Tuesday, December 05, 2006

This is my country, this is my land

It's that time of the year where I don my army uniform and serve my beloved country. Yup yours truly is on reservist duty for these two weeks. It's actually going pretty well, except for the fact that the camp is all the way in bloody Tuas so i gotta wake up at 6 every morning, which is insanely early for me.

But seems like they have changed a lot of protocols in the past year, especially with regards to the uniform. We now need to have a "Singapore" tag on the top of our breast pocket, and our sewn name tags have to be plain instead of camouflaged like it currently is. Which is kind of ironic because 10 years ago it was plain, but they made us change to camouflaged. I can't really fathom why they wanna change it, maybe they want the enemy to be able to see your name clearly if they are trying to kill you, that they are hoping it will make them feel more guilty about killing something who has a a name?

Oh and you also need to sew your vocation on your collar. It's like they are trying to put badges/emblems in whatever free space of your uniform that they can find. I won't be surprised if next year we have to put the entire Singapore flag on the backs of our uniforms. Or maybe sponsorship logos.

But one thing still hasn't changed.

Cookhouse food still sucks ass.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Meetro: Interesting new IM

I been playing around with meetro, this new instant messenger (IM) that has a very interesting concept - it shows you other users who are near you geographically.

I am sure many of you know about the website WhoLivesNearYou.com; well this is basically the same concept implemented in an instant messenger. You register, giving your address, and it immediately retrieves other users who are closest to you. You can even sort the users in terms of their distance from you (km or miles) .Here is a screenshot:



It supposedly allows you to connect to your favourite IMs as well like ICQ, Yahoo Messenger, MSN and GoogleTalk, but unfortunately I couldn't get it to connect to Yahoo Messenger or MSN. Sent feedback to the team, but no response as of yet.

My overall impression is that it's a very cool idea, and a great tool for those who are into online dating or who like to meet people off the net, you get to know people who are actually physically close to where you are. However it's fairly new, so I couldn't find many people near me, or even in Singapore for that matter. But that should change as it becomes more popular.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Two really funny videos and Taboo.

How to avoid sexual harassment

Tom Cruise is a Sith Lord.

I was playing Taboo at a friend's birthday party earlier. It's like charades but with certain words you can't say out. For example, you can't say boxer when the word is Mike Tyson. So it was our turn , and one of the guys stepped up to describe the word.

Guy: It's something you don't wanna step on when you are jogging.
Me: Land Mine!

Immediately everyone on my team started laughing uncontrollably. Like what the hell, does anyone wanna step on a land mine while jogging? I don't think so!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Update from LA Airport

Waiting for my flight back home, it leaves in an hour.

Had a pretty great time here, thanks to my buddy James who was such an amazing host, did more than what I even expected just to make me feel at home. You probably won't read this but if you do, thanks man I really appreciate it!

Couple of funny stuff I encountered while I was here. One was I kept seeing this street called "Ped Xing" as we drove around, I found it really strange that they had streets with the same name in different parts of the city. I asked James about it and he told me that it meant "pedestrian crossing". And then laughed at me for being a dumbass. Like hello how was I supposed to know?

Saturday was INSANE. They had this big (american) football game between Michigan and Ohio State, and everyone was watching it. We went to the bar at noon and started drinking. At noon. I don't even remember the last time I drank during lunch time. Then after the game ended we drank even more. By the end of the day I had downed like 8 pints of beer and 3 glasses of wine. I was pretty alright till the wine. James said I was drunk, but my definition of drunk is when I don't remember what I did or said the previous night, and I still did. His friend who was with us on the other hand, WAS drunk. He was rambling non-stop at the end , and we accompanied him back to his apartment before we left. But he was a pretty cool guy though.
Woke up on Sunday with a really bad`hangover, but still managed to do some shopping. Bought myself a couple of really nice shirts and jeans from this shopping center called Target, it's so great to finally be able to choose something nice AND find my size for that piece of clothing. Spent quite a bit of cash but it was really worth it.

Ended the day by heading down to Hollywood, it was not as WOW as I thought it would be, but still pretty cool. The street performers were nice, there were guys dressed up as characters like darth vader, ariel, supergirl and you could take pics with them for a price. Also checked out Santa Monica Beach and Orange Country. But I do have to say one thing, LA chicks are pretty hot.

Alright flight is boarding, I'm off!

Friday, November 17, 2006

Update from Tampa Airport

Alright I am at Tampa Airport right now waiting for my flight to LA, so just thought I do a quick update.

As expected, I got hauled over for a "random" security check at the gate. Random my brown ass. They wiped my belongings with some sort of cloth which they then put through a machine to scan for residue, I'm guessing, from explosives. She was friendly enough though, not like the staff who interrogated me when I arrived.

So the conference was pretty interesting, I gotta see a whole lot of new technologies as well as the latest (High Performance Computing) HPC offerings from our major competitors. Saw some pretty cool demos as well, there was one where you could travel around earth and see buildings and mountains in 3D using a remote controller, it was based on Google Earth. There was also another where you had a virtual baseball game, where a computer pitcher throws a ball at ya and you try to swing an actual baseball bat to try to hit it. K I think it's cooler if you see it in person.

Also gotta know quite a lot of really nice people when I was there. There was Phillip from Denver who was this pretty funny guy, Carlos from Brazil who was really nice, he drove us around the whole time we were there, or at least what little time we had free. And of course there was Silvia, this really nice Italian girl who had like the funkiest earrings and beads I seen. I think those were the highlights of the trip for me, the people I gotta know.

Hoping to meet more people in LA, and also to catch up with my good buddy James, it's been forever since I saw him. My next update will probably be on Monday at LA Airport, that's all from me now.

Meme

From my cousin's blog


Fill in every question and don't post w/o filling in every blank with at least a word.

1. Never in my life have I: bungee jumped, but i wanna.

2. The last person I kissed was: A girl at the national library on our 2nd date.

3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always manage to make me smile: it's either one or the other.

4. The high school I go to is: St Patrick's School (91-94)

5. When I'm nervous: I get really quiet and fidget.

6. The last time I cried was: hmm prob like 2 months ago.

7. My hair: is usually really short, its easier to mantain.

8. When I was 5, I: don't remember.

9. My Christmas last year: sucked.

10. When I turn my head to my right, I see: the hotel room door.

11. I should be: sleeping.

12. When I look down I see: my legs crossed Indian-style

13. The craziest recent event was: a near death experience in Portland

14. By this time next year: I'll be a year older.

15. I love: women.

16. I have a hard time understanding: why some people don't get my humor.

17. One time at a family gathering: I hid in my room cos I don't really like my relatives.

18. You know I like you if: I do things for you that show you that I been thinking about ya.

19. Take my advice: cos many have, and few can say I been wrong.

20. My ideal breakfast is: bacon!

21. If you visit the place I grew up: It's nothing special to be honest.

22. Soon I plan on visiting:Hanoi, Vietnam.

23. If you spend the night at my house: Mommy won't like that.

24. The world could do without: obnoxious people.

25. The most recent thing I bought: A kama sutra book from Borders in Tampa.

26. My favourite brunette is: jolie.

27. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: horses.

28. Last night I: went to borders and got myself a whole stack of books, and also got something from Victoria Secret.

29. My birthday is on: 13th September 1991

30. Tomorrow I will be: flying off to LA to see James.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Are you tone deaf?

Take this test to find out. Check out my results yo!



Ya'll should know I'm da man when it comes to music! But don't matter anymore cos' now I got proof dawg! From da site itself - "The test is purposefully made very hard, so excellent musicians rarely score above 80% correct."

I dedicate this result to Su who has made a running joke of the fact that I am the only person she knows who owns an electric guitar but doesn't know how to play it. Well who's the better musician now, biatch? Post your result and we will see!

Am now in Tampa bay , FL

Didn't have the best experience at the airport. 2 words for ya - Racial profiling. I got stopped for "random" checks at almost every counter at the Detroit airport, it got really annoying.

And then there was this really bad experience with the woman who stamped my passport. She mentioned that my name was spelt wrong, so out of curiosity I leaned over and tried to read my name off her screen. Immediately she stared at me and went "Sir, please do NOT look at the computer screen. If you were supposed to read what is on there, it would be facing you." Like seriously, what's up with the attitude, bitch? K so I shouldn't have tried to look, but there no need for the sarcasm, was there?

That was not the end of it. Her colleague who was standing beside her then started questioning me a series of really dumb questions.

