Wednesday, July 26, 2006
It is, especially for me, because I struggled during my teenage years to find out my true sexual identity. Yes you heard that right, the Stallion once contemplated grazing on the other side of the fence. But that was a long time ago, now I am so straight you could use me to draw a line. And it would be a really really long line, we are talking 20 inches. But enough of that distant past, I want to share this rather disturbing experience I had last Saturday.
I was at Harry's Bar with a girl friend of mine and having Tiger Beer, the choice of beverage for real men, when her two guy friends joined us. Of course I was my usual cheerful and friendly self, and I immediately engaged them in friendly banter to make them feel welcome. They seemed nice enough, and one of the guys had the most amazing eyes they were quite breathtaking to be honest, the kind you can just get lost in. Anyway we were chatting and suddenly one of the guys asks me if I was Catholic. I enquired as to why he would think that and he replied that it was because of my T-shirt which had the words "Lamb of God" in the front.
As soon as I heard that I started giggling hysterically, I just found it hilarious that they would think that. After a couple of minutes I calmed myself enough to stop, and then explained to them that it was the name of a metal band, and that it would be really lame for anyone to wear a religious t-shirt and go drinking in a pub. .
An hour went by and I was getting tired, so I took my leave of them and headed back home. The next day my friend told me that her guy friends from last night asked her if I was gay. Yes, they asked if I was GAY. Like WTF!!? Apparently I was giving them the once-over too many times.
As far as I can remember I did no such thing or anything else remotely gayish. Alright there was this one time where I was feeling a tad tipsy and I accidentally placed my hand on the guy's thighs to steady myself, but I did smile at him and say sorry.
Sigh I don't what's wrong with people nowadays, you touch them on the thigh once by accident and immediately you are a homosexual. We live in a sad world I tell you.
Speaking of being gay, Lance Bass from NSync just came out.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Singapore always does like crap in these international pageants. I think it's time we accept the fact that our women are not of international standard, they simply can't compete at that level. So I started to think about how we could solve that problem , and I came up with this brilliant idea.
First, we will go to some exotic country like Romania or Estonia and go to the poor areas to scout for really young beauties there, those who are around 17 to 19 years old would be ideal. We will offer them a full Singapore citizenship as well as housing and a monthly income if they agree to train hard and represent us at these international pageants. Of course we have to get a few girls who could be alternates, just in case one of the original girls gets maimed or scarred, it's always good to have a contigency plan.
Then we bring them back and give them intensive pageant training, and in 4 years time we can then send them to these pageants to compete and represent our beloved country.
Neighbouring countries might ridicule us for using a tactic that seems rather unethical and downright desperate just to try and win a trophy. But if that happens, we can always point out that last year's winner, Miss Canada, was actually born in Russia.
So that's that. I am pretty sure it would work, We could call it Pageant 2010, as in 2010 will be the year that we will try and win the Miss Universe title by. The good thing about naming it after a year is that if we don't achieve it, we can always change the name to Pageant 2020 or later.
Whatcha think of my idea? Do we have a pageant association of Singapore that I can pitch this to?
That was a question they asked a contestant during the Miss Singapore Universe pageant. It's actually not as easy a question to answer as it would seem. I had to think for like half a minute before I could come up with a suitable answer. Here is mine:
I would say everybody hurts by R.E.M. It's a beautiful song about not giving up no matter how bad things get, and I would say that is exactly how I am, I am someone who doesn't give up easily. Thank you.
Pretty good right? Here for comparison, is the contestant's answer (I am paraphrasing):
I choose Don't cha by Pussycat Dolls because they are sexy and I wanna be just like them.
Sigh times like this I wish I was born without balls. I would have made a good pageant contestant.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Sigh sometimes I wonder if God has it in for me.
I went for my annual physical fitness test last Thursday I was there half hour earlier and after completing my registration and getting my number tag. I waited for them to call us to start. 5 minutes in I started getting a pretty bad stomachache, however you aren't allowed to go to the toilet after you register because they don't want people to try to cheat by exchanging number tags. So I bravely held it out, hoping that it will all be over soon.
They called us 10 minutes later, and by now my stomachache had become much worse, and I started to feel this buildup of gas in my flat washboard abs. The first station was sit ups, so I decided to let the others go on first while I rested at the side, trying to overcome the nauseating cramps that were racking my body.
It was my turn next, and I sat down on the mat, braced myself and started doing my sit ups. Then as I I was doing my 10th sit up, IT happened. To put it delicately, I expelled gas. Really loudly.
