderful taste. And the broth , it’s like tasting heaven itself. If you haven't tried it , you are totally missing out.<br />
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2. I am grateful for totally kicking ass at Scramble with Friends. Few things compare to totally kicking the asses of the people I play with without even making an effort. Sometimes I use my left hand just to make it a challenge , or even go make myself a cup of coffee or take a piss while I am playing a game. But I recognise that God through Pastor Kong is the one who gave me this God-given ability , and to them I am grateful. For maximum effect , I usually play Scramble after having Bah Kut Teh, it’s better than sex.<br />
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3. Finally , I am grateful to every person I met in this life, both the good and bad . I think I learnt something from every person I met . Either something that I admired in the person and tried to emulate , or a really bad trait that made me learn to avoid similar situations or people in the future. And the most important thing is probably without meeting all these people, I would never have met this wonderful current group of close friends I have now and totally adore and who I cannot imagine not being in my life. These are the same group of friends who I am very sure are planning something totally wonderful and unexpected for my birthday which is only 10 days away. Also I am sure they will all pool cash together to get me a gift no less than 500 dollars cos they are generous like that. I am very sure they will not disappoint me because that is the kind of friends they are.<br />
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So that is it for this challenge. It has been a very draining experience to say the least , and it has brought me to places I never been before. But I have completed it , and I think I am a better person for it. Shalom.<br />
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from Facebook<br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-90430613094459708502014-02-09T21:44:00.000+08:002014-02-09T21:44:12.895+08:00Life's ChallengesSometimes in life, you face seemingly impossible challenges. Challenges you never though you would ever have to face. Until the day when one of them drop right onto you, knocking the breath out of you literally suffocating you, leaving you no other choice than to face them head on. Tomorrow morning , I will be facing such a challenge. I am getting my wisdom teeth taken out, after which I will be unable to talk for up to a week. <br />
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Taking away the gift of speech from an Indian man (even if it is temporary) is as cruel as forcing a rich man to endure the stench of public transport. But to be honest, I am less concerned about my own well being. Instead I am more worried about my friends as they will miss the presence of my delightful and witty humour in their arguably mundane lives for the next few days. They are the ones I will have in my mind and in my heart, as I writhe around in unspeakable agony while forcing myself to eat baby food just to stay alive. <br />
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But this is life isn't it? How can you truly appreciate the beauty of what life has offered us, if you have not experienced the depths of ugliness that that same life can bring? No you cannot! And so I bravely take up this cross, for I do believe at the end of this excruciating journey there will be light. <br />
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I am no hero , just in case you wish to throw that meaningless title onto me. I am just a man who cares for his friends more than for himself. Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-90514273586434467712013-06-20T00:12:00.000+08:002013-06-20T00:12:01.061+08:00HazeWeather-induced emo rhyme from yours truly:<br />
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I look far and wide, hoping to return your gaze<br />
But it's a seemingly near impossibility in this horrid haze<br />
A cruel obstacle set before me, brought on by forests being set ablaze. <br />
Wait for me my dear, while I find my way out of this borderless maze. <br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-90569103688776808632013-06-18T16:07:00.003+08:002013-06-18T16:07:47.680+08:00Turning appliances off.I was out for lunch earlier and on the way back to the office I came across this girl on the street giving out brochures about being green . She handed me one and asked me if I remembered to turn off any unused electrical appliances before I left the office. I said yes but what I really wanted to say was "I can't remember, but if you give me a chance I am sure I can turn you on." Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-57459153875189443132013-06-03T09:36:00.002+08:002013-06-03T09:36:15.196+08:00Business Idea.A friend of mine recently asked me for help with moving furniture at her place. Apparently she consulted a feng shui master and he recommended shifting some of her furniture around for better qi or whatever they call it. I was just wondering, wouldn't it be much better if the feng shui guy has some tie-in with some moving/delivery that does the shifting for his clients? It would make so much sense. Like ok he can do his feng shui stuff and then just go , ok this is what is wrong with your setup and I will get my guys to set everything up the right way for you. <br />