Woman: Are you originally from India? (while looking at my singaporean passport)
Me: No.
Woman: Are your parents from India?
Me: No.
Woman: Are any of your ancestors from India?

Wow, nice deduction Einstein! I was really tempted to ask her if any of her ancestors were originally from Africa (she was black), but decided not to because I wasn't really in the mood to be called in for a strip search. So I replied that my grandparents were from India, and she smiled in response, probably pleased with herself for her deductive skills.

Alright I have to rush back into the conference room right now so more updates from me later.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Flying off tomorrow

I'm off to Tampa bay, Florida tomorrow for the Supercomputing 2006 conference. It's like a huge event that they hold every year, and this is my first time going for it so I am pretty excited.

Words can't express how big of a deal this is. Think of it as Spring Break for geeks. But instead of ogling at hot women in bikinis, we will be ogling at the latest hardware and technologies in the areas of high performance computing and storage. And add to that I am finally meeting people I chat with every night in the high performance computing channel on IRC, and will finally be able to converse with people in real life about technical stuff without the other party yawning. You can't ask for much more in life I tell ya.

The conference ends on the 17th, after which I am heading down to Los Angeles to meet my old JC friend James who lives there, haven't seen him in almost 3 years. I didn't really wanna go at first, but he convinced me by telling me that Indian men were considered exotic in LA and he would hook me up with a few hot chicks there. Why else do you think I been jogging recently?

All in all it looks like it's going to be a pretty fun trip, save for the 20+ hour plane ride there and back. Will update more when I get there.

On an unrelated note, the government is amending laws to make oral and anal sex are gonna be legal soon! Thank god, finally! Cos' it's really annoying when hookers go "Sorry, I can't do that, it's illegal.", I'm sure other guys out there will agree no?

Here's a question for ya

I was jogging earlier, and around 1/3 of the way I started having a stomach upset. It wasn't that bad, so I continued jogging. But as I was finishing my run, around a kilometer from my house, it got progressively worse.

By the time I reached the lift of my flat, it was almost unbearable and I was was suffering from nausea. I barely made it to the toilet in time, I didn't even bother to take off my socks, it was that bad. The rest of the details I will spare you, but here's what I was wondering about. It happens a lot to me. As in a stomachache that gets progressively worse the closer I am to home? Why is that so? Does anyone know? Or am I the only one that it happens to?

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Indian men pay for sex but want virgin brides: poll

The most interesting statistics from the survey are as follows:

"The survey of more than 2,500 men aged between 16 and 25 conducted by India Today magazine across 11 cities found that 49 percent claimed to have had sex with a sex worker while 37 percent said they had had a homosexual experience.

But 63 percent of young men in conservative India said they expected the women they married to be a virgin.

Fourteen percent of those surveyed said they had had sex with a member of their own family."

K the last part is kinda scary. 14 percent engaging in incest, that's not exactly a low number. K I have heard that some traditional families in India have this thing where the cousin has the right to marry their niece, that is already hard for me to understand, but we are talking about sex with a sibling or a parent, here.

K it's a sex survey, and a lot of guys probably exaggerate/brag in such surveys because thats what guys do, so often the results have to be taken with a pinch of salt. I never get why guys do that, you don't see me bragging about me losing my virginity when i was 12 to an half-Italian, half-Japanese and 1% Hispanic model. But I digress, my point is doing it with a family member is hardly something to brag about, so that percentage is probably fairly accurate. I really can't imagine, as hard as I try, anyone going around bragging to their friends - "Hey guys, I banged my sister last night, she was a fine piece of ass!". K I feel creeped out just typing that.

Oh yeah the 67% wanting a virgin bride was also somewhat surprising, albeit less so compared to the incest statistic. I had the impression that those views were no longer as widespread as they once were. Men and their double standards! And they wonder why so many women hate them.

They should really do a similar survey here, among the different races. It would be really interesting to see what the results would be.

KsE : Whoring to MTV?

One thing I really hate about Killswitch Engage is how they re-record their songs for their music videos, they replace almost all the screams/growls with clean singing. They did it with the End of Heartache video, and now they did it with their new single "My Curse" from their upcoming album Daylight Dies. It's a real pity because it's a really great song, but the edited version pales so much in comparison to the original version.

It's obviously a tactic to garner more fans from the mainstream rock audience, but it's kinda sad to see a band willing to compromise their integrity to the extent of modifying their songs simply for the sake of getting more sales. What's next, selling their songs to be used as jingles?

Check out the edited (radio friendly) version here.

Original (album) version can be found here.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Stupid jet lag

I must still be suffering from jet lag, I woke up at 5 am this morning. I never wake up that early. Either that or I am getting old. Hopefully it's the jet lag.

I was wondering what to do so early, and then I decided to go on WoW. I haven't been playing for a couple of weeks because I been in the States and also I been busy preparing for the trip. So decided to pop in and say hi to the members of my guild whom I kinda missed.

Yes my guild members are really tight with each other, sometimes it's almost like we are part of a family. I logged on, only to find out that the guild button was grayed out. I stared at it in disbelief for a few minutes. Then the truth dawned on me, I got kicked out of my guild. Talk about a bad start to a day. You think you finally found a guild who accepts you for who you are (i.e. a crappy player) and you open yourself up to them, and one day you come back from the States and you find yourself kicked out. Well you know what, I was never really into that guild anyway so I don't really care! Good riddance!

Just found out I probably have to travel to US again next week, this time to Tampa Bay, Florida. Just a verbal confirmation, have to wait till I have the plane tickets in my hand before I can safely say I'm going. But if that happens, I will remember to get the stuff I forgot the last time, I promise!

Went shopping with the sis yesterday for my belated birthday present. Belated as in 2 months after my birthday. Alright, so she did gave birth a couple of weeks before my birthday and had to "rest", but I think that's just an excuse. Childbirth is like way overhyped, it's probably way easier than what women make it out to be. But yeah it was fun, got a nice reddish-maroon stripped shirt, a belt and 3 pairs of boxers - 1 black, 1 white and 1 grey. White when I am really happy, black when I am really angry, and grey when I am sad.

What, women can wear different kind of bras to suit their mood but men can't? That's gender bias for ya. A note to the ladies, if things ever get freaky between us and I happen to be wearing black, run. Don't even bother looking back, just run and get the hell away from me. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Yes, I am wearing the black one today. That is for you, my former guild. I will now strive to be the best ever druid on WoW just to show you people how wrong you were to dismiss me. Till then, adieu.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Halloween Party at the Prince of Wales!

Prince of Wales (101 Dunlop Street) is having a Halloween party tonight! Tickets are at 10 dollars and it comes with a free drink. And it's four dollars for selected drinks all night long if you come dressed up. Oh and if you are one of the 3 best dressed tonight, you get to take home a free bottle of vodka as well. For inquiries contact Nethia at 62990130.

Friday, October 27, 2006

I had a near death experience in Hillsboro

It's 3AM. I am at the airport waiting for my flight. My hands are shaking. But not from the cold.

There are some things that you take for granted without even realizing it. Things that have become so ingrained in your daily life that you don't give them a second thought. At least not until something happens, something that just makes you realize what a mistake it was. Like what happened to me today.

I was at the mall near my hotel, and I had just finished with my shopping. There is a free shuttle service at the hotel that drives us to wherever we want to within a 5 mile radius, but the weather was pretty good, so I decided to take a walk back instead. It was no more than 2km away, it would probably take me like 20 minutes. So I began walking.

The pavements were mostly empty, most people got around by cars it seems. I passed a couple of minor traffic junctions that were pretty empty. 5 minutes later I reached this major traffic junction that was pretty busy with cars. I pressed the button and waited for the pedestrian light to turn green. After a minute it did. I started walking. Then halfway, it turned red.

K for the non local readers, this is how the pedestrian lights in Singapore work. Green man comes on, you walk. Then the green man starts blinking, signaling that it would turn red soon, after which you shouldn't be still crossing. It makes sense. Red means stop, green means go. Now back to my story.

The damn light turn red when I half way across. Yes it was blinking, but it was freaking RED. K I kinda panicked. And I stopped once I reached the mid point, between the two opposing lanes. I figured maybe it would turn green after a while or something. (The pedestrian lights only turn green when someone presses the button)

It did not. I could see drivers in the cars staring at me , wondering what the hell an Indian guy was doing right smack n the middle of the freaking road. They probably thought I was crazy. And they wouldn't be far from the truth, I was on the verge of losing my mind. Then a few cars started honking at me. As if trying to goad me into running across and possibly getting run down.