A wall of laughter erupted around me the very next moment. I tried to ignore it and continued my sit ups, but it obviously affected my performance, I did horribly. After I finished I just hurried to the next station, not even looking at the other guys. It's an old defense mechanism I learned in school back then when I was continuously bullied and mocked at - if you don't see them laughing, they aren't laughing at you.
There is only one person I can blame for what happened, and that is my mom. I specifically told her not to make curry for dinner the night before because of my test, but she ignored me. Thanks MOM!!
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Yep they have recently split. Hey I don't blame her. It's not a good sign when your husband wears more makeup than you. And also the whole kissing other guys thing on the tongue isn't that encouraging as well.
Picture taken from the Superficial
I read this blog entry that reminded me of something that really annoys me - The inherent inability of women to ever say what they feel like eating.
It happens all the time. You are out with a girl or going out, and you ask her what she feels like eating. 9 out of 10 times the girl would say one of the following.
2. "You decide , I'm too tired to think."
3. "I don't care about the main course, but I want you for my dessert".
Firstly, anything. That's probably my most hated response. No one eats anything. Sometimes when a girl says that , I feel like picking up a rock and saying "Really? Well try eat this!!!!". But of course, social decorum prevents me from doing so.
The second response. This is almost as bad as anything. How few brain cells must you have that it actually makes you tired to think of a place to eat?
I just wonder what happens when two girls go out. How do they decide on where to eat? Maybe this is what it is like.
Girl 1: Eh where to eat ah?
Girl 2: Anything la.
Girl 1: I also anything.
Girl 2: I also anything.
Girl 1: I too tired to think, you choose la.
Girl 2: I also very tired la, why don't you choose.
Giril 1: I am more tired la. You choose can!!
This is what happens when it's two guys.
Guy 1: What you feel like eating?
Guy 2: What you gay is it, ask me what to eat? BK la!
So yeah my advice to the women, next time just offer at least one suggestion alright. At least some of the time.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
1. Do the following WITHOUT complains
2. Choose 5 person to do this after you completed yours
3. Leave a tag on the person's tagboard to say he/she have been tagged.
4. Start your post with "I have been tagged!" then do this.
HAVE BEEN TAGGED BY Preetha!
Current Mood: Horny
Current Taste: Curry
Current Clothes: Shorts, nothing else. Free Willy.
Current Desktop: blank - improves the performance because the PC does not need to keep reloading the picture.
Current Toenail Color: Slightly whitish, have this nasty fungal thingy.
Current Time: 9:17pm
Current Surroundings: My Room. Tv on. Porn movie playing on computer.
Current Annoyances: Someone at work.
Current Thoughts: Why can't I see my feet?
First Best Friends: Hairuddin in primary school. Till he stabbed my back , that bastard.
First Crush: This boy in secondary school, he had like the biggest biceps. Hey it was an all boys school and I was still finding my sexual identity alright!
First Movie: Hmm earliest I remember was Labyrinth starring David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly
First Lie: When I tried to blame the pee around the toilet bowl on my sis.
First Music: Ace of Base ( I saw the sign!)
Last Cigarette: Never smoked in my life.
Last Drink: Diet Coke, Heineken if you mean DRINK.
Last Car Ride: World Cup Final, friend was driving.
Last Crush: Cute gal at work, she's married though.
Last Movie: Pirates of the Caribbean
Last Phone Call: Shamini
Last CD played: Ashes of the Wake, Lamb of God
Last song played: Swim by In Flames
Have you ever
Have you ever dated one of your best friend: Nope.
Have you ever broken the law: I used to jaywalk back in the day. Yes I was a wild rebel back then.
Have you ever been arrested: Does getting handcuffed in bed count? Doesn't matter, still no.
Have you ever skinny-dipped: One word. Shrinkage.
Have you ever been on TV: Yes, on Tamil news when they interviewed my family on Xmas. It was a disaster, I had to speak Tamil. I don't speak Tamil.
Have you ever kissed someone you don't know: no.
5 things you are wearing: Shorts. Thats all I am wearing.
4 things you done today: Went to work. Chided someone at work. Watched One Tree Hill. Saw picture of Mischa Barton's nip slip.
3 things you can hear right now: One Tree Hill, Mom's SunTV program. Cars.
1 thing u do when you're bored: Porn.
1. Le Femme
4. Le Raine
5. Scott Adams (you never know)
Only if you wanna of course.
Take Anything You Want! video
Monday, July 17, 2006
Oh and a short snippet from Arrested Development I watched on Sat:
Michael had just set up this amazing romantic getaway for his bro-in-law and his estranged wife.
