Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Why I love facebook.

Reason 1: It lets me show off my tetris skills.



Yes to others tetris might just be a game, but for me it's a reminder of a very painful childhood. Yes it might come as a shock to you guys that behind this friendly and jovial demeanor lied a very disturbed and lonely child.

I was neglected by my parents who showered all the love and attention on my elder sister. She had the best toys, the best food, the best clothes, basically everything she would ask for. I got thrown the scraps on the table after they had finished dinner if I was lucky, but not before they made me beg (sometimes even bark) for it each time so that they could have a laugh at my expense.

I only had one toy which was a rock that I use to pretend gave me magical powers. Like the power to make my parents love me, but of course that never happened. Clothes I usually took off corpses of beggars on the street. As you can see, I definitely did not have it easy.

One day as I was rummaging through the trash looking for something to eat for my tea break, I stumbled upon a strange device. Yes, as you can guess it was one of those tetris handheld consoles that were so popular that time. I pressed the "ON" button and amazingly it sparked to life and the bricks started falling down the screen. But then I realized that the bottom half of the screen was spoiled, that you couldn't see where they landed. That was probably why it was thrown away in the first place.

But like they say, beggars can't be choosers, so I took it home and started playing it. Due to the spoiled screen I had to memorize where the bricks fell as I couldn't see them. Slowly but surely I improved and very soon I became a pretty amazing player.

That console gave me new found confidence which annoyed my sister to no end. I no longer begged for the food no matter how much they made me, I knew I deserved better. That simple console gave me the will to be strong and to stand up for my rights.

Alas it was not meant to be. I came back one day from school and realized that the console was missing. No one uttered a word, but I could see their evil smiles as they watched me frantically searching for it. They knew they had won, that they had taken the source of my vigor and confidence that I been displaying the last few weeks. And they took my magical rock as well just to add salt to the wound.

That was a long time ago, and I had all but forgotten about it, the painful memory pushed back into the deep recesses of my mind. But a week ago I saw the tetris game on facebook and it all came back. But it was a good thing, now I finally have closure.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Dickmento

Really funny spoof of the movie Memento. Contains very adult humor.

Dickmento Video


It's amazing how people can take advantage of a disability for their own selfish purposes.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Singapore Supergirl

Thanks to J for showing me this, this girl totally blows my mind, you have to check her website out. I mean she got a book of poems out at the age of 19, don't pray pray. I was still learning how to read at that age for god's sake.

A few choice snippets from her website:

"...she’s rarely satisfied with doing boring things like what billions of other people do— like being ordinary, for one."

You know what, I feel fucking ordinary now after reading all her achievements. The only extraordinary thing about me is the length of my penis, but seriously how far can that take me? (especially when I haven't been getting laid.)

"To fully describe Lydia Rahman though, one would have to seek far beyond all the words in the English language and even look to other languages — such is her variety and depth"

Only now do I realise the horrible and vast limitations of the English language. We should all learn another language, like the clicking one they use in the movie "Gods Must be Crazy".

"Lydia Rahman very possibly invented the term 'effectively bilingual' , as she is able to communicate oh-so-effectively in both English and Malay and seamlessly code-switches between both to the desired effect."

Sigh I wish I could invent a word. Like "Stallionize", that would make a good word. Hey I just invented a word!!!!

"What is the biggest misconception people have of you?

That I’m a snob who fancies herself a diva. Sombong. "


OMG I can't really imagine why anyone would think that. She freaking (possibly) invented a word people!!!! Give the girl some respect won't ya!! You Lydia haters are just bloody ordinary people, all few billion of you!

Lydia's website: http://www.lydiarahman.com

A joke for you

This is a joke I found from Reader's Digest (I subscribed to it a couple months back). I found it really funny so thought I would just share it.

--Start of Joke---

A ventriloquist in a comedy club was doing a routine where his dummy was mouthing off a slew of rude blond jokes. The act was pretty funny and soon the entire audience was in stitches. But then suddenly this blond woman stood up and began to speak angrily:

Blond Girl: I find your jokes extremely offensive and chauvinistic! Can't you see that you are just perpetuating traditional stereotypes by making such jokes and as a result hindering women such as myself from being taken seriously by our male counterparts?