It was pretty scary to be honest. A lesser man would have probably just lost his mind and either tried to dash across or break down in tears. But I remained calm. I closed my eyes and tuned out the horns. The stares. Then I opened my eyes. I realized what I needed to do.

I waited till the coast was fairly clear, and then I calmly make a mad dash for it. I had made it, but barely. There was a truck that might have hit me if I had been any slower. K it was like 20 metres away and slowing down, but it could have suddenly accelerated or something alright.

But yes, only after that I realized that the blinking red man means you can keep walking, it was our equivalent of the blinking green man. Which I still think doesn't make any sense, but whatever.

So that was my ordeal, which by the grace of God, I have emerged unscathed. It did teach me a valuable lesson. Not to take anything for granted when you are in unknown territory. It's a lesson I will never forget.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Howdy from Hillsboro, Portland

Yo what up my brudders and sistas! It's Master G checking in from the funky town of Hillsboro!

K fine no one talks like that here. It's like 5 am here but I can't sleep, so just thought I give a really quick update to you people.

Hillsboro is in fact a really quiet town, not that many people. There is like one building every kolometre, except for certain parts of the town where they have all the eateries and stuff. It's so quiet that I haven't seen any cabs or buses here so far, and the hotel actually drives me by car to wherever I want within a 5 mile radius, for free.

It's freezing cold, like 4 - 5 degrees Celcius, but I seem to be the only one going around in a thick winter jacket, so I quickly dropped it for my windbreaker after the first day. Not that I get out much, I was working for a day and a half straight from the time I landed, as we are working on a really strict deadline. The only time we go out is for lunch and dinner, so it's pretty sucky.

But the service here is amazing, the best I had so far. The waiters and waitresses are really friendly, genuinely so, and it's really a huge difference from what you get in Singapore. And they go the extra mile, like today my colleague couldn't finish his food, so the waiter asked him if he would like to pack it for later, without even being prompted. Tips are usually 15-20% of the bill, but seriously I think it's worth it for that level of service.

Maybe Singapore should follow that lead, abolish the service charge and introduce tipping. It would really improve service in my opinion, at least that way people in the customer service industry (like Genie) would feel genuinely appreciated for the work they put in, unlike now where it's quite the thankless task according to most of them.

Oh and unfortunately I was hoping for free porn in the hotel room, but no such luck. I think they should at least introduce a free porn channel with like more mature or butt ugly women, just to entice people to pay for the "premium" one.

I was originally supposed to be here till the end of next week, but that's cancelled so will be flying back this Fri morning (Sat noon Singapore time) so will only be back like Sunday morning.

I hope to do some shopping before I get back, but if things stay the way they are it's highly unlikely. So for those who asked me to get stuff for them, I might not be
able to ok. K signing off!

Friday, October 20, 2006

Thou shall not ask for a guy's steak if you have nothing to offer in return

K a friend and I went to Phin's Steakhouse at Tampines Mall last week for dinner. I had the New York steak on the recommendation of the waiter, medium rare, while she had the aglio olio.

The steak was heavenly. It was really juicy and mouth watering, and was easily one of the best steaks I had in a while. But then again, I don't really go for steaks that often, and even when I do it's of the "mutton steak" variety that you get at the coffee shops. So yeah don't take my word for it and curse me when it doesn't meet your expectations when you try it.

So there I was completely enjoying my lovely steak, and I realized the friend was staring at me. Probably because I was making this gurgling sound as I ate it, you know the kind babies make when they are really happy. So of course I had to do the gentlemanly thing and offer her a piece, which she accepted.

K it turned out to be a huge mistake, because she absolutely loved it. She offered me a portion of her dinner in return, but I refused because I don't like aglio oglio. I don't like the oily nature of it, and I don't even like the name of it. It's a dish damn it, not a rhyme! Anyway I then proceeded to devour the rest of my steak, but I couldn't help missing the chunk that she had taken earlier. Minutes later...


Her: The steak is really good.
Me: Yes it is. You should really order this the next time you come here.

K there was a long uneasy silence after that, for reasons that I am still unsure of, so I decided to break the silence by doing another pretty gentlemanly thing.

Me: So...would you like another piece?
Her: Oh yes please, thank you.
Me: Errrm....actually I was just being polite.

K seriously everyone knows that the rule is to refuse the second time. Especially if the other person has refused your dish in exchange. I mean it was obviously not a fair exchange, my two pieces of amazing steak for absolutely nothing in return. I did nothing wrong damn it!!

But yeah her demeanor after I said that was pretty upsetting to the point where it was hampering my enjoyment of the steak, so I reluctantly cut off another piece and gave it to her, saying that I was only kidding about the "polite" bit. But of course, I made sure that the piece I cut was as small as it could be, but not small enough that it would be insulting. Hey I am a gentleman after all.

Besides women shouldn't eat so much beef, it's bad for their health. I read that in an issue of Playboy. So in a way I was actually doing her a favor. But yeah next time if you gonna ask for a portion of my food make sure you have something equally good to trade. Like lobster. Otherwise don't even bother alright.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Tip

I am flying off to Portland for work on Monday morning. Really looking forward to it but the only thing that worries me is tips. Yeah here in Singapore you don't usually give tips, so it's gonna be a little weird having to do that there. Weird because I am a bloody cheapskate.

But I have just come up with a plan to avoid paying them. I am gonna act like a country bumpkin from some rural part of India (complete with an exaggerated Indian accent) and feign ignorance when it comes to tips. It will probably go like this :

Waitress: It will be 15.95 sir.
Me : (Hands over the exact amount) Thanks.
Waitress: How about a tip?
Me : No I am full, thank you.
Waitress: No sir would you like to add a tip to the bill?
Me: What is this? I didn't order tip! Why should I pay for a tip? Are you trying to cheat me?
Waitress: Sir, it's usual to pay a tip here?
Me: Who is Tip? Why should I pay this Tip, I don't even know him? Can you call Tip here, I wanna talk to him!
Waitress: Never mind, asshole.

So what do you think?

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Tip: Do not smile at boys or men at a gym or fitness club

Every Monday when I go for muay thai at the fitness club I see this young 14 year old ang moh* kid there, he usually ends his session just as we begin ours. My lady friend, a closet pedophile, thinks he's really hot. K the truth is he's not that bad looking, blue eyes, blond hair, you know the type. But so NOT my type.

Anyway yesterday I was sitting at the couch of the fitness club, waiting for my friend to arrive. Suddenly I see the kid walking in my direction, he had just finished his session. Our eyes met, so I smiled at him warmly in recognition. The little punk didn't smile back! In fact he just simply glared at me as if he wanted to beat me up or something. I thought it was rather rude of him, but said nothing, mainly because I was afraid he would actually beat me up. The guy was only 14-15 at the most, but the size of his biceps and calves were like double mine.

So I did the smart thing and pretended to check my phone for messages while peering at him from the corner of my eye, but he kept glaring at me. Moments passed and I think he finally realized I was not going to be goaded into staring back (and getting beaten up), so he took the lift down. Yep my anti-bullying tactic I learnt back in school worked again - kids will find you too pathetic to beat up if you don't even look them in the eyes as they surround you.

Minutes later my friend came out of the lift.

Friend: Hey you know that cute ang moh kid we see every week? He smiled at me.
Me: Really? That bloody punk glared at me when I smiled at him. He was lucky he took the lift before I could get up, I was gonna beat the crap outta him.
Friend: Oh you brave macho stallion. Maybe he thought you were gay?

Oh yeah, that explains it. I neglected to mention that the majority of the guys there seemed to be gay. K it's not as bad as the RAW gym I blogged about a while back, but yeah it seems like 2 out of 3 guys I see there are gay. The kid was probably thinking I was trying to hit on him or something, hence him staring at me as if he wanted to beat me up. Seriously, what's wrong with smiling at another guy in a gym? Is it gay to be friendly?

*ang moh - caucasian

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

L6: Update

I finally got around to bringing my malfunctioning Motorola L6 to the service center on Wednesday, after countless requests by women* to get it fixed. Sigh sometimes I long for the days when I wasn't so popular with women. Like when I was the president of the chess club in secondary school.

