Tuesday, May 24, 2011

A Sample Rejection Letter

I have lamented about it before, and I shall do it once again - the English language is slowly dying out thanks to SMS speak. Brevity has taken precedence over eloquence, and I am but one man trying my best to face the barrage of linguistic mediocrity.

Last Sunday, I was supposed to go out with a newly found friend to an outdoor event. To be honest, I was seriously having 2nd thoughts due to the heat wave we been facing these few weeks. Fortunately for me, she called me to cancel for that very reason i.e. it was way too hot. Of course, me being who I am, I decided to have a little bit of fun , hence I penned this message to her via Facebook. Names are removed to protect the innocent.


My heart leapt with joy when I saw your name on my phone, I thought you were calling to arrange a quick rendezvous in the nearby foliage before we go to the event.

Alas, I was wrong. It was a call to break my little heart. A call to say that you would not be there. Because of the heat. I could not believe my ears. Is the heat any more intense than the intense heat that we generate when we meet each other ? If you can bear that heat, why not the one borne of the sun?

All the perfumes and scented soaps I spent on my body today has gone to waste, just to let you know that you missed out smelling a freaking garden of flowers and wild oats today, and that garden is not one you would find in the dairy farm.

As I lay here on my bed, typing in my half-naked state (I was half dressed when you called, which half I shall leave to your imagination) , drops of water are forming on my ample bosom. But tis not drops of sweat, but rather drops of salt water that mysteriously seem to have originated from my face and slowly dribbled down to the space between my rock hard pecs. Yes, tears they are, and you have caused them .

For once , I thought my Sunday would not be spent watching porn in the lonely prison of solitude that is my room. For once, I thought I would be with the most beautiful woman I ever seen (this year) , but again I am proven wrong.

Backdoor Sluts 5, I await thee loving embrace. I come hither. Fare you well XXXX.

Feel free to re-use this for any rejection you might face in the future, as long as you credit me accordingly.