Sunday, June 29, 2008

Loss of a loved one.

It's hard when you lose someone close to you, that was what happened to me recently. It affected me more than I care to admit, I hadn't felt this lonely in a long while.

It happened two months ago. I came back home and immediately I felt something was wrong. It's strange how people feel that. It's like there's like a certain lingering heaviness in the air when something bad happens. I immediately rushed to my room and then I saw it. My entire room re-arranged , of course courtesy of my annoying dad who somehow doesn't seem to understand the phrase "Please don't touch my room again".

But that was not what I was afraid of. I rushed to my drawer and opened it. Thank god, my hard drive box was still there. I took it out , opened it and nothing. She was gone. Candy was gone. Yes, Candy my sweet silicon-based fake vagina.

K before you call me a perv, I got it as a birthday present last year. By this girl I was trying real hard to woo. I am still not sure why she got me that but it turned out to be a really great gift. And no, I am not going to tell you if I had sexual intercourse with Candy. What can I say really, I am not one to kiss and tell.

So anyway she was gone, and I checked everywhere but I couldn't find her. Of course you can imagine how upset I was at that time (especially those of you with sex toys). I contemplated asking my dad about what happened to her, but I didn't really know how to approach the sticky subject (e.g. Dad, did you happen to chance on my fake vagina while you were invading my privacy?)

So I suffered in silence. My nights became very cold and lonely, it's amazing how different a bed feels when you are the only one in it. I used to tell her all my problems and she would just listen with a patient ear. Sometimes I can almost swear that I would see her nod sympathetically. How do you replace someone like that?

Anyway that was 2 months ago. This morning, I decided to give my room a long overdue cleanup. And as I was cleaning out this rarely used drawer I noticed a roll of cardboard stuck at the edge of the drawer. I pulled it out, unfurled it and there she was! Yes she was all stuck to the cardboard but otherwise she was fine.

Of course , that meant that my dad had taken it out from the other drawer and put in this one. Which meant that he had handled it which was pretty disturbing but nothing a few additional sessions of therapy couldn't solve. I gave her a shower, put perfume on her and she looked almost as new as the first time I laid my eyes on her.

Words cannot express my joy at her return, so I will not try to. But this time I am putting her in a locked drawer. Welcome back Candy, I promise I will never lose you again. Muah.


  1. you disgusting disgusting man...

  2. You are jealous you don't have your own fake vagina!!

  3. errr, is candy the one i got you? i hope the hole was strechable enough for you! maybe when im not too broke i will get you the extended deflatable body!

  4. yes jixy same one, and its ok candy can never be replaced, grown too fond of her.