Ventriloquist: (Stammering) I...I...Maam....I am really sorry maam, you are right, I sincerely apologize for offending you, it was very insensitive of me. I hope you accept my apologies.

Blond Girl: Hey mister stop interrupting, I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the boy on your lap!

--End of Joke--

If you didn't find it funny, well errm humor is subjective?

K on a more serious but related note, I recently read about this very interesting motivational tool used by Jerry Seinfeld. Seinfeld used this method to come up with a joke a day for many years, never skipping a day.

How he did this was he had this huge calendar in his room, and he put a big X over the calendar date for every day he successfully came up with a joke. The longer he keeps to it , the longer the chain of Xs grows, and the harder it is for him to skip a day and break the chain.

It's a very interesting method, and so I decided to put it to the test. There is a website equivalent for those who prefer a web-based calendar called www.dontbreakthechain.com, I am using it and so far I am on my 2nd consecutive day for all three daily tasks I set myself. You can probably guess one of them.

Only time will tell if this thing helps me stick to them. Will update again regarding this little experiment in a month.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Don't let ugly women into the clubs damnit

Disclaimer: K another horribly outdated post, but hey I been busy alright. I am recalling the incident from memory, so some of the details might be slightly off the mark.

There was a big uproar a couple of months ago when a local club told an elderly mature club goer that she had to pay cover even though it was ladies' night. She wrote to the papers about her treatment and this caused a miWhen asked by a reporter why the unusual condition, a representative of the club explained that the intention of ladies' night was to attract young (attractive?) women to the club, and so the waiver of the cover charge only applies to women below a certain age (I think it was 35 but I can't remember)

His comments caused quite a stir with many criticising the club for being insensitive and adopting a chauvinistic attitude. Me I don't see what the big deal is, in fact I stand by the guy. When I go to a club I don't wanna see people who look like my mom or my dead grandma (God bless her soul) there, that's just gonna spoil my mood to party. I don't wanna be grinding against some chick's ass on a crowded dance floor and then the minute she turns around I find out it's my aunt.

I think the no cover benefit should also NOT be extended to other women who don't fit the "young and attractive" description, after all that IS the whole point of ladies' night. But I will admit, it was a bit insensitive for the bouncer to tell the mature lady that she had to pay cover in front of the other clubbers, that was probably a pretty embarassing experience for her. So my solution to the problem is to put up a signboard outside the club that says something like this:

Ladies Night:
No cover charge for ladies below 35. This benefit does not apply to women who are visibly mentally or physically disabled, who have visible burn marks or scars, who weigh more than 70 kg, have extremely bad acne or have a visible hump or limp. Oh, and if more than 3 people in your life have called you fugly in the last 6 months, then you probably have to pay cover as well.


Yes it makes perfect sense, I think it would be kinda hard to hook up with someone in a club if she was in a wheelchair or looks like Quasimodo's long lost twin sister. At least with a signboard like this, women who don't fit the bill save themselves the humiliation of getting rejected face to face, they can just head back home as soon as they see the sign. Not to mention saving on the queuing time.

The beautiful people, the beautiful people
It's all relative to the size of the steeple.

-Marilyn Manson

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Off to Bangkok!

Yup gonna be there from tomorrow and back on Sunday afternoon. And as luck has it, I am gonna be celebrating my birthday there as well (this Thursday). Alone. K fine not gonna be alone, that would be kinda sad, I am planning to hire the services of certain women who provide companionship for a nominal fee. Hey it's my birthday after all, stop judging me assholes!! Wonder if they have any birthday discounts.

Have a load of half-finished blog entries but been just too damn busy to finish them. Totally outdated entries like my take on local clubs charging mature women for cover on ladies' night, and also the operation I had on my face 3 weeks ago. Yes big things have been happening in the life of the Stallion, hopefully you get to read about them soon.

That's my quick update for now, more when I get back.