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What do you think? Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-67408996176802484532013-05-17T00:16:00.002+08:002013-05-17T00:16:28.564+08:00Massage Experience in KLK I took a long time to decide if I wanted to share this. Sometimes memories are just too painful to relive through words, and what I experienced would fall into that category, but yes I decided it would be therapeutic to share so here we go.<br />
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I was in Kl a couple of months for the Urbanscape Festival to see Sigur Ros and also just hang out. It was a weekend so my friends and I decided to go for a massage. We found this decent looking massage place near a shopping mall and decided to check it out. There were around 5 of us so we were not very hopeful that we would all get masseuses but thankfully they did. Just as I was getting ready, the owner came up to me and said they only had a guy available for me, and whether I would mind having a guy massage me.<br />
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Well I never had a guy massage me before, and I was hesitant. But after thinking about it for a while, I figured it wouldn't be that bad. Little did I know what I was in for. <br />
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I went into the room. A rather good looking guy with a beaming smile awaited me. He asked me to strip. I did , to my boxers. He then asked me to take off the boxers. I asked him if there was any disposable undies I could use. He said I don't need it. <br />
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K this is probably the point where I should have said something like "no I will keep my boxers on thank you". I don't know why I didn't. Maybe I was tired. Maybe it was the strange tasting tea they gave me prior to the massage that had a inhibition-lowering effect. I don't know. So I stripped naked and lied down. <br />
<br />
So the massage started rather innocently, he started with my legs. It was really good. His strong arms kneaded and probed my tired legs , releasing the tension within them. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the tingling sensations, the soreness in my muscles slowly dissipating. He started to work on my thighs. I started to doze off. Everything was good. And then it happened.<br />
<br />
Contact. There was contact. I jerked awake and looked down. K relax, I said to myself. It was just an accident. That's what you get for having a huge penis. And then it happened again. And again. <br />
<br />
I have to say this is the first thing I remember another dude touching my junk, and it was not a pleasant experience. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. It was little brushes but still it felt awkward as hell. I could have at this time just said "Alright I think I need my boxers" or something, but I lay there frozen. Maybe it was the emotional trauma of being molested, I really don't know. I started to tell myself that this was normal, that I was just overreacting. But deep inside I knew I was lying to myself. <br />
<br />
Thankfully after 30 mins he moved on to the other parts of the body. But by then I was too traumatised to relax. I just lay there, eyes staring lifelessly at the ceiling while he finished what he started. At the end of it , I put my clothes on and quietly left the room, not looking back at all. I just wanted to get away from him, get away as far as I could. <br />
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So yes that will be my first and last massage by a guy like ever. Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-78161011548635459062012-10-14T22:42:00.002+08:002012-10-14T22:42:22.007+08:00Thoughts about Snow White and the HuntsmanWatched Snow White and the Huntsman today and noticed the following:<br />
<br />
1. Snow White looks surprising well-fed for someone who was kept in a dungeon for like 6+ years. That's one dungeon that takes its nutrition really seriously<br />
<br />
2. Apparently the dungeon has its own tailor/seamstress who measures and outfits the prisoners as they grow into adulthood.<br />
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3. Snow White, while being the fairest in the land, was definitely not the sharpest in the land. She didn't even realize there was a makeshift weapon outside her cell window until a bird showed it to her. You would have though she would have at least checked once in those 6+ years she was in the cell.<br />
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4. I sniggered when the mirror called Snow White pure of heart, cos you would never heard that phrase and "Kristen Stewart" in the same sentence.<br />
