Friday, February 16, 2007

Get out of the lift if you wanna chat

You know what I hate? People in the lift who try to continue a conversation with someone OUTSIDE the lift. It happened yesterday, this girl who just entered the lift continued her conversation with her friend who was outside the lift. I immediately started jamming on the close door button, when the doors closed, could hardly contain my laughter when I successfully cut short their conversation.

I wasn't always like this you know. There was a time when I would patiently hold the lift, hoping that the person would be sensible enough to cut short the conversation out of embarrassment. But numerous instances later I realized that it was pointless, most people don't give a damn if the entire lift is waiting for them, and so I decided that I might as well get some enjoyment out of it. It's actually pretty hilarious to see people rushing their words or craning their necks to maintain eye contact as the door is closing , you should try it sometime if you never have done so.

But seriously, for those who do the above, would it kill you to take the next lift?

Thursday, February 15, 2007

New ad for iPod

See this is why Creative can never catch up. Makes me wanna go out and buy it right now. Only complaint - an iPod shuffle would have worked better.

Link (NSFW)

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Valentine's Day sucks!!

Came up with this earlier. Disclaimer: It's a bit harsh so don't read if you are really into Valentine's Day.

This is a poem to explain
Why today is such a freaking pain
The gist of it is Valentine's Day bloody sucks
You disagree? So what, do I look like I give a f*ck?

Flowers, candy and chocolates
Guys throwing money away like it was dirt
Women wait expectantly to receive their gifts
Their eyes in greedy anticipation, not unlike thieves.

The florists jack up their prices right on cue.
Roses and lilies now sell for quadruple their value.
Wait, you got to have a nice romantic dinner as well
Choose from any restaurant, each with something 'unique' to sell.

You reach the restaurant with your date.
10 minutes early, it would be unromantic to be late.
You see couples all around you, all seated in very neat rows.
They lead you to a table right by the window.

So what happens at the end of the dinner?
She tells you, but is it what you want to hear?
If you are lucky, off to a cheap sleazy hotel for a 10 minute romp.
Otherwise you are another loser who got nothing for spending a bomb.

Alright I know so far it all sounds pretty ugly
But I'm not entirely serious, hope that you can see.
But my idea of the perfect V day is one spent in intimate privacy
Just us two snuggled up together on a couch, watching a romantic movie.

Monday, February 12, 2007

My weekend and V Day.

It's the start of a new week.
Last one wasn't that great and I was a little sick.
Went to watch Little Children last Saturday.
It's about dysfunctional couples in suburban America, pretty good I have to say.

But despite its title, it's anything but soft.
Some parts are downright disturbing, like one of a paedophile jerking off.
But I really loved the ending, although I didn't get it at first.
Thankfully a friend explained to me, sometimes I can be slow like Fred Durst.

Met a couple of new people too, thanks to my friend Zee.
Else it would have been another Saturday night in front of the TV.
Her friends were cool, they were pretty chatty.
4 hot girls and 1 ok looking guy, I felt like I just won the lottery.

On Sunday I hanged out with a friend my fiancee, just us two
It was at this pretty nice cafe, down at Frankel Avenue
Just sat there and talked, we were there from 2 to 8.
It was pretty nice, actually it was pretty damn great.

Sometimes it's nice to do that, to just sit and talk.
Besides it's harder to have a conversation while taking a walk.
She talked about her life, and the guys she dated.
I talked about World of Warcraft, and the players I really hated.

K friend just read the above, she wants me to make a change.
The things you do for the people you love, even when they are being a pain.
She isn't happy cos I wrote initially that we are friends.
She thinks we are engaged, scary are the delusions of some women!

V day is coming up, it's this coming Wednesday
Lots of hearts and roses, and for some men, an easy lay.
Don't mind me, I'm just feeling a little jaded and cynical.
And no it's not because I don't have a date, sometimes I am just anal.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

If this isn't true love I don't know what is!

Girl: ... insert it into my back.
Boy: I got it, here goes.
Girl: Ouch! It's OK, push it all the way.
Boy: I'm sorry, it must have been painful.
Girl: It's OK. As long as it's you, I can take the pain.

If you wanna know where that's from, click here

Friday, February 09, 2007

Alcohol makes me say stupid things

I was at Cafe Iguana with a couple of girl friends (S & Y) on Wednesday, it was Y's birthday. We had like 2 jugs of margaritas between the 2 of us, I think I had like 5 glasses. After that we headed down to Insomnia because they were having free flow of drinks till 11 (12 for chicks) for 18 dollars.

So we got there, and hanging out and enjoying the band which was pretty decent. Then I went to get another drink (my third one there) when I saw someone I recognized. It was S2, this chick I knew in NUS whom I had a teensy crush on back then. She looked pretty different though, I wasn't quite sure if it was her. But then she saw me and waved, so I went over.

Me: Hey you, I wasn't sure if it was you, you look different since the last time I saw you.
Her: Really? Hey you look like you lost some weight. You look good.
Me: Thanks , you look great too!

