Thursday, October 19, 2006

Tip

I am flying off to Portland for work on Monday morning. Really looking forward to it but the only thing that worries me is tips. Yeah here in Singapore you don't usually give tips, so it's gonna be a little weird having to do that there. Weird because I am a bloody cheapskate.

But I have just come up with a plan to avoid paying them. I am gonna act like a country bumpkin from some rural part of India (complete with an exaggerated Indian accent) and feign ignorance when it comes to tips. It will probably go like this :

Waitress: It will be 15.95 sir.
Me : (Hands over the exact amount) Thanks.
Waitress: How about a tip?
Me : No I am full, thank you.
Waitress: No sir would you like to add a tip to the bill?
Me: What is this? I didn't order tip! Why should I pay for a tip? Are you trying to cheat me?
Waitress: Sir, it's usual to pay a tip here?
Me: Who is Tip? Why should I pay this Tip, I don't even know him? Can you call Tip here, I wanna talk to him!
Waitress: Never mind, asshole.

So what do you think?

12 comments:

  1. perfect. =)

    -Natasha.

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  2. That conversation would have been perfect for a classic Russell Peters routine. Excellent!

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  3. that's digusting. you obviously have never worked in the f&b industry. it is by no means an easy feat to be a waitress contrary to what most people might, think. These people work long and hard hours and believe me Singaporean customers are not easy to please. i hope they spit in your drinks or piss in your soup.

    Genie

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  4. Genie: No I never worked. FYI I'm not that well to do, so the amount I would have spent on tips I can use for more important things ok, like porn.

    You obviously have never paid for porn, it's not cheap at all, contrary to what most people think. I hope you always end up with guys who give you a bad time in bed cos they spent all their porn money on tips!

    Indian Stallion

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  5. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA. ok that was a hilarious reply bert.

    -Natasha.

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  6. lol funny post! you'll love Portland– NO TAX on EVERYTHING!

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  7. Hah! Too bad I can't see you in action.

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  8. *sigh* you poor thing. how silly of me. i'm sure you would have to spend way more money than most average males because you obviously ain't getting any.
    Genie

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  9. Genie: Well actually you are wrong, I get laid plenty. Wait it still counts when you pay for it right?

    K fine if it doesn't, then you win, cos you probably get banged every other night by a different guy. So kudos to you.

    P.S. Is that why they call you Genie, cos all they need to do is rub the right spot and you give them whatever you want? ;)

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  10. Way to go Bertie Baby!!

    That genie deserves it....anyways have not left comments for some time but still love you loads...didya miss me?

    Have a great time at Portland.

    - cheers
    The ONE

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  11. Hey Bert - I nearly fell of the chair laughing at this one- looks like your comments section is getting more popular! Anyways, have a good trip and I guess I'll try to save some pineapple tarts for you! (Dun worry, I didn't make 'em - they are safe for consumption...)

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