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5. Why would anyone believe a mirror that would say Kristen Stewart is more beautiful than Charlize Theron. How about getting a 2nd opinion from another mirror eh Queen? <br />
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6. Prince William was so bland that I wasn't actually shocked when Snow White failed to rise from the dead after he kissed her.<br />
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7. Evil queen could have at least have had sex with the king before killing him. I mean you are going to take over his land and kill his soldiers, the least you could have done is let him die happy you bitch. <br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-46759287088750140942012-08-02T18:27:00.000+08:002012-08-02T18:27:12.008+08:00Transformation.K so I figured I should blog at least once about the major thing that has happened in my life this year. It's my attempt at losing weight. <br />
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How did it start? Well I remember the first push was when I went to my family doctor late last year for a cold. She said the cold was not a big deal, but there was this worry in her eyes as she gave me the once over. She ended up taking my blood pressure after which she told me my blood pressure was borderline high, and if I didn't change my diet and start exercising, I would probably have to start popping pills.<br />
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That pretty much forced me to accept the reality of the situation. I had gotten fat and fatter over the years. I have never been the exercise type, and I always eaten whatever I wanted. Only time I resembled some sort of decent shape was in the army and that was back in 1996. Chances are I probably would die of a heart attack or something similar within 10 years if I didn't do anything about it. <br />
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Of course, the other major push was my charms seemed to be less and less successful when it came to the ladies. As much as I hated to admit it, my growing resemblance to Jabba the Hutt probably had something to do with it. My weight was a depressing 115 kg. <br />
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So I decided to embark on my second serious attempt at losing weight. Yes , there was the first attempt, that lasted around 3 months after which I gave up because I wasn't losing any weight. So this time, I decided I need someone to help me. A professional but also a friend so that I don't have to pay (that much). <br />
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That friend was my classmate from junior college who is now a physical education teacher in a local secondary school. So I called him up out of the blue and proceeded to initiate Plan "Lose my Inner Jabba" into fruition. I asked him for help in my cutest voice I could muster, you know figured it might work to my advantage if I sounded like one of his students. <br />
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Surprisingly he agreed rather readily to become my mentor in this journey of self-torture, at least after making me promise never to speak in a cute voice again. As he puts it , he specialises in lost cases in his school, the kids who society has given up on. Gee thanks, that's a nice confidence boost for me and we haven't even started yet. I made a silent note to send a anonymous message to his school about his lack of motivational skills if this ended badly. <br />
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The first session was a disaster. Our friend obviously overestimated my level of fitness despite my numerous protests during the training (he calls it incessant whining) and at the end of a 40 min session (which felt twice as long) I was puking my chicken curry dinner at the side of the road. I was crying too, but it was from the puking. Obviously. <br />
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I puked again at the second session. I was thinking at this rate I could save myself the pain and go bulimic instead and get the same benefits with none of the pain. Note to self, stay away from curry before training sessions.<br />
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The 3rd session and I didn't puke at all!! Woohoo I was so glad I tried to give my torturer a high five, but he refused, saying "not puking" is not considered an achievement and I shouldn't treat it as one. His harsh words saddened me but I vowed to myself to not let it bring me down. Stick and stones baby.<br />
<br />
So it went on. I saw him 3 times a week and we did various cardiovascular exercises. I found out what TRX was (I thought it was that sound system they used in cinemas when he first mentioned it). The exercises got a bit easier as the weeks went on , although there were still a lot of confidence sapping moments. One that comes to mind was when I lay at the side of the pavement completely exhausted and this little girl on her bike laughed at me as she rode past. I made a mental note to trip her bike the next time I see her. You will pay for it bitch. Mental note : I need a notebook for all these mental notes. <br />
