Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Room

What is the Room you might ask? Well the right question to ask is what it is not. It is not just a tale of a love triangle between a man , his best friend and his "future wife". That would be akin to saying that Inception is a movie about dreams.

Tommy Wiseau , the multi-talented writer/director/producer/actor/genius, takes this deceptively simple story and places it in an alternative reality. It is pretty subtle and you might miss it , but he hints at this by having characters an a plot that completely ignore any social norms in the way they move, speak or behave.

This is an alternate reality where

1. People dress up in tuxedos for no apparent reason and play football.
2. An adopted son/ward tries to watch his "parents" have sex.
3. People have sex by thrusting their penis at the female's belly button.
4. Anger is expressed by getting into a half zombie/half Hulk trance and pushing over random objects including bowls of plastic fruit.
5. Coffeshops provide free coffee.
6. Conversations include quick and jarring changes in subject matter , ie switching from banking to asking about a friend's sex life.
7. Friends show up unannounced at a friend's apartment and start having sex in their living room.
8. There are love songs where the chorus is basically the same phrase is repeated ad nauseum - "I will" repeated 16 times in the first song, "You are my rose" is repeated god knows how many times in the second.
9. There is no such word as fiancée, it's called "future wife".
10. Finding out you have breast cancer is not a big deal.

That is only some of the social conventions that Tommy mercilessly massacres in this amazing film. But they all pale in comparison to his acting in this movie. In this alternate reality, his character seems to have suffered a head injury that makes him speak in a manner that has to be seen to be believed. He speaks like no man has ever spoken before, on film or real life.

There is NO scene in this movie that is wasted, every one of them will leave you with questions and doubts about what you just saw.

I fear that whatever I mentioned so far does little justice to this movie. It is something you have to watch for yourself. Trust me, you will not regret it. I have seen it 3 times, and I am still amazed. The Room. It grabs you and never lets you go, even when you want it to.

My V day experience

I waited staring at the phone. I couldn't remember how long I been staring at it. A couple of hours? No it must be more, I remember the sun shining brightly outside my window, but it was already dark. But still there was no call.

My stomach was rumbling in protest at the lack of food and my throat was all parched and dry, but I dare not leave my room. What if he calls and I miss it during that 5 minutes that will take me to quench my thirst or fill my stomach? (K on hindsight I could bring the phone with me but I was too hungry/thirsty to think properly)

The clock's minute hand seemed to barely move, it's like time has almost crawled to a stop. Every minute that passed felt like an hour. Finally, I gave in . He wasn't going to call.

Just as I was going to stand up to go to the bathroom, the phone rang. I picked it up with my trembling hands , not daring to even hope that it was him.

It was him.

"Hey beautiful, happy Valentine's day."

Such sweet words. Yet I could not help but fall prey to them. All my anger dissipated once I heard them. But I could not resist a little barb.

"Happy Valentine's Day G***n. It's nice to know you remembered, although I wasn't even expecting you to call. Especially at such a late hour."

"Sorry , I was busy the whole day with work, i would have called you earlier if I could. Anyway do you wanna go watch Blond Redhead, I couldn't get anyone else?"

So that was why he called. He needed someone to go with him to the concert and he thought he could use those sweet words to entice me to go. Men. Such pigs they are. They only call you when they need something, otherwise it's like you don't even exist.

I tried to stop my tears but they kept rolling down my cheeks.

"I am sorry, but I don't really like the band, they are too dreamy for me. Goodbye."

I hanged up the phone before he could hear my voice crack. It was a lie of course. I freaking love blonde redhead. But I wasn't going to let him have the satisfaction of knowing he still had that hold over me. It took me all my willpower to switch off my phone, I didn't wanna risk waking up in the middle of the night and texting or calling him involuntarily.

Happy Valentine's Day G***n. I hope you find someone to go with.

Friday, February 11, 2011

I hate it when people try to scam my low level staff

It's been an open secret that I have been moonlighting as the Head of IT of a bustling startup the past 2 years. Under my guidance, this little company has flourished beyond my wildest dreams and is finally achieving what I knew it was capable of when I first decided to invest what little free time I had in it.

Recently, one of the low level staff in the company had an issue with her new Mac , she couldn't get it to print from the company printer no matter how hard she tried. She checked with her vendor who provided the said laptop, and he basically said that it was due to the incompatibility of her mac with the company printer, and that she should just buy a new printer for a 140 dollars.

Of course, she had to revert to me to get approval as this is an IT purchase. My keen IT senses kicked in , and I immediately felt something wasn't quite right. I checked the printer model and found out that it was a supported model for her mac. Here was an asshole who was just trying to scam money off one of my poor unknowing low level staff!!

Despite my lack of any free time, I cancelled one of my high level meetings that evening and tried and troubleshoot to issue. After half an hour of troubleshooting I realised that there was some conflict with a huawei mobile broadband driver which stopped the printer drivers from installing correctly. Removing the offending folder from the OS solved the issue.