The queue was thankfully short, and I waited no more than 5 minutes before a customer service officer attended to me. He was a short Chinese guy, fairly cute, and extremely polite for a guy. I detailed my problem to him, which was mainly that the damn interface hanged every time I tried to type out a message or add a contact. He took the phone from my hands rather suddenly, brushing my fingers lightly with his for a quick moment. It was quite uncomfortable to say the least, but I figured it was an accident.

After a few minutes of fiddling with my phone he looked at me, smiled apologetically and said that he would have to give it to his engineers to take a look , and it would take a couple of days. I asked him if they could loan me a spare phone, and he told me he would check to see if they had any.

He came back a couple minutes later with a phone. To call it huge would be a gross understatement, it was almost the size of one of those cordless phones and as long as my the length of my hand. You would think that a company like Motorola could afford more decent phones to loan out to their customers.

I had to call a friend who I was supposed to meet in a bit, so I tried accessing the phonebook, but I still couldn't figure it out after 5 minutes, the interface was that crappy. And the window only accepted like 3 words on one line of an SMS before you had to scroll down. Yes, is was the kind of phone Motorola gives to their customers. Anyway it was only 2 days and I had little alternative so I accepted the phone.

I went back to the office and charged my phone since it was almost flat. 10 minutes later I noticed a burning smell in the air. I checked my laptop but it was fine, and then I realized it was the phone. Yes, the damn phone was emitting smoke. I think the battery must have imploded or something, as part of the keypad was bloated probably due to the extreme heat. So not only did they give me an ancient phone, but they put my life in danger! Hey, I could have gotten a call and placed the phone on my ear and burned myself or something.

Am going back later to get my phone back, going to mention the incident to them, but probably not gonna make a big deal about it as long as I get my phone back.

*mainly my sis and mom.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Jogging at East Coast

Last Friday, I went jogging with 2 friends at East Coast Parkway. One was my guy friend who was training for his annual physical fitness test, and the other was a girl friend that I recently got re-acquainted with after a long absence.

I kept a faster pace than I am usually used to. I blame it on male pride, we always have this need to exert our superiority over women in tests of physical endurance . I expected that sooner rather than later, my friend would tire pretty soon and ask to slow down the pace, therefore effectively admitting to my better physical conditioning. We ran the first 1 km, and quite surprisingly she kept pace with me without any complaints. Brave girl, I thought to myself, but I knew she wouldn't last.

We had now run close to 2km and she still kept pace with me, and even worse, she didn't even seem that tired. I on the other hand, was panting like a rabid dog by this stage. I started to get a bit nervous, it seemed like my plan might backfire on me. She did ask me if I was ok, but I just replied flippantly that this was the "rabid dog panting" breathing control technique that I read from a website and that it really helped regulate my breathing, I couldn't tell if she bought it though, mainly because she probably couldn't hear what I was saying in between all that huffing and puffing. My other friend was behind us for most the way, he had decided to stick to his own pace rather that try assert his male superiority like I did.

We finally reached McDonalds which was the halfway mark and I sprinted ahead as we reached it, raising my arms in victory. I did that because I knew by then that my tank was pretty much empty, I was probably gonna struggle for the jog back to our starting point. But hey at least I could claim the halfway mark win. K I know it wasn't a competition but it should have been, maybe that was why I didn't run as fast I could. Yes I think that's it.

On the jog back I really started to struggle as I had known I would, while she still seemed as fresh as she was when we first started off. I had now gone from "rabid dog breathing" technique to "rabid dog whining while being sodomised" breathing technique, it was not pretty. She slowly pulled away from me despite my attempts to block her from going past me with my body, and I ended the jog like a full 5 minutes after she did. Oh my other friend who kept to his own pace throughout the race also ended up in front of me.

Anyway I learnt an important lesson from this jog. Never let your male pride dictate your pace, or you risk ending up whining like a dog that just been sodomised.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

My Motorola L6 doesn't do sms anymore

Yes, for some reason it hangs whenever I try to type out a message. Really annoying. Have to send it to the shop but I am thinking of getting a new phone (k800i). So if I don't reply to your messages you know why. Anyone has this happened to them?

Muay Thai again

Yesterday was my 2nd lesson of muay thai, and thankfully it was slightly better. Emphasis on slightly. I didn't rush my punches and kicks this time around, and thankfully I managed to greatly reduce my girly punches/kicks to like 5%. But at the end of the warmdown, we were made to do chin-ups, sit-ups and push-ups. Hmm it was as if the instructor wanted to see if he could break me by focusing on my weakest body parts - my girly arms and my beer belly, which i refer to affectionately as my baby.

I think we did like a 100 crunches, and at the end I couldn't even sit up without assistance. I could almost felt my baby dying inside my tummy. Then it was push-ups. I lost count of how many we did, but in the end I was doing girl pushups. I could almost feel the look of disgust the instructor gave me even though he was standing behind me, but at that point I was too tired to care.

After the lesson, my friend brought me to this California Fitness booth at Novena Square to take a fat/fitness test. Apparently California Fitness are opening a new branch at Novena Square, so they were giving all these tests and freebies to promote the opening of their branch.

I was pretty apprehensive at first as I was not sure how the machine worked. I was wondering what would it do if it found me too fat. Would it say in a robotic voice - "Congrats. You have the fat content of a baby hippo." ? Oh would there be flashing red lights and sirens? I mean you never know what these people might resort to get others into the gym.

The guy who helped me with the test was a short guy with huge biceps. His biceps were so huge that it was all I could do NOT to squeeze them, just to see if they were real. He helped me onto the machine, gave me these two handles to grab on to, and then told me to wait while the machine computes my "fatness". Five minutes went by and the machine was still computing. I was beginning to worry that maybe there was too much fat for it to compute, I was half expecting an error message saying "Infinite fat detected, unable to compute" or something like that. But then finally it completed its analysis and the results came out in a printout.

The results were actually pretty decent. It said that I was pretty fit, I had gotten a fitness score of 78 which puts me in the good category (80 is very good). I had to lose 11 kg of fat to reach my ideal weight, but everything else was pretty normal. I'm glad I did the test, I knew that I had become fitter after all that running, but at least now I have a piece of paper to prove it. And you can't put a price on that. Now if they only had a machine which after it does the fat analysis immediately performs liposuction on the affected areas.

Now that would be really something.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Float like a turtle, sting like a butterfly (Part 2)

Eventually the instructor couldn't bear to see me in action anymore, and he promptly asked me to "take a rest" at the side while the others kept training. Of course that was codeword for "Stop embarrassing yourself and me, I will not have you insult my dojo". So I stood at the side as the rest continued their drills, slowing waiting for my arms to regain some feeling.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity he let me into the sacred circle again. This time I was resigned to the fact that I had no dignity left. I will probably be, from now on, known as the Indian guy with the flailing girl arms. So I took my time with my punches and kicks. It was still really tough, but at least I reduced the amount of senseless flailing that I had resorted to earlier and did regain some measure of dignity.

Finally (and thankfully) it ended. My arms hanged uselessly by my side as I thanked the instructor, I had no more strength to even lift them. I took a quick shower and headed back to the train station. And I realized I couldn't climb the stairs to the station, my legs and hands just wouldn't obey my order for them to go against gravity. I had to practically haul myself up by pulling myself up using the metal railing at the side of the stairs. A man who was going down the stairs looked at me as I struggled up, and then he fished out his wallet and offered me ten dollars. Yes, he thought I was some sort of poor invalid and he was probably impressed that I could actually climb the stairs or something. I politely declined by grunting (I was too tired to talk) and he apologized and hurried away.

So that was my first taste of muay thai, AKA bloody torture. And I am going to do it next Monday as well. Yes despite all that pain, it was actually very cathartic to punch and kick the damn bag, I was imagining someone I really hated while I was doing it, and for that brief 5 minutes it felt good. And also it was an amazing workout, my hands haven't felt this exhausted since that 6 hour porn marathon I went through when I was a teen. Let's wait and see how my 2nd lesson goes.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Float like a turtle, sting like a butterfly (Part 1)

K I am going to let you guys in on a little secret. I been jogging like 14 km a week for the past couple months, in my third and final attempt at maintaining a regular exercise regime. I been feeling much fitter since I first started, so when a friend asked me to join her muay thai class, I was thinking "Why not? She's a girl, and if she can do it I'm pretty sure I can too!". And so I agreed, fully confident that my 2 plus months of regular exercise would probably make it not that tough for me.

So we arrived promptly for the lesson, and first they made us do stretching. We had to put our legs up on this ledge, but I couldn't stretch my leg far enough. Hey, it's a common (and very known) problem among guys with huge dicks alright. Off to a bad start, but I decided I will make up for it for the actual lesson.