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It came to a point where our relationship felt closer than it should be. It began to feel weird when I didn't see him, like I would be wondering what he was doing , or whether he was training someone else behind my back. Also I would let him know when I am overseas that I was still keeping to our regime at the hotel gym. I think there was even once where I remember giving him a shoulder massage, although it could have been a dream, I mean nightmare. But anyway I am probably just overreacting. <br />
<br />
Of course, on my own I had to completely overhaul my diet as well. Out went the briyani, chicken curry, burgers and fries. In fact, I pretty much cut all fried stuff from my diet , 6 days a week. I went a little too hardcore the first few months going on a mainly salad diet , but it got to a point where I got so sick of salad I couldn't even eat it anymore. So I switched to low carb meals that I could easily prepare myself, and so I ended up with loads of canned tuna and sliced ham. Also I started eating shitloads of fruits to counteract the hunger my poor body was feeling from being deprived of all those rich foods.<br />
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I signed up for a couple of 10km runs as well. The first run in March I had a fairly decent timing of 1hr 10 mins, a vast improvement from my timings a few years ago of 1 hr 30 mins. The second run last month was even better with a time of 1 hr. <br />
<br />
So where am I now? Well I am around 90 kg now. That's 22kg less than my initial weight. I no longer snore when I sleep. I feel so much better health wise, and it's such a great feeling to be able to run without feeling exhausted 5 mins into a run, it's something I haven't felt since my army days. Hell I never thought I could ever run 10km in an hour until I did it. There are other benefits I haven't expected as well. I had this pretty bad eczema condition in my arms for a long time, but they strangely disappeared a couple of months into my regime. Seems like it was something in my diet that was triggering it. <br />
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I hope to drop to 85 kg by the end of the year , and I think it should be do-able if I keep going at the rate I am going. <br />
<br />
K will end this post with 2 last points. One is if after all this, I could still relapse and end up gaining all the weight I lost , after which this post would be pretty embarrassing and depressing to read in the future. I can't imagine going back, but you never know, but definitely gonna try my best. <br />
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Secondly I am gonna list the points that helped me lose all this weight and those that didn't, for those who are like me and trying to get back to shape. Not sure if they would work for you but they did for me. <br />
<br />
Things that worked: <br />
<br />
1. I needed someone to push me in the beginning. It's a torture the first 3 months without any help because you are really starting from ground zero in terms of fitness. I would have given up if my friend wasn't there to push me.<br />
<br />
2. You needed to change your diet in addition to exercising. Exercising alone will not make a huge difference. This was why my first attempt failed. I cut all sugar and oil. Breakfast is 2 pieces of toast without any spread. Black coffee without sugar or milk. Lunch is fish soup (with rice) if I am out, bread with tuna flakes if I am home. Dinner is bread with ham from cold storage and rocket leaves. Loads of fruits to snack on in between and after each of those meals. Once a week, I let loose and be a bit more free with my choices, but still try to stick to healthier options like grilled chicken. Once every few months I go crazy and gorge on pizza and wings and the like. <br />
<br />
3. Make use of technology. I used endomondo to keep track of my runs and my progress in terms of my speed. It is a real motivator to see yourself improving the more you train. I used My Fitness Pal to keep track of my calorie intake (although I only started using this recently when I hit my plateau). Workout trainer, an app for static exercises you can do at home) is for rainy days.<br />
<br />
4. I started off exercising 3 times a week. Now it's 5 times a week. I made it a point where if I was home in the evening in front of my computer and I wasn't doing anything worthwhile I would force myself to go for a quick run. Laziness is your enemy.<br />
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5. My friend never pushed me to a point where I hated the exercises. It was tough but never to the point I felt like I was dying or dreading the next workout, other than the first 2 sessions. His take was he rather have slower progress than to ramp up the intensity to a point where chances are I wouldn't maintain it for long or on my own. Something to think about if you thinking of hiring a trainer as it seems like they really push people to the max. <br />
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Things that didn't work:<br />