So we talk for a bit then she asks me if I'm seeing anyone, and I said no. Then I threw the question back at her, and she said she was "pseudo-single". I asked her what that meant, and she said her boyfriend was in US, so she was kinda alone till he came back. My reply was "So is that like a hint to me?"

K before you leave a really nasty comment, please do understand that I did have like 8 glasses of assorted alcohol. And the problem is when I get tipsy, I start believing that I am like a Rico Suave, with my ultra smooth lines that no woman can resist. Hey we all need to escape from reality sometimes! Anyway her reply to that ultra-smooth line was


Ok so she didn't say it exactly that, but let's just say her reply came way too quickly, like as if she was trying to banish any thought in my mind that would make me think she was the least bit interested in me. Of course I realized my folly then, so I tried to casually pass it off as a joke (operative word here is tried) , but the damage was done. She quickly said she had to go off to the bathroom (I guess she was feeling nauseous for some reason) and before I could say bye she vanished, the object of my little crush in school.

I don't think I will ever see her again.

I was at Insomnia on Wednesday night.
The music was good, the band was tight.
Then I met this university crush of mine.
And I have to say she still looked pretty fine.
But then I made the mistake of acting like Don Juan DeMarco,
And as a result I ended up looking like a big fat zero.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Old dogs shouldn't try new tricks

I am writhing in pain as I type this. It feels like a truck ran over my foot. I am still not sure how it happened.

We were playing football (only in US they call it soccer) during my Remedial Training (RT) in camp yesterday. Yep for the past 2 months I been attending RT, which is basically physical training for all the horribly unfit guys who can't pass their annual physical fitness test, as required by the Singapore army. And if you know me, you will know that I suck at football , but I am nothing if not adventurous and unafraid to make an ass of myself. So when they asked for one more person to complete the team I volunteered bravely.

The match started and pretty soon the others in my team realized I suck ass, so they stopped passing to me despite me being wide open. Of course the opposing team left me wide open as well because they knew I was more a annoyance than an actual danger, just like the cat that kept running around the field at that time. But suddenly the ball ricocheted off an opposing player and rolled to me.

I decided this was my chance at glory and started dribbling (well more like pushing the ball and running after it) towards the opposing goal. But then this guy from the other team blocked my path and started grinning away. Yep he thought he stopped me for good, but I decided to prove him wrong. I did a quick stepover with both my feet a la Ronaldo, and then a body feint , and dribbled to the left. Then I heard a loud thud.

Next thing I know I was lying on the ground, and my foot was hurting like hell. I thought my opponent was so fooled by my little shimmy that he was forced to foul me, but then I realised he was like 2 meters away from me. Yep, apparently I tripped over the ball as I did my little shimmy, no one touched me. I groaned in pain, trying to ignore the roaring laughter from the opposing team. I turned my head to look to at my team, hoping someone would help me up, but I was greeted with looks of complete disgust instead. I picked myself up and slowly walked off the field, my head hung in shame. No one said a word to me.

The army can be a really cruel place sometimes.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

A mother's love

I am been having the worst cough ever for the last week. It's so bad that it was even keeping me awake at night, I just couldn't stop coughing no matter what I did. And of cos my ultra paranoid mom got insanely worried, and starts pestering me to go to the doctor every time she hears me cough. Which is like every other minute. So I promised her I would go the next day. Sigh going to the doctor for a cough, I tell ya, sometimes I don't feel like a man anymore.

So the next day I went to the polyclinic at around 4 pm to get it checked out. Oh before that, I have to mention that my mom called me like 5 times before that to ask if I had been to the doctor. But yeah saw the doctor after like 20 minutes of waiting, and it was this rather attractive doctor who attended to me. I mentioned that I been coughing non stop and been unable to sleep, but in a rather macho voice because I didn't wanna sound too whiny, I could feel some sexual tension between us building up, and no it was not the phlegm in my throat.

She nodded her head rather unsympathetically and then checked my throat and chest, during which I was kinda fantasizing that she would ask me to strip down for a more thorough exam. But alas she passed up at that chance, and told me my throat was "a little sore but that was it". She then wrote me a prescription for cough syrup and lozenges and promptly sent me on my way.

My mom called again from work , and when I told her it was just a simple cough, she actually went "Oh really, that's all?". Yup she actually seemed a little disappointed that I wasn't suffering from throat cancer or something equally serious, because now her worrying and fussing the past few days were for nothing. Gotta love moms.

The medicine I got suck ass. I'm still coughing as I type this. The cough syrup felt like water, it didn't even help one bit. I suspect the doctor thought i was malingering and so gave me weak versions or something, that bitch.

Yesterday I went to the polyclinic
My mom made me cos' I was pretty sick
Sigh that's what old age does to you
Seeking medical treatment for a cough? Never when i was 22!
But the doc who attended to me was pretty hot
Alas despite the sexual tension it all came to naught.