Next was skipping rope. K I kind of panicked, I haven't skipped rope since secondary school. But there was this other woman who looked like she was in her late 30s who was also attending the class, and she was doing pretty fine, so I decided it was probably like cycling, you can't forget it. I was wrong. I skipped like I just got stabbed in my right foot. I think I barely stringed five skips together before I stepped on the rope. K fine 0 out of 2, but there is still the actual lesson, I was determined to really give a good showing in that.

So now it was time for the lesson proper, punching and kicking the punching bag. I started off furiously, I was determined to at least gain some pride back after my poor showing in the warm up and skipping rounds. I was doing a pretty good job. For about 2 minutes. Then my arms began to feel like lead. Then my legs. Pretty soon I was hitting the bag like a girl. No not a girl, because my friend was doing it way better than me. I was hitting the bag like a primary school girl. You seen how they fight, they just flail their arms about and hope they hit something. I was doing EXACTLY that. Oh and I was moaning at the same time, like a whale that just been harpooned.


(To be continued tomorrow)

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Weight is not an appropriate conversation starter

Yes the title would seem like an obvious statement, but apparently it isn't as obvious to some people.

I was having dinner with my friend R last week when she saw a former acquaintance of hers, someone she hasn't seen in a while. At first the friend of hers didn't seem to recognize her, but then he realized who she was and came over. Now, I was expecting the guy to say something like "Hey, it's been a while, how ya been?" or something to that effect. But what he (let's call him ASS) said totally took me by surprise:

Ass : "I'm sorry but I REALLY need to tell you this. You REALLY put on a lot of weight." (Yes he emphasized the word "really")

WTF!!? Why the hell do people say stuff like that? I hated it when my relatives said that to me when I went over to pay them a visit. And they wonder why I rarely come to visit them nowadays. Seriously, here's a tip for people who love to give those kind of comments - people KNOW that they put on weight, you do NOT need to tell them. We know that our clothes did not shrink. We know that the reason we can no longer walk up the stairs without sighing is not because they have gotten steeper.

To her credit, R took it pretty well. And the insane thing is she looks fine to me, but the way he said it was like she had put on a million pounds. Not that it would be ok for him to say it then. And people wonder why young girls nowadays are starving themselves to the brink of death just to stay stick thin.

If it had been me, I would have probably replied with "OMG Really?? Thanks for telling me, I never noticed!" or "You don't look so hot yourself" or " Well true, but I still look better than that girl you went out with last time, the one that looks like a horse?". Alright fine, I would have probably just stayed silent and then cry myself to bed that night. Yes, I am very non-confrontational in person (AKA I have no balls).

So don't be like ASS, and think before you speak the next time you feel the need to point out flaws in someone you meet.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Long overdue meme

Servers down for maintainance. I'm restless, my fingers keep itching. So in the meantime, a meme.


List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your Livejournal (or blog) along with your 7 songs.


1. Walk With Me in Hell - Lamb of God (Thrash)

Amazing riff right off the bat. My favorite song off their new album Sacrament.

2. With A Thousand Words To Say But One - Darkest Hour(Metalcore)

Amazing intro, great song.

3. SOS - Rihanna

I can't NOT dance and sing along when this song comes on. It's not a pretty sight.

4. Through the Fire and the Flames - Dragonforce (Power Metal)

This song has probably my favourite guitar solo ever. Lead singer reminds me of Robert Plant from Led Zep.

5. Seabeast - Mastodon (Progressive Metal)

A song about Moby Dick. The video is awesome, it's done like a 60s silent movie.

That's it, only 5 that stick in my head right now. I usually listen to whole albums on my player, not songs.

That was for you, my lovely Raine.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Does my face scream serial rapist? (Finale)

So I sat there all moody and dejected after my new friend deserted me for some other friend's wedding. But then another group joined our table, a father and daughter. The daughter was kinda cute but kinda young , I think she was probably around 19. But hey age is just a nuisance number and she's legal, so I waited for her to look in my direction, and then I gave her my friendliest non-perverted smile ever.

What do you know, she smiled back, and it was a pretty sweet smile. And then she started heading towards my direction. Yes she was going to sit beside me! I thanked god for finally giving me a break. But then just as she was going to sit down, a voice bellowed "No, sit here!". It was her dad. She looked at him for a moment, as if contemplating whether or not to defy him, but then she gave me a sad smile and moved over to the other seat. Her dad then took the seat beside me and gave me a really long hard stare. It was as if he knew of my plans to defile his little girl or something.

By now the table was completely full of people who seemed to know everyone else, with the exception of me. I felt as if I was intruding on some family reunion to be honest. And then hot girl finally decides to strike up a conversation with me. From across the table. And hence allowing everyone to listen in on our conversation. She started asking me about what I worked as, where I studied etc etc. And I kept giving really curt answers because I didn't feel like sharing my personal details with everyone in the table. But she didn't stop. After 5 minutes of forcibly sharing my life details with a table of complete strangers, I excused myself and left soon afterwards.

And so ends the serial rapist trilogy. It was pretty sucky for the most part, but I did get to meet this really amazing guy, so it wasn't a total disaster. I only wished I had gotten his number, I would have loved to hang out with him sometime. Oh and I forgot to mention in the other post, he paid me a really nice compliment - he said I looked younger than my age. I almost blushed when he said that. Some people just have that knack of making people feel good about themselves. Maybe someday I will get to repay the favor.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Steve Irwin killed

It's pretty sad, I really liked the guy. It was pretty obvious from his show how passionate he was about what he did. He was the first guy that I saw who got so excited while describing seemingly normal animal behavior, he would explain things like a kid discovering magic for the first time.

My fondest memory was when he was talking about this croc, and it bit his hand and held it for like 10 seconds. He was totally cool the whole time, and when he finally got his hand free he continued presenting, with his hand dripping blood. If it was me I would have been crying for my mom and/or fainted.

RIP dude.

p.s. Click the title of the post to read the BBC news report about his death.

Does my face scream serial rapist? (Part 2)

Sigh my children, so impatient you all are.

Alright so where did I stop? Oh yeah I was trying to have a conversation with the hot chick's back. Then the bride's brother brought another person to the table. A GUY. And asked him to sit right beside me. I looked at him angrily, and then I saw it. A glint in his eye. This was his payback for me bullying him when we were younger. He probably told hot girl that I was gay or something - that was the only reason I could think of for her ignoring me the way she did. Some people can be so immature I tell ya.

Anyway I ignored the guy and kept trying to get the hot girl's attention, but I realized after 15 minutes that I wasn't getting anywhere. So out of sheer boredom I turned to the guy beside me and striked up a conversation. He looked like the typical Indian mama, but beggars can't be choosers.

I couldn't have been more wrong. The guy turned out to be pretty cool. He was in the top 6% of his polytechnic batch, but he made the stupid mistake of signing up for the air force and was now stuck in a bond. He was smart, funny and time just melted away as we chatted. We talked about our careers, about how all the women we met were either psychos or closet lesbians, and how we are better off without them. I couldn't believe it, I was actually having a great time. I looked at him again, and realized how shallow I was for pre-judging him without even getting to know him first.

Suddenly he stopped talking and looked at his watch. Then he looked at me, and I knew it was gonna be bad news.

Him: Sorry I got to go. Got a wedding to attend.
Me: Can't you stay a bit longer?
Him: Nope sorry. It's a close friend of mine. I have to go. It was nice talking to you.

I hate to admit it, but I actually felt sad that he had to leave. I just wanted to talk to him some more. I mean, he could have stayed for another 5 more minutes, was that really too much to ask? But he didn't , and I didn't press him further. I watched him leave, not knowing if I would ever see him again. And the strangest part is now there were 4 other people at the table, but I felt lonelier than when I first came and there was no one.

That's not the end of the story. Part 3 tomorrow.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Does my face scream serial rapist? (Part 1)

That was a rhetorical question, in case you feel the urge to leave an answer. It happened again. If you remember, I blogged a while back about my friend's birthday party at Cafe Iguana, and how the cute girl opposite me would rather stare at the ceiling than talk to me. I cried myself to sleep that night, but the next day I told myself it was one of those freakish things that happen once to everybody.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

I went to the solemnization ceremony of a childhood friend of mine (let's call her V) at this clubhouse at Balestier Road yesterday. My sister was supposed to accompany me since she knows V too, but then inconveniently she gave birth last week and so was confined for the next month. Anyway I was sitting there alone at this huge round table, waiting for the ceremony to start and getting really bored out of my mind because I didn't know anyone there. Then this rather fetching girl in a sari came to my table. V's brother had seen me sitting alone and had asked that girl to sit on my table. So nice of the boy to hook me up. Almost made me feel bad for beating him up when we were kids.