<br />
1. Trying to invite others to do this as a group. It is ok if they are as motivated as you and share the same goals, but if they are not (and they might not need to be, not a criticism) then you run the risk of following in their footsteps or being discouraged. You really need to make this your own personal goal. It's a bonus if someone joins you , but don't count on it. <br />
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2. Mainly Salad diet. After a few months I got so sick of it I refused to eat it. Just stick to low carb meals, look at the labels when you go to the supermarket and pick the ones with the lowest calories. <br />
<br />
3. Weighing scale. Your weight will fluctuate during the training , but over time it will go down. So don't have a weighing scale in your house and weigh yourself everyday, it will only make you depress if you suddenly put on a couple of kg. As long as you stick to your regime you are fine, and you will know just by looking at yourself. <br />
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So that's it. Anyway here are the obligatory before and after pictures. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyYXsZLoVXMN6Tgmyg_LhsSThUM-mpV_IAxpiAi7xPBOXTS_PoCS9xABVtq0-VULLFUeteuLyo544exs1su9j6-nUzRK43KnbZTEoosA8kb4l7-t3plZFbzoQe_0rF7LIW46eyog/s1600/fatgilbert.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyYXsZLoVXMN6Tgmyg_LhsSThUM-mpV_IAxpiAi7xPBOXTS_PoCS9xABVtq0-VULLFUeteuLyo544exs1su9j6-nUzRK43KnbZTEoosA8kb4l7-t3plZFbzoQe_0rF7LIW46eyog/s320/fatgilbert.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJTq6s_-EQJzeoeWjUM02CQ_Qw3t26mfxquyGCsvX7jAjYaW-SpQCFuiiNqiBF7qxuoFIOKzFgqfkZTcNEdaTzg_hQtROydgAhHNR7MlZzGODLdbDe1xMKY9Eva-XFwhA_iIJYVQ/s1600/CameraZOOM-20120731194247071.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="240" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJTq6s_-EQJzeoeWjUM02CQ_Qw3t26mfxquyGCsvX7jAjYaW-SpQCFuiiNqiBF7qxuoFIOKzFgqfkZTcNEdaTzg_hQtROydgAhHNR7MlZzGODLdbDe1xMKY9Eva-XFwhA_iIJYVQ/s320/CameraZOOM-20120731194247071.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Still got the tummy (that's really stubborn and refusing to go away) but let's give it another 6 months and I will post my progress! It's been a fun ride so far.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-30440755664254047812012-06-19T00:39:00.001+08:002012-06-19T10:08:19.993+08:00Got a number off a cute chick at the mall.K for those who know me in real life or Facebook (the line between them both is sadly blurring for me) , you would know that I been on this serious exercise regime since the beginning of the year. Yep I finally had to admit to myself that I could no longer call myself the Stallion when physique-wise I was looking more like "insert fat looking animal here".<br />
<br />
Thankfully it has paid off , no small thanks to my shi-fu/torturer who shall remain nameless due to his aversion to any sort of online social communication. The guy doesn't even have a Facebook account so you know I am not exaggerating. <br />
<br />
But I digress. This post is about me and this really cute chick that I met last week. So I was at Coffee Bean @ Downtown East, sipping my black coffee (cos it has less calories), waiting for a friend when I noticed this really cute girl sitting in at the corner of the cafe glancing at me. <br />
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She was quite a sweet looking thing, maybe mid 20s. I of course played it ultra cool, pretending not to notice; continuing to sip my coffee while giving this really contemplative "what does life mean" look. <br />
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Well maybe it was just a passing glance from her, I wasn't sure, and I couldn't play my hand immediately could I? But it was not, she kept glancing at me and then looking away when I innocently contemplated in her direction. <br />
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Yep the game was on. I nonchalantly rolled up my sleeves, exposing the well-defined biceps painfully sculpted from hours and hours of dumbbell curls and push-ups. Then I looked at her and smiled. A smile that said "Yep lady I noticed you noticing me." <br />
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She smiled back, and the next thing I knew she got up and started walking towards me. K a little more forward than I am used to , but I am kind of digging it. Also my legs were sore from a run earlier so I didn't really wanna get up myself. I pushed the chair opposite me with my stronger leg, an invitation for her to join me at my table. <br />
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"Hi I am Alice. Just wondering if you could spare a minute to do this quick survey?"<br />
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Sigh, I would have preferred to be done with these role-playing games and just go straight to the nearest Hotel 81. But fine Alice, I will do the whole song and dance if that is what it takes to close the deal. With you. <br />
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"Sure I would love to. I love surveys, they are so hot". <br />