Bro-In-Law: You are quite the cupid aren't you? Well you can sink your arrow into my buttocks anytime.
Michael: Such a poor choice of words.
It's funny damn it! Go watch it!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Alright so the line I used on that girl at the birthday party wasn't amazing on hindsight ("You remind me of my mom, but much cuter") but it's definitely better than this line that is No.1 on some best pick up line list. Here it is:
Was your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
When I read that I couldn't help but cringe. And I'm a guy. To read other lines in the top 10 list, go here.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
She looked at me in anticipation, almost as if daring me to do it. And that moment I froze. I think she knew I was a newbie at this. I don't know how she knew, she just did. I stood there just staring at her not saying anything. Finally she broke the uncomfortable silence.
That one word. So simple yet so powerful. That one word made me realize what I had to do. I have gone too far to turn back now, to do so would only make me look really silly. So I grated my teeth and stretched out my hand. And handed the ticket to her. And she gave me back the betting slip.
100 dollars on Italy to win tonight. I have never bet more than 20 dollars on anything, so this was really a huge step for me. I will know by tomorrow whether my risk paid off. But whatever the result, I am glad I took this chance. Because that is what life is about isn't it?
Friday, July 07, 2006
Was at Cafe Iguana yesterday for a friend's birthday party. I didn't know anyone else so I chatted up this really cute girl sitting opposite me who seemed to be by herself as well.
Bad move. It's never a good sign when the girl you are talking to tries to avoid eye contact with you as much as possible. It's an even worse sign when she rather stare at the wall then to have eye contact with you. In desperation I pulled out the old "You remind me of my mom but way prettier" line but even then that failed to interest her.
Sigh, rejection's a bitch. I spent the rest of the party wondering if it would have helped if I had no feet, maybe she would have felt sorry and paid attention to me then.
Or maybe, just maybe, she was a lesbian?
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
I dreamt that I, along with my mom and an unidentified third man, had been kidnapped by some Middle Eastern dude and kept in this deserted house. Our hands and feet were bounded by rope, the really rough kind that bites into your skin. And then he informed us that he was going to get demand a handsome ransom for us from our families. And to show them that he was serious, he was going to cut the feet off one of us.
Yes FEET. I was totally freaked out. And as he came towards us with his big shears I closed my eyes and silently prayed that it was either my mom or the other guy who get their feet chopped off instead of me.
K wait a minute before you condemned me for sacrificing my mom for my own survival. At first I was like "leave my mom alone and cut my feet off!!", but then I started thinking. And the more I thought about it, the more sense it made for her to make an Basically I did a mental comparison in my head:
Me getting feet cut off
1. Would make it pretty hard to go out on dates, and chicks wouldn't be too crazy about a guy with a plastic foot who walks funny.
2. My new pair of blades that cost me 200 dollars would be totally wasted.
3. I have a longer life span, so I would suffer longer from the disability.
Mom getting her feet cut off.
1. She doesn't go out on dates anymore so that's not a big issue. (she's married, duh!)
2. She doesn't blade and does not intend to take it up otherwise she could take over my blades.
3. Let's face it, she's probably gonna go first. Hey truth's a bitch.
So hopefully now you don't think it was inhumane of me to think that way. Anyway back to my dream. He was coming towards us with his big shears. I closed my ears. I heard a loud snipping sound and then the sound of a guy screaming. Yup he had snipped off the guy's feet. Thank god I was spared. Oh yeah and my mom too.
He left with the bloody feet. And mom went over and tried to stop the guy's bleeding by using a towel but it wasn't really helping. Then the guy came back, and he told us that if he didn't get the money in the next 6 hours it would be someone else's feet.
And that was that. I woke up shaking and for a moment I was thinking if it had been real. Spent the next few minutes wondering what it meant. Still am.
Monday, July 03, 2006
6. Do not interrupt a conversation with a real live person to answer your cell phone. (Transplant surgeons are exempt from this rule.)
8. When out with coworkers or friends, constantly checking your phone for messages is annoying.
9. Text messaging while talking to another person is rude.
If it happens once, it's still ok. But 4 or 5 times and it gets really annoying, to the point where I feel like telling the person - "Should I leave you two alone so that you can have some privacy?".
I also have been out with a few people who actually had a five minute (or more) conversation on their phone while they are with me. Is it really that urgent that you can't tell the other party - "Hey look I am out with a friend, can I call you back later?".
It's amazing to me how people let this little gadget dictate their daily lives to the point where they forget basic human courtesy. Sometimes I really hate that stupid thing.