Unfortunately it went downhill from there. First, she felt the need to choose the seat furthest and directly opposite from me on the table, even though they were all empty. K fine I thought, I been through dates where the girl did that so it was no biggie; I was confident that I could win her over with my charisma and personality. But before I could utter a word, she turned her back to me and looked at the stage. At the old (and topless) Indian priest who was doing the Hindu rites. Yup, she would rather see an ugly old half-naked guy chanting mantras than talk to me. I couldn't believe it was happening again. I would have rather she stared at the ceiling like the other girl.

What's up with those Indian priests anyway? They are half-naked all the time during all these functions. The thing is they are almost always fat. I don't know, but if I had to be half-naked in front of people most of the time I would probably try and work out and have a half decent body to display. But hey that's me.

But I digress. I spent the next half hour looking at hot chick's back which was not as fun as it sounds. I think she turned around like once to drink from her cup during that time without even looking at me. But then something amazing happened. Will blog about it tomorrow.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

I hate you (but I am not emo)

I am sitting here in my office, trying my best not to lose it. And at this very moment only one person comes to my mind. It's a guy. He's naked and shivering, and he is watching me in fear. Fear of what I am going to do to him. He is right to be afraid, I am imagining all the unspeakable things that I would like to do to him. To make moan in pain, to make him suffer. Just like what he had done to me. I want him to taste his own medicine, to let him know how bitter it is.

My hands are still shivering, and as hard as I try I can't make them stop. I never hated anyone as much as I hate him right now. I am talking about the guy who came up with that stupid thing called "centralized air conditioning".

Seriously, this has to be the dumbest invention ever. My office space is perpetually ice cold, and when it rains (like now) it's freezing to the point that my fingers are suffering from frostbite. I went to the receptionist but she said there is nothing that can be done, that the controls to the air-conditioning throughout the building is "centralized". In fact no one knows who controls it or even where the control center is. I don't get it. Isn't technology suppose to make it easier for us to control our resources, rather than prevent it?

I trudged back to my seat dejectedly. Along the way I noticed the girls in the marketing department huddling together trying to keep warm. I wanted to go over and hug them, to sacrifice some of my body heat to keep them warm. But as is often the case, my intentions would most probably be misinterpreted so I didn't.

I don't know how long I can take this. It's getting so bad that I feel like asking my colleague to hug me just for his body heat. I am actually eyeing his warm body with lustful longing right now as I type this. This is what I have become. But I am too cold to care anymore.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Cubicle Etiquette

I was in one of the cubicles in the office loo yesterday and taking a dump when the most foulest stench permeated the air. I almost gagged. No it wasn't me, it was coming from the adjacent cubicle

I am pretty self-conscious when it comes to this, I usually flush every few minutes if it's one of those dumps that are gonna take a while. I do that because I am aware that any scent that is emitted from me is probably something others would not wanna experience.

But apparently from yesterday's experience it's not true of anyone. It was pretty overpowering to the point of being nauseating and I sat there praying to God that he would flush it immediately, but my prayers went unanswered.

In the end I couldn't take it anymore and left the cubicle, my own task uncompleted. It really sucks when you have an unfinished dump. It's like when you are having sex and suddenly you realize that your erection is gone because you got too nervous. Not that it happened to me (as if!), it happened to a really close guy friend of mine, let's call him milberty. But yeah you just end up feeling frustrated and like complete sh*t (no pun intended) because you couldn't finish what you started.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

I am a bloody idiot

I was on the train earlier when this old guy started hogging the pole while spreading his arms, taking up like 4 people worth of space in an already crowded train. I was standing next to him, so I decided to take a picture of him with my phone and blog about it now.

My phone is on vibrate as I am always listening to my mp3 player on the train, so I casually dropped my phone and pointed it sideways towards him. And pressed the button.

By pure coincidence, he immediately turned towards me! I quickly pretended to check my phone for messages but the guy kept glaring at me. Thank god I was dropping off at the next stop , I didn't turn back as I exited the train but I was pretty sure he was still glaring at me.

I then started wondering how come he knew I was taking a picture of him as I was pretty careful to not be obvious about it, so I decided to try and take another picture. Imagine my horror as my phone made a super loud shutter sound when I pressed the button. In BLOODY VIBRATE MODE.

Thank god it wasn't some ah beng, probably would have punched me in the face. Stupid phone, I still can't get the camera to stay silent!

My ex-intern found my blog!

This former intern of my department stumbled on my blog by accident and recognized me. Not that I mind, but there was this recent entry about another intern I wrote which could be a bit embarrassing if that particular intern read it and took it seriously.

I make it a point never to blog about people IF I know that they read my blog, mainly because they might take it the wrong way even if I didn't mean any offence; in fact that's what happened in the past. But it's not always foolproof, recently another girl I blogged about (the girl with the very pretty necklace) also discovered my blog, although thankfully she wasn't offended. I always thought that the chance of someone I write about stumbling onto this page was remote, but now I might just have to rethink my blogging policy.

By the way blogger beta (beta.blogger.com) is out, and it has some really nifty features. :

1. Give your posts labels/tags for easier categorization
2. Control who can read your blog
3. Change the appearance and content of your blog with your mouse instead of HTML

Those 3 are quoted from the official blogger blog. The last isn't so exciting for me, but the first two are long overdue enhancements. Although on second thought, I will probably stick with having another blog for my private posts just so that I don't accidentally post something that was supposed to be private. Will probably move over during the weekend, just in case I encounter any screw ups. You know, after I come back from clubbing 5 am in the morning on Sat, being the party animal that I am. What did you think, that I was going to stay home the entire weekend? Like hello!

But would appreciate it if anyone who has already crossed over can let me know of any problems they are having or had, and things I need to take note of. Thanks.

Oh and before I forget, a shoutout to Nicole! Nice to see ya again love.

p.s. I just realised I overused the word "blog" in this post.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Why I haven't been blogging

Quite a few people have been asking me this so I decided to dedicate a blog post to it. Yes the irony. K actually only 2 people have asked me so far, but I am sure many of you out there are silently wondering as well.

It's because I have a life damn it. Yes unlike you people out there blogging every other day, I actually have things that occupy me in the real world. And for the past few weeks I been occupied with this one real life task that has completely consumed me, leaving me with little time for online pursuits. What is it I hear you ask?





Yes that's Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II. It's a role playing game (RPG) I been completely obsessed with for the past month. And probably the best RPG I have played for a while thanks to its really engrossing storyline. Give me a game with a great story anytime, compared to mindless hacking (Diablo) and shooting (Half-Life) anytime.

Alright I am not gonna bore you with any more details because unless the Force is strong in you you would find it hard to understand what I am saying. But I am almost done replaying the game so you should see regular updates from me soon. In the meantime, follow my example and get a life!!


Sunday, August 13, 2006

The scent of a durian

I was at the supermarket yesterday doing my grocery shopping when I came across these guys selling durians. I breathed in the wonderful smells and my mouth started to water. And that reminded me of a friend, of something he said a couple weeks back. He said he almost tried durians once, but he couldn't bear to because of the stench, which according to him, was comparable to sewage.

Yeah, you heard me right. SEWAGE. Hell if sewage smelt that good I would go swimming in it. I love the smell so much that if they had a durian cologne, I would be the first one to buy it. Yes if you can't tell by now, I am a huge durian lover.

I remember as a teenager the only time I would come out of my room (I spent a lot of time in my room exploring myself) ) was when someone bought durians. Oh and also when my sister's hot friends from school came over, but I digress. We would then lay out newspapers on the floor and start splitting and sucking the sweet succulent cream off the seeds, it was almost like a family ritual. Those were good times.

The friend is question is a foreigner from a non durian eating country. And I notice that the other foreigners i know also can't stand the smell, so I am guessing only non-locals would have that problem. But a friend I talked to earlier also can't stand the smell and she's local. So anyway I just wanted to find out if that's true. Are there any foreigners out there who actually like durians? And are there also locals who find the scent repulsive, or is that local friend of mine like weird or something?


technorati tags:,

Friday, August 04, 2006

Tech: Password protect your blogger posts!