<br />
"Uhmm yeah...ok."<br />
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She takes out a pen and this survey form. K a bit serious on the role-playing but I can roll with that. <br />
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First question - "What are your interests?"<br />
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I wanted to reply "Right now, you." but I decided that I don't want to come out of the gates all roaring and drenched in testosterone so I picked the options "music" and "travel". <br />
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Second question - "What is your biggest concern in life right now" <br />
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(Well Alice I am just concerned about how long I could pleasure you [3 mins?] before you start begging me to stop after we are done with this stupid survey). I circled "Career".<br />
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Third question - "If you died tomorrow, do you think you would go to heaven?"<br />
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Well hmm let me see...wait a minute, WTF, what kind of question is that?? I glanced at the 4th question. It was about how I would convince God I deserve to enter heaven. 5th and 6th were also God-related. I did not bother to see the rest.<br />
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KNN. Realization dawned on me. She was a Jesus freak. But it was too late , I was too far entangled in the web of her holy spinnerets. <br />
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Spent the next 15 minutes trying to extricate myself by saying I was agnostic and not religious at all. It didn't help. She continued on and the survey then snowballed into her reciting a parable (something about an emperor whose mom was gonna get whipped for stealing and he covered her to save her)and how God was like the emperor in that he was merciful yet would mete out justice. I wasn't really listening , I just drowned myself in those big beautiful eyes of hers. <br />
<br />
Finally she stopped. And then she asked me if I wanted to accept this gift of heaven that God wanted to bestow on us. I said NO. She seemed a bit saddened but then asked me if I could at least take the booklet she was holding, so I did. She then wrote her number on the back and said I could call her if I ever changed my mind.<br />
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So that was that. I am now contemplating calling her and maybe asking her out for a cup of coffee. She was really cute after all. I swear there was some tension between us before she went all God-dy. I owe it to myself to give her another chance right?<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-66993470238261948622012-02-06T20:18:00.003+08:002012-02-06T20:18:51.658+08:00Piranha : Fav movie of 2011Piranha is my favorite movie of 2011.<br />
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That was not a typo. You will not see this movie on (m)any critic's lists, but that's because everyone of them missed the brilliant subtext of this movie. At its very core is actually a cautionary tale that explores religious issues that are very relevant in this day and age. Spoilers ahead so read at your own peril.<br />
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The movie starts off with an old man fishing in a quiet lake. He drinks from what appears to be an alcohol bottle and then throws it into the lake. By his callous action he completely disregard the beauty of god's creations around him despite reaping the fruits of them (his fishes). Immediately he is punished by an earthquake that causes the lake to become a whirlpool which sucks him into the very depths of hell. Praise to the lord.<br />
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Next the scene changes to what appears to be a spring break party at the other end of the lake, which near topless women shamelessly flaunting the temples that is their bodies without any respect of themselves. They seem to be engaging in various activities that would make a harlot blush. A very creepy dude identifies himself as a porn director and manages to entice two teens unto his boat to shoot a movie as well as engage in questionable sexual practices like drinking alcohol off each others bodies. The movie continues with more scenes of disgusting immoral behavior from all the women. I was about to turn it off from disgust , but then the payoff came. <br />
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Immediately the fishes (or as I would like to call them God's messengers) arise from the depths of the lake and start to attack the men and women. They start off from the most sinful (the porn stars and the porn director) and work their way up to the ones at the spring break party. They attack ferociously and without mercy, inflicting God's wrath on the sinners. Blood is splattered everywhere , some of them even lose their limbs - the very limbs that allowed them to partake in such disgusting behavior before. Talk about poetic justice. They cry out for help, but their calls go unanswered. The lake is cleansed of sin with their blood. <br />
