Monday, August 20, 2007

I got a nice ass crack Part 2

So I ended my last post with me sitting in a sexy hospital gown in the waiting area with everyone else fully clothed. Well that's what you get when you go to a government subsidized medical facility - you pay much less, but you give up your dignity. It's not that bad a trade actually; we are talking about a savings of a couple of hundred dollars.

As I waited patiently I noticed this old man a couple of chairs away from me who was blatantly ogling my legs. I got really pissed off. What am I? Some piece of meat for him to sink his dentures into? So I decided to mess around with him, I started crossing and uncrossing my legs really sexily ala Basic Instinct. It drove him crazy with lust, he started getting all fidgety and excited, I would bet my heterosexuality that he was wishing he was sitting opposite me.

Eventually I got tired of our little game and stopped, and I could see him staring angrily at me, knowing that he had been played. That's what you get for being an old perv you asshole, you probably have a son my age. But to be honest, it actually felt good having people steal glances at me, kinda made me feel sexy. Perhaps I'm a closet exhibitionist?

Anyway, after what seemed like an eternity, I was called into the X-ray room where I was handed over to this rather cute radiologist. She told me to strip down to my underpants and lie on the table, and so I did, despite the freezing temperature in the room. As she was preparing to take the X-ray I pointed out to her that my boxers had buttons, was unsure if I could have them on. She told me no, that I had to pull them off to my ankles for the X-ray, and so I did.

The next thing I heard was the clattering of something that was dropped onto the floor. Yes, apparently the radiologist dropped the clipboard when I pulled down my boxers. I smiled (knowing the reason for her shock) and turned to look at her, expecting to see her face flushed with embarrassment. Instead, I was greeted with a bemused smile. I looked down at my groin area and there was…..shrinkage. Like MAJOR shrinkage.

In my defense it was like -20 degrees Celsius in the damn room, things contract when it’s cold, and I estimate that we are talking about a contraction of at least 15 inches. And that is a very conservative estimate. And I been swimming a lot for the past few weeks before that, and you know the whole osmosis thingy, that probably contributed to the shocking reduction of Little Stallion.

I started to explain to her the reason for my condition, but she quickly dismissed me and told me to stay still. She then started to poke me right below my tummy for reasons unknown to me. Like hello that’s not where my butt is. If I didn’t know better I would have sworn that she was trying to turn me on, just to make sure I was a guy. Like I said, there was major shrinkage.

Eventually my ordeal thankfully ended, and the results were not good. I did have a fracture in my tailbone and a “displacement”, whatever that means. I have to go for a CT scan next week to see the extent of my butt trauma. Yippee.

Monday, August 13, 2007

I got a nice ass crack

I was at the clinic a few days ago to get my butt checked, it's been hurting a lot. No, I am not going to tell you how or why it hurts, let's just say it involved me and another guy and he didn't do something he was supposed to do. You know who you are, you butt wrecker.

Anyway like I was saying, I was at the clinic describing my ailment to the doctor. The next thing you know he has me facing the wall and starts poking my lower back and asks me if there was any pain. I was like of course not and told him that the pain was much lower. So he starts jabbing his finger lower and lower until he hits the sweet spot, upon which I give a sharp yelp. He then tells me that I could have a tail bone fracture (judging from the sharpness of my yelp?) and sends me for an X-ray at the radiology department, and off I went.

At the radiology department, I was asked to change to a hospital gown. I got into the changing room, which just happened to be right in front of the waiting area where 30 people were seated. Yep apparently privacy isn't really a priority to this people. I went to the changing room and changed to the gown, and realized to my horror that it was damn bloody small, I showing a hell lot of leg, more than I was comfortable with.

I walked out wearing it and immediately saw 30 pairs of ogling eyes staring right at me which I tried to ignore. I asked the nurse where I should wait, hoping to be led to somewhere more private but was told to sit in the waiting area with the other people. So there I waited for a good 20 minutes, me in the hospital gown while everyone else was in their own clothes. Yep, definitely not awkward at all. Will update soon about what happened in the X-ray room, that's another story altogether.