Wednesday, May 26, 2010

A Horror Revisited

I still remember it like it was yesterday , even though 2 years have passed. Still remember that evil glint in his eye. Still remember that pain that seemed like it would never go away. But it was like an itch I couldn't get rid of. I knew I had to go back to him. And so today, I did.

I showed up at his door, rang the bell and waited. A few minutes passed, and I thought maybe he would not be in, that maybe this was fate's way of telling me that I didn't need to go through with this. But just as I was about to turn away, the door opened. 2 years since he saw me, but his face hasn't aged a day. He smiled his wide leering smile at me, and seductively gestured me in. I tried to run away, but it was like I had lost the ability to control my legs. They moved forward and through the door of their own accord, all I could do was watch helplessly.

He stood in front of me and eased me back into his office chair. It was new, not the one I remembered being in 2 years ago. I could feel the soft leather against my bare arms. It felt different. Not in a good or bad way, just different. I closed my eyes, even though I knew what was coming next. Maybe I was hoping that when I opened my eyes he would be gone and I would realize it was all just a dream and start laughing. But then he spoke his first words and I knew it wasn't a dream. "Gilbert, it's been a long time. I am so glad you decided to come back." All I could do was nod silently, my eyes still shut tightly.

He left the room , but he was back almost immediately. I heard the sound of a zipper , and instinctively I opened my mouth. He forced it in, without even a word of warning. It was all I could do to not gag. Perhaps encouraged by my lack of resistance he pushed even harder. I kept swallowing, a reflex action to the foreign intruder inside my mouth. It all became a huge blur, I didn't know what was real and what was not. All I could do was to grip tightly to the sides of the chair and hold back the tears that were already forming in my eyes.

The oral assault continued for around half an hour. When he was done, the only evidence of what he had done to me, other than the pain, was the cold gooey liquid in my mouth. It was sticking to the inside of my mouth, to my teeth, to my tongue. I immediately got up to rinse my mouth but he stopped me. "No", he said. "Leave it on for another 30 minutes. I don't want you to eat or drink anything during that time. let it set in your mouth."

The only issue left was payment. I looked at him, ashamed to ask him. Mercifully he spared me the question.

"Go outside and wait. My assistant will call you shortly".

I got up to leave the room. It was over, we had nothing to offer each other anymore. Just as I was about to exit the room , he called out to me. I turned around and stared at his piercing eyes in defiance, daring him to humiliate me further.

"You really need to floss more often. At least once a day. And come back sooner next time, like in 6 months time and see me again. Alright good bye!"

I replied with a meek "OK" and left the room.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

My First Ever Trivia Night

I was down at Brewerkz at Riverside for my first ever Trivia night together with 8 other friends. Basically how it works is 2 judges will ask questions from different categories like current affairs, music, movies and a mystery category , and you basically get points for every right answer.

Our group was a great mix of talents , basically everyone was good in a different category. When it first started it was general knowledge and current affairs which I completely sucked at. Sample questions from the first round yesterday:

1. What's 2010 in Roman numerals?
2. What are the two oxides that make up acid rain?

Thanks to a few of our team, we manage to get some of them right. It helps to have a science teacher in your team!

Second round was the current affairs section. Again I was completely lost.

1. When did the recent Gulf Coast oil spill happen?
2. Who won the T20 Cricket World Cup?

So I was kinda feeling a bit down since I was contributing like nothing to the team. Really need to start reading up on my current affairs from now on. Next section was something I hoped I would be good at the music section. Half of them are questions where you are given an album title and you have to guess the artist, the other half involve a sample of the intro to the song , you have to guess what song it is.

1. Album title - A Girl Like Me
2. Album title - Songs in A Minor

I managed to get both the above correct (all that time at helped). Su got all the questions relating to british bands correct. I also managed to identify Justify my Love by Madonna, mainly because I used to watch that video like a million times in junior college. We got the two questions relating to indie artists wrong (Jack Johnson and Kings of Leon)

Next up was the movie section. Basically they gave quotes from the movies, and you have to guess the movie. We were lucky that there was a Monty Python fan in our midst , we got both of them right. A few easy ones (Kill Bill 1 & 2, Matrix) and we were first!

Last category was General Science and Nature. It was a really tough category , I can't even remember the questions now. When the results were tallied, we were tied for first place!

We had two options . We could share the prize, or we could go for a tiebreaker round. The other team was willing to share, we decided to go for broke!