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A guy foolishly tries to help the sinners, going against God's will, and eventually he is eaten alive for doing so. The End.<br />
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I loved this movie because it is a cautionary tale to the youth of today who seem to be engaging in immoral activities without any thought for the consequence of their actions. If you feel the same way as me, you must watch this movie and share it with your kids so that they can learn from it as well. You owe it to them to do so. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-37069098198502877442011-10-04T19:03:00.002+08:002011-10-26T23:33:09.446+08:00Man DownSo I was at chilling out at an apartment with a bunch of friends watching a movie over the weekend when suddenly I heard a noise from the bathroom. One of my friends was taking a shower and I swear I heard him call my name. I immediately freaked out. <br />
<br />
It might seem like not a big deal but there is really no situation I could think of where a guy friend has to call out another guy's name while he is in the shower. It was a muffled sentence so I couldn't really make out what he was saying but at that time I could only think of three possibilities.<br />
<br />
1. He had something he really really wanted to show me.<br />
2. He needed me to somehow help him scrub a part of his anatomy that he couldn't reach, how I did not venture to think further. <br />
3. He was jerking off to the image of me and shouted my name in ecstasy.<br />
<br />
I stood there frozen for a while but eventually his calls got louder and louder. Hesitantly , I moved to the toilet door to hear better, and instantly I wished I didn't . He was asking me to open the door. I said I didn't want to, that this was all a bit too strange for me but he begged me to. So I did, and realized his problem - the door was stuck, he couldn't get it open from inside. So I tried to open it , but then it wouldn't . I put all my force in it and it still didn't even make a difference. The lock was truly messed up. So we had to call the locksmith, whose number was conveniently plastered on the front door. He said he will be over in 30 minutes. BTW all this was happening at 2 am in the morning.<br />
<br />
So there we were waiting, so I started trying to give some helpful suggestions. I told my friend maybe he could clean the toilet since he was already inside. Also we had paused the movie when this happened, so I told the rest that we could just continue watching the movie till the locksmith arrived but they were appalled I even suggested it which I didn't get. It was not like he was trapped in a cave and running out of air!! Frustrated and bored I went to the fridge and got myself a tub of ice cream. Yes I am a stress eater. <br />
<br />
Finally the locksmith came. He looked at the lock and told us that he had to break it and it would cost 100 dollars. It was a tad on the expensive side, so I wanted to see if I can bargain it down to like 70 (I am indian after all) but then I just felt this anger emitting from the other side of the door so we agreed to it. The lock was jammed so the locksmith had to remove it, but he made it seem so effortless, I was actually watching him in awe. The way he prodded the grabbed the knob with one hand and just jamming the pointy end of his really long pointy tool with the other, it was quite impressive.<br />
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Finally it came free and my friend was saved. We thanked the locksmith, paid him his due and that was the end of it. We never did finish the movie.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3678063.post-50042660529465451892011-07-14T16:30:00.000+08:002011-07-14T16:30:20.205+08:00Travel Info: How to get a pre-paid SIM Card in IndiaI was trying to find out info about this and somehow couldn't find any one site that spelled it out clearly, so I am doing this here. Roaming charges are freaking insane, so if you want to really save on that this is what you do:<br />
<br />
Pre-Requisites :<br />
1. Signed letter from your hotel confirming that you are staying there.<br />
2. A passport-sized photograph<br />
3. Details of a local contact in India (Address, Full Name and Contact No.)<br />
4. Photocopies of your Indian Visa and your Passport (the page with all your details)<br />
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I only had the first one when I went to the Airtel centre as I didn't know any better. Ended up making 2 additional trips, one to get a copy of my passport and the other to find a photo studio. <br />
<br />
That's it. I used Airtel since that was what the hotel recommended, got a cab to drive me to the nearest centre and got it done, you will get your SIM card immediately. It includes data plan as well. I paid around 750 Rupees in total for 650 MB of data and a minimal voice plan thrown in. <br />
<br />
The SIM card I got is valid for a year without usage.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com