Saturday, September 20, 2008

My First Song

I recently signed up for a guitar course at Yamaha. This is something I always wanted to do ever since I bought an electric guitar on a whim 3 years ago, but after turning 30 last week I decided that if I don't do it now , I never will.

In the meantime, I been just self-teaching myself the basics with the help of this guitar book I got from a night market, and I already written two songs. I am gonna share one of them with you. I call it "My First Song". It's just a silly little ditty I came up with that's really about nothing specific, so don't be too harsh on me alright. Enjoy it.

Title: My First Song. (First Draft)
Written by: Bert

Su, my love , she gave me a really nice guitar .
Its really nice , but being Indian I would have preferred a sitar
It's not as easy as it looks, to do both - to strum and sing
And it didn't help when my mom looked at me as i was playing and cringed
So i told my mom:

Chorus :
This is my first song, this is my first song, so please give me a break - either fuck off or sing along

You keep telling me I have no talent
That I will probably die alone.
I never understood why you hated me so much
When I am your very own flesh and bone?

So my mom started crying and ran out of the room.
But before i knew it she was back with a broom
So i said - mom why do you have a broom in your hand
I was kidding you old hag, jesus chill for a bit - can?

This is my first song, this is my first song, so please give me a break - either fuck off or sing along
You keep telling me I have no talent
That I will probably die alone.
I never understood why you hated me so much
When I am your very own flesh and bone?

Mom don't you know I love you
Even though I was always at the back of your priority queue
All my mommy issues , where do you think it came from?
Will you be happier if I was gone?

Chorus :
This is my first song, this is my first song, so please give me a break - either fuck off or sing along
You keep telling me I have no talent
That I will probably die alone.
I never understood why you hated me so much
When I am your very own flesh and bone?

Monday, September 08, 2008

Best Movie of the Year

I used to be a huge fan of Tamil movies when I was younger, until I realized that I was watching the same movie again and again, only with different characters and slightly different subplots. It was almost always the typical good-poor guy versus the bad-rich guy who tries to force/deceive the rich heroine to marry him. The heroine may start off as a total bitch, but by the end of the movie she would have repented to become a nice docile Indian wife to the good-poor guy. Usually after she gets slapped around by the hero.

But today I saw this Tamil movie on Arts Central that made me realize that Tamil movies have advanced over the last 5 years. There was no bad guy in this movie, it was a movie that raised some pretty thought-provoking philosophical questions.

It's basically about a poor, naive and good young men (we shall call him A) who falls in love with this rich girl (let's call her B) and they hook up. They are really happy together, but then the parents of the girl tell her that they found a very eligible bachelor for her to marry, a good looking and affluent doctor.

B is caught in a dilemma. Should she stay with poor, illiterate guy who she loves, or marry rich, handsome doctor and live a comfortable life? She decides that the latter would be more sensible and tells the poor dude to get lost.

Now here is where it gets REALLY interesting. Our poor dude A loses it, tries his best to get her back, including and not limited to :

1. Calling B at home and asking her why she won't talk to him and avoiding him.
2. Asking to meet B, and then falling down and grabbing her feet and begging her not to leave him, because he has no one else but her.

B tells him that he's invading her space and tells him to get lost. Seriously, I don't blame her. I mean if I was an Indian girl I would want a guy who isn't a pussy, like someone who can pummel me until I come to my senses and put me in my place. But she could have been nicer about it. All he wants was to be loved damnit!!

Anyway, after getting dumped , A does the most amazing thing - he goes to a local police station and tells the cop that he wishes to report B for lying to him when she said she will love him forever. When the cop tells him to get lost, he goes on a monologue about the unfairness of the justice system and questions why women can report sexual assault by men to the police , but a man who gets his heart broken by a girl can't report her for emotional assault. Because it's obviously the same thing.

He gets beaten up by the cop after saying all that. But he perseveres and finally he actually gets the case heard in the Supreme Court. The girl is at first pissed with A for dragging her into court and causing her a lot of embarassment, but then her fiancee admits to her that he would never be able to love her as much as A obviously does. B realises this as well, and while on the stand, announces to him and the court that she made a mistake and that she wants to be reunited with him once again.

So the case gets dismissed , and the girl runs to the guy outside the courthouse. But then the guy refuses to hug and start dancing with her. The girl becomes confused and disoriented because dancing alone isn't that fun, so she asks the guy why he is hesitating , now that they are together once more.

The guy looks at her sternly and replies that his love for her died the day she dumped him and told him to get lost. And that he only sued her to send out a warning to other women not to lie to men like him. And with that he walks away with a smile, leaving her bewildered and alone like how she deserves to be. That's what you get when you mess around with an Indian man!

The End.

I really loved this movie because I could relate to him on a personal level, especially the part where the girl tells him to get lost and to stop invading her space which I have encountered way too many times. But I realize after watching this movie is that girls who do that to nice guys like me should pay. And that's what I will do from now on. They will all pay!!!

Thursday, September 04, 2008

How do I approach a hot receptionist?

Yes this has been a dilemma that I been struggling with for the past few weeks. I moved to my new office a few months back and recently I noticed this rather cute girl who is the receptionist for our building tower. Of course, like all the women that I have been interested in the past, there is this obvious sexual tension between us, but I am at a loss as to how to go about asking her out. Yes it's been awhile since I last dated and my old methods are kind of outdated now (e.g. asking my mom to ask her mom for permission to bring her out on a date). But so far I came up with a few:

1. Pass her my namecard , on the flip side I will draw a cute little red heart with the words "This is my heart, it is now yours."

2. Tell her she's so beautiful that she should at least be a part-time model.

3. Return to the office after an intense 10 minute workout on the treadmill wearing my super tight red shorts and my singlet (I signed up at the gym at my office building recently) and do lunging stretches while waiting for the lift. If that doesn't get her hot and bothered nothing will.

That's all I got right now. I am leaning towards number 3.