One of the biggest problems with blogger is that it doesn't allow you to password protect your posts. Fortunately someone came out with a way to do so. To read more and find out how to do it, go here. Pretty nifty, but I am now trying to find out a way to not show the encrypted text. The password for this post is "indianstallion".



Please go to http://www.vincentcheung.ca/jsencryption/instructions.html to see how to do this.

EDIT: This is an ancient post and doesn't seem to work anymore.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

We don't get any respect!



That front page of our local newspaper has been stirring up a lot of controversy lately; apparently the bloggers' pictures on that page were taken from their blogs without any permission. I think there is even an online petition that has been created to protest against the newspaper's actions.

I have to admit I was really pissed off when I saw the page as well.  I am sick of the media of treating us like crap and not giving us the respect we deserve. Seriously how bias can they get? Bloody hell they can put a dog and a picture of an infant (who I suspect aren't bloggers) there, but they can't even find a single picture of a male Indian blogger (MIB)?  WTF!?

Don't we breathe the same air as the bloggers of other races? Don't we drink the same water? Don't we eat the same food? Alright, ignore the last point because I don't really like Chinese food.  But it's as if they think we MIBs aren't really serious bloggers; that all we are good for is making pratas and the ability to hold our alcohol. Oh, and our huge dicks as well, can't forget that.  Damn them, we are more than that.

This has gotta end here and now. I am going to start a petition asking them to include one of us MIBs in the next article they write criticizing local bloggers. And also that when they do, they include a huge ass picture of a MIB on the front page. Who is with me?

technorati tags:, , , , ,

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Say no to premarital sex, kids!

It's hard being a teen nowadays. They are subject to way more pressure than I did when I was one. They have to constantly juggle school work as well as extra curricular activities. They get bombarded with media images telling them how to dress and how skinny they should be in order to be accepted by society. They also have to fend off horny boyfriends and perverted older men who try to take advantage of their naivete. At least that's what the girls in the IRC teen channel tell me.

Anyway I read in today's paper about how Singapore Muslim community is taking steps to discourage pre-marital sex among Muslim teenagers because of the sharp increase in abortions,STDs and pregnancies recently. One of those steps is to get taxi drivers to "advise" teen couples who get into their cab late at night. I think it's a swell idea. What better way to end a date than listening to a talk about the dangers of premarital sex from your friendly cab driver? But I am just wondering how the taxi driver would approach this rather sensitive topic? Maybe it might go something like this:

Girl: I had a really good time tonight.
Boy: I did too. (To cab driver) Hi, could you go to punggol avenue 4?
Cabbie: Oh only one place?
Boy: Yup.
Cabbie: Oh you must live really close to each other eh?(Starts driving)
Cabbie: So are you Muslims?
Boy: Yes we are.
Cabbie: Cool me too! So you guys thinking of having sex later?
Girl: Excuse me?
Cabbie: Well me and my wife have sex pretty often now, and we are both really glad that we waited till we got married. If we had pre-marital sex we probably be so sick of it that we won't be having it at all now. I'm just saying.
Boy: Thanks for sharing.
Cabbie: You are welcome. My friend Ali had sex before he was married, and he's now in the hospital dying of AIDS. You don't wanna die of AIDS, It's not really the best way to die. He tells me that God is punishing him for having pre-marital sex. His wife and children have long abandoned him. He's probably gonna burn in hell for all eternity. Do you kids wanna burn in hell? Well do you??


You know that might just work.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Question of the day

If Subway prides itself on being a healthier alternative to fast food joints, why does it offer cookies and lay's chips on the side?

technorati tags:,

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Sexuality is a very sensitive topic

It is, especially for me, because I struggled during my teenage years to find out my true sexual identity. Yes you heard that right, the Stallion once contemplated grazing on the other side of the fence. But that was a long time ago, now I am so straight you could use me to draw a line. And it would be a really really long line, we are talking 20 inches. But enough of that distant past, I want to share this rather disturbing experience I had last Saturday.

I was at Harry's Bar with a girl friend of mine and having Tiger Beer, the choice of beverage for real men, when her two guy friends joined us. Of course I was my usual cheerful and friendly self, and I immediately engaged them in friendly banter to make them feel welcome. They seemed nice enough, and one of the guys had the most amazing eyes they were quite breathtaking to be honest, the kind you can just get lost in. Anyway we were chatting and suddenly one of the guys asks me if I was Catholic. I enquired as to why he would think that and he replied that it was because of my T-shirt which had the words "Lamb of God" in the front.

As soon as I heard that I started giggling hysterically, I just found it hilarious that they would think that. After a couple of minutes I calmed myself enough to stop, and then explained to them that it was the name of a metal band, and that it would be really lame for anyone to wear a religious t-shirt and go drinking in a pub. .

An hour went by and I was getting tired, so I took my leave of them and headed back home. The next day my friend told me that her guy friends from last night asked her if I was gay. Yes, they asked if I was GAY. Like WTF!!? Apparently I was giving them the once-over too many times.

As far as I can remember I did no such thing or anything else remotely gayish. Alright there was this one time where I was feeling a tad tipsy and I accidentally placed my hand on the guy's thighs to steady myself, but I did smile at him and say sorry.

Sigh I don't what's wrong with people nowadays, you touch them on the thigh once by accident and immediately you are a homosexual. We live in a sad world I tell you.

Speaking of being gay, Lance Bass from NSync just came out.

technorati tags:, , ,

Miss Singapore's evening gown



Normally I would make some snide remark, but I think in this instance the gown speaks for itself. Thanks to Sirisha for the link.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

How Singapore can win the Miss Universe pageant

Singapore always does like crap in these international pageants. I think it's time we accept the fact that our women are not of international standard, they simply can't compete at that level. So I started to think about how we could solve that problem , and I came up with this brilliant idea.

First, we will go to some exotic country like Romania or Estonia and  go to the poor areas to scout for really young beauties there, those who are around 17 to 19 years old would be ideal. We will offer them a full Singapore citizenship as well as housing and a monthly income if they agree to train hard and represent us at these international pageants.  Of course we have to get a few girls who could be alternates, just in case one of the original girls gets maimed or scarred, it's always good to have a contigency plan.

Then we bring them back and give them intensive pageant training, and in 4 years time we can then send them to these pageants to compete and represent our beloved country.

Neighbouring countries might ridicule us for using a tactic that seems rather unethical and downright desperate just to try and win a trophy. But if that happens, we can always point out that last year's winner, Miss Canada, was actually born in Russia.

So that's that. I am pretty sure it would work, We could call it Pageant 2010, as in 2010 will be the year that we will try and win the Miss Universe title by. The good thing about naming it after a year is that if we don't achieve it, we can always change the name to Pageant 2020 or later.

Whatcha think of my idea?  Do we have a pageant association of Singapore that I can pitch this to?

technorati tags:, ,

What song would you choose to describe your personality and why?

That was a question they asked a contestant during the Miss Singapore Universe pageant. It's actually not as easy a question to answer as it would seem. I had to think for like half a minute before I could come up with a suitable answer. Here is mine:

I would say everybody hurts by R.E.M. It's a beautiful song about not giving up no matter how bad things get, and I would say that is exactly how I am, I am someone who doesn't give up easily. Thank you.

Pretty good right? Here for comparison, is the contestant's answer (I am paraphrasing):

I choose Don't cha by Pussycat Dolls because they are sexy and I wanna be just like them.

Sigh times like this I wish I was born without balls. I would have made a good pageant contestant.




technorati tags:,

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Disaster at army camp

Sigh sometimes I wonder if God has it in for me.

I went for my annual physical fitness test last Thursday I was there half hour earlier and after completing my registration and getting my number tag. I waited for them to call us to start. 5 minutes in I started getting a pretty bad stomachache, however you aren't allowed to go to the toilet after you register because they don't want people to try to cheat by exchanging number tags. So I bravely held it out, hoping that it will all be over soon.

They called us 10 minutes later, and by now my stomachache had become much worse, and I started to feel this buildup of gas in my flat washboard abs. The first station was sit ups, so I decided to let the others go on first while I rested at the side, trying to overcome the nauseating cramps that were racking my body.

It was my turn next, and I sat down on the mat, braced myself and started doing my sit ups. Then as I I was doing my 10th sit up, IT happened. To put it delicately, I expelled gas. Really loudly.

