So she asked me what I wanted to know, and since it seemed a bit rude to ask her "When will I get laid?" , I decided to rephrase it and said I wanted to know about my love life.
I could tell from her really sad look in her face as she flipped over the cards that I picked that it was not going to go well. After what seemed like an eternity (I think she was trying to figure out how to soften the blow) , she turned to me and said:
"You have too many fantasies, my son. Let them go or they will consume you."
K so I have an active imagination , sue me! Or maybe she meant my 1 TB porn collection, for what is porn but a manifestation of sexual fantasies for men? Or it could mean Candy, my fake vagina. Or my love of Hello Kitty bedware? I tried to get more specifics but she said she can no longer talk about that, and as she said that her face was filled with disgust. K I think she knows about the porn.
Next she fanned out the cards in a certain order and proceeded to tell me about my love life. I will not go into specifics here out of respect to myself but it wasn't great. But then she ended on a fairly positive note - she told me that there is this girl who likes me, and who I like too, but we haven't really "gone out". And then she banished me from her room before I could ask anything more.
Yes, you know who you are. We were meant to be together. Why don't you call me and tell me because I feel the exact same way! Cos the old lady said you will have to call me and not the other way around. Hey, don't shoot the messenger. Don't hesitate k, I am waiting.
All in all it was a very interesting experience, so much so that now I am contemplating learning how to do it as well. Seems like a great way to pick up chicks. I could like tell her her future (leaving out any bad parts) and then end by saying something like "The cards say if you don't go home with the first Indian guy you meet, someone close to you will die."
Jesus sometimes I amaze myself with my ingenuity.