My low level staff ( I don't know her name cos I don't really need to) thanked me profusely and I could swear she had a tear in her eye as well. It's moments like this with the little people that make my job so much more satisfying, I accepted her thanks and told her it wasn't a big deal.

I might have lost like 200k from that meeting that I cancelled to solve this issue, but sometimes money isn't everything. It's about not forgetting that there are low level people working under you that you should interact with once in a while, just to re-assure them that you are just like one of them.

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Ode to Nethia (She demanded it cos I had one about Steph)

Amazing trip I had last week.
Never thought Perth could be so fun , in spite of the sweltering heat.
Saved money on rent, bunked in with my mate.
But I had to sleep on her floor, she refused me a space on her huge bed.
Silently I endured, so many sleepless nights.
The worst was the cold hard stone floor, even worse than the rats I had to fight.
She whined and complained, said my snoring woke her up constantly.
Well it's not like I can control it, so excuse me!
For breakfast everyday, I got Kelloggs Special K.
With some leftover "fresh" milk if I I was willing to pay.
Oh there was one day where I got bacon and eggs, it was so deliciously fine
Only because I bartered in exchange a nice bottle of Margaret River wine.
Alright alright I am only kidding, she was the perfect hostess.
Pampered me so much that I was starting to feel embarrassed.
Damien too was so friendly and nice, I liked him so much it was bordering on lust
In fact we had a moment during dinner one night but Nethia caught us so we had to let it pass.
They took us to watch a play at King's Park
A Shakespearian one, with a cameo from a few nearby ducks.
Romeo took his shirt off, I kept waiting for Juliet to strip as well
Cos she was pretty hot , so I was really hoping to see her bells.
Margaret River was awesome too, spent 2 days visiting the wineries
Never thought just sampling wines could make me as tipsy as it made me
I know I said it before , but I will say it again
It was an amazing trip, thanks to the company of a few great friends.
One of whom I am already starting to miss, k before I get emo, the end.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Attack of the Giant Sea Bird of Fremantle

You would think from the title that this was some lame ass fantasy or dream that I had but you would be wrong. This actually happened to me in Perth last week.

I was with 3 friends at Kailis's along Fremantle (great fish and chips by the way) when they decided to go for a smoke. As the only non-smoker (I quit after a trip in Thailand), I decided to stay and guard the food as they puffed their lives away. Immediately a flock of sea birds (i don't know if they were gulls) sensed my vulnerability after being left alone, and immediately attacked the food. I swatted at them continuously , sustaining some injuries myself on my arm, but I managed to stave the hungry birds off.

Then suddenly, a huge shadow enveloped our table. As I looked up, all I could see was this huge shape hovering above me. And then that shape took a seat beside me. It was the biggest bird I ever saw , the seat barely contained its weight. It stared at me for what felt like eternity, its unblinking eyes full of hate and evil. I didn't have many options, so I just sat still and stared back at it. And then it opened its mouth, revealing fangs. Yes the damn bird had freaking fangs!!

I didn't know what to do. The bird started to inch closer towards me. My life literally flashed in front of my eyes. It was almost beside me now, I could feel its hot fangy seagull breath in my ear. I closed my eyes, this was it.

And just like that it was gone. I opened my eyes and saw my friends coming over. I guess it must have seen them and got scared or something. Or maybe it only kills when no one is around. I do not know. I told my friends what happened, they just laughed.

And that is the story of my experience with the giant sea bird of fremantle. If you have had similar encounters, let me know. I need to know that what I saw was real, that I wasn't imagining it at all.

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Romeo and Juliet

Yesterday a play I went to see
With 5 others, we set off merry as can be.
One of the 5 caught my eye, this really beautiful lass.
A girl of 15 years young, I believe her name was Steph.
Tried as hard I could do to win her favor but it was not meant to be
Every trick in the book, hell I even offered her candy.
The play started, but my heart was not in it.
Halfway through Romeo took his shirt off, thought it was tad conceited.
But he had a nice bod, Steph seemed to think so.
Never thought she was so shallow, what happened to the gal I used to know?
A great chill then filled the grounds, I couldn't help but shiver.
My body heat I wanted to offer that little girl, but I knew she longed for the body of another.
So there I sat, cold and alone.
In king's park,  so far away from home.
The play finally ended, everyone got up and left.
I sat there, still waiting for the return of my dear Steph.

Friday, February 04, 2011

Margaret River

Hungry, I wait patiently in my room.
The 2 others I came with, I am afraid they will only wake at noon.
Watching TV,  reports on the queensland cyclone.
Pretty scary, if this happened in perth I would have gone home.
A quick breakfast and to the wineries we go.
Free samples at each one, it is pretty much free flow.
After lunch, a long car ride back.
On hindsight,  should have extended our stay here, but oh well too bad.