The final round was nerve-wrecking. I didn't know any of the answers. We pretty much did a lot of educated guesses and handed our answers in. Then suddenly one of us said he remembered the answer to one of the questions which was "What was the first man-made invention to break the sound barrier?" . We had answered bullet, he remembered it was whip.

We tried to change it since the other team had yet to turn in their answers, but the host didn't let us, saying we can't change once we submitted it.

Finally when the results were tallied, we lost by a point. Second place, but it was amazing considering it was the first attempt for most of us. I really wanna go for it again next week!

Oh right, I forgot to mention the group of guys beside us who kept going up to contest the answers or something. Like seriously dudes, get a life, it just makes you look sad.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

At the Clinic today....

It's not a good sign when you go to the clinic for a sore throat and cough and the doctor checks your blood pressure. Just another sign I need to lose weight.

On the positive side, I am loving my codeine-laced cough syrup!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The worst thing I hate about clubs is no longer a problem

As most of my friends know, I don't really go clubbing. There is a really simple reason for that. It is not because I can't dance (they used to call me Travolta back in secondary school) , but rather because my lyrical skills are often negated in a noisy club.

It has happened time and time again. I would spot a hot chick at the bar, go up to her and start busting my rhymes. And then she will reply like what the fuck are you saying you freak and tell me to get lost. Yes it is unfortunate that my rhymes lose their potency when the object of my desire cannot hear them. After a while I got tired of the insults and the drink throwing and just stopped going.

Until today. I just read about this revolutionary new product that solves my problem. Check it out yo:


Yep some genius invented spheres that allow people to hear each other clearly in clubs. Obviously this person was having the same problem as me, and she did something about it. You can so tell from the picture that those two women are going home together and getting it on. And that's basically what I am aiming for.

I can't wait for it to be released, I am gonna go buy a pair as soon as it's out. And the next time I go to a club, I am gonna put one on, pass her the other one , and then just let the magic of my words wash over the chick and bring her to ecstasy.

You can find out more about this amazing contraption at BBC News

Ode to Bernie

Bernie my love, my one and only.
Off to Melbourne, leaving me oh so lonely.
Gonna miss you, and your excessive flirting
Hate to admit it but it was the only real action I been kinda getting.
Here's wishing you the best of luck in Melbourne my dear
Even though I can't imagine not seeing you again, well at least till October.
So do me one last favor love, sing me another song before you leave.
Only this time, keep it to below 5 minutes please.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Monday, May 10, 2010

Why I strike out with women : Example 32

So I was at a friend's office the other day doing some work on my little netbook. Well I guess she must have gotten a little hot and bothered by the sight of me working furiously (I been told I look kinda sexy when I am hard at work) , and she started singing to me. I think it was this song by the Killers called Romeo and Juliet.

I didn't really know the song but it sounded nice. Around three minutes into her rendition, I asked "Hmm this is quite a long song isn't it?".

The silence that followed that question I can only describe as deafening.

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Happy Birthday Su!

Su my darling, happy birthday , you are now twenty-*****
Been a long time, still remember the first time I picked you up at seven-eleven
You looked so cute with your little pigtails and your tiny school skirt
Still remember your terrified deer-in-the-headlights look when I tried to flirt

It's amazing how we share so many mutual friends now, it's really something.
Most of them are actually mine but really who is counting?
It's your birthday, my friends are also yours.
Does it really matter that you have less and I have more?

Hope you liked the card, I really meant it
It's yours if you wanna take up my offer, don't say that to just everyone I meet.
But if not, at least hope you like the present*.
It was for mom but she pissed me off so congrats you are the new recipient.

*Present from me and Jo

Mother's Day.

It's the 9th of May
I woke up to a cold and rainy day
Hungry, I yelled for my breakfast.
Only silence greeted me, then I started to curse

Stormed out my room, shouted out for Mom
Looked everywhere, she was nowhere to be found
Called her on her phone, she was at my sister's
Asked her what about my breakfast, she said buy your own, mister

Shattered , I slammed down the phone and started to cry
The worst day of my life, I felt like I wanted to just die
Crawled around for food on my tired hands and legs
In the fridge I found a piece of half-eaten cake

Gobbled it down with coffee, that was my lunch
An hour later I started to heave, felt like my stomach was being punched
Shouldn't have eaten that cake, it was kinda moldy
But I was alone at home and there was no one to tell me

I am getting dizzy , it's starting to go dark
Not much time left, I have to admit this kinda sucks.
If this is the end, just have one thing left to say
Mom, hope you have a happy Mother's Day