A wall of laughter erupted around me the very next moment. I tried to ignore it and continued my sit ups, but it obviously affected my performance, I did horribly. After I finished I just hurried to the next station, not even looking at the other guys. It's an old defense mechanism I learned in school back then when I was continuously bullied and mocked at - if you don't see them laughing, they aren't laughing at you.

There is only one person I can blame for what happened, and that is my mom. I specifically told her not to make curry for dinner the night before because of my test, but she ignored me. Thanks MOM!!

technorati tags:, ,

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Carmen and Navarro have split

Yep they have recently split. Hey I don't blame her. It's not a good sign when your husband wears more makeup than you. And also the whole kissing other guys thing on the tongue isn't that encouraging as well.

Picture taken from the Superficial

technorati tags:, , , , ,

Rant: Anything

I read this blog entry that reminded me of something that really annoys me - The inherent inability of women to ever say what they feel like eating.

It happens all the time. You are out with a girl or going out, and you ask her what she feels like eating. 9 out of 10 times the girl would say one of the following.

1. "Anything"

2. "You decide , I'm too tired to think."

3. "I don't care about the main course, but I want you for my dessert".

Firstly, anything. That's probably my most hated response. No one eats anything. Sometimes when a girl says that , I feel like picking up a rock and saying "Really? Well try eat this!!!!". But of course, social decorum prevents me from doing so.

The second response. This is almost as bad as anything. How few brain cells must you have that it actually makes you tired to think of a place to eat?

I just wonder what happens when two girls go out. How do they decide on where to eat? Maybe this is what it is like.

Girl 1: Eh where to eat ah?

Girl 2: Anything la.

Girl 1: I also anything.

Girl 2: I also anything.

Girl 1: I too tired to think, you choose la.

Girl 2: I also very tired la, why don't you choose.

Giril 1: I am more tired la. You choose can!!

This is what happens when it's two guys.

Guy 1: What you feel like eating?

Guy 2: What you gay is it, ask me what to eat? BK la!

So yeah my advice to the women, next time just offer at least one suggestion alright. At least some of the time.

technorati tags:, ,

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I am finally doing a meme

K I don't normally do this, but I never refuse a woman's request so this is just for you my little Preetha.

1. Do the following WITHOUT complains
2. Choose 5 person to do this after you completed yours
3. Leave a tag on the person's tagboard to say he/she have been tagged.
4. Start your post with "I have been tagged!" then do this.

HAVE BEEN TAGGED BY Preetha!

Currents
Current Mood: Horny
Current Taste: Curry
Current Clothes: Shorts, nothing else. Free Willy.
Current Desktop: blank - improves the performance because the PC does not need to keep reloading the picture.
Current Toenail Color: Slightly whitish, have this nasty fungal thingy.
Current Time: 9:17pm

Current Surroundings: My Room. Tv on. Porn movie playing on computer.
Current Annoyances: Someone at work.
Current Thoughts: Why can't I see my feet?

First
First Best Friends: Hairuddin in primary school. Till he stabbed my back , that bastard.
First Crush: This boy in secondary school, he had like the biggest biceps. Hey it was an all boys school and I was still finding my sexual identity alright!
First Movie: Hmm earliest I remember was Labyrinth starring David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly
First Lie: When I tried to blame the pee around the toilet bowl on my sis.
First Music: Ace of Base ( I saw the sign!)

Lasts
Last Cigarette: Never smoked in my life.
Last Drink: Diet Coke, Heineken if you mean DRINK.
Last Car Ride: World Cup Final, friend was driving.
Last Crush: Cute gal at work, she's married though.
Last Movie: Pirates of the Caribbean
Last Phone Call: Shamini

Last CD played: Ashes of the Wake, Lamb of God
Last song played: Swim by In Flames

Have you ever

Have you ever dated one of your best friend: Nope.
Have you ever broken the law: I used to jaywalk back in the day. Yes I was a wild rebel back then.
Have you ever been arrested: Does getting handcuffed in bed count? Doesn't matter, still no.
Have you ever skinny-dipped: One word. Shrinkage.
Have you ever been on TV: Yes, on Tamil news when they interviewed my family on Xmas. It was a disaster, I had to speak Tamil. I don't speak Tamil.
Have you ever kissed someone you don't know: no.

5 things you are wearing: Shorts. Thats all I am wearing.
4 things you done today: Went to work. Chided someone at work. Watched One Tree Hill. Saw picture of Mischa Barton's nip slip.
3 things you can hear right now: One Tree Hill, Mom's SunTV program. Cars.
1 thing u do when you're bored: Porn.

Tag.

1. Le Femme
2. Su
3. Zehara
4. Le Raine
5. Scott Adams (you never know)

Only if you wanna of course.

Take Anything You Want

You gotta give it up to the Japanese for their creativity. Here is a instructional video for Japanese tourists on what to say when they encounter robbers in English speaking countries. I wonder if they have a similar one for rape/assault.

Link:
Take Anything You Want! video

Monday, July 17, 2006

Pirates of the Caribbean sucked

Watched it over the weekend, it was way way too long and totally not funny. And the plot was meandearing with a rather useless subplot involving natives. I found myself looking at my watch around the 2 hour mark wondering when it would end. Next up is Superman, hope that's better. Also wanna catch Murderball, it sounds pretty cool.

Oh and a short snippet from Arrested Development I watched on Sat:

Michael had just set up this amazing romantic getaway for his bro-in-law and his estranged wife.

Bro-In-Law: You are quite the cupid aren't you? Well you can sink your arrow into my buttocks anytime.
Michael: Such a poor choice of words.


It's funny damn it! Go watch it!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Mystery of the day: Why doesn't anyone else like Arrested Development?

Seriously, why? Am I the only one I know who watches this show religiously every Thursday? It's funny as hell, way funnier than the way overrated Desperate Housewives or anything else on tv right now.  It has already been cancelled in the States due to poor ratings.

technorati tags:, ,

Best Pick Up Line ever?

Alright so the line I used on that girl at the birthday party wasn't amazing on hindsight ("You remind me of my mom, but much cuter") but it's definitely better than this line that is No.1 on some best pick up line list. Here it is:

Was your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

When I read that I couldn't help but cringe. And I'm a guy. To read other lines in the top 10 list, go here.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Taking a risk

My hands trembled as I looked at her, I could only hope that she did not notice them. I have never done this before. But I told myself that there is always a first time, and if I didn't do this now I would spend the next few days regretting it. It was time for me to take a chance and throw myself off the deep end. I took a final deep breath and walked towards her.

She looked at me in anticipation, almost as if daring me to do it. And that moment I froze. I think she knew I was a newbie at this. I don't know how she knew, she just did. I stood there just staring at her not saying anything. Finally she broke the uncomfortable silence.

"Yes?"

That one word. So simple yet so powerful. That one word made me realize what I had to do. I have gone too far to turn back now, to do so would only make me look really silly. So I grated my teeth and stretched out my hand. And handed the ticket to her. And she gave me back the betting slip.

100 dollars on Italy to win tonight. I have never bet more than 20 dollars on anything, so this was really a huge step for me. I will know by tomorrow whether my risk paid off. But whatever the result, I am glad I took this chance. Because that is what life is about isn't it?

Friday, July 07, 2006

Stallion strikes out again

Yes I am like going through a really dry spell in terms of the ladies. Yup it has been so long that I would have forgotten how a woman looks like if it wasn't for porn. Maybe I need new cologne. I don't know what it is but I hope it ends soon.

Was at Cafe Iguana yesterday for a friend's birthday party. I didn't know anyone else so I chatted up this really cute girl sitting opposite me who seemed to be by herself as well.

Bad move. It's never a good sign when the girl you are talking to tries to avoid eye contact with you as much as possible. It's an even worse sign when she rather stare at the wall then to have eye contact with you. In desperation I pulled out the old "You remind me of my mom but way prettier" line but even then that failed to interest her.

Sigh, rejection's a bitch. I spent the rest of the party wondering if it would have helped if I had no feet, maybe she would have felt sorry and paid attention to me then.

Or maybe, just maybe, she was a lesbian?

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Bloody Scary Dream

I had one of my scariest dreams ever a couple nights ago. And believe me, I don't usually get scared easily so it was one hell of a nightmare.

I dreamt that I, along with my mom and an unidentified third man, had been kidnapped by some Middle Eastern dude and kept in this deserted house. Our hands and feet were bounded by rope, the really rough kind that bites into your skin. And then he informed us that he was going to get demand a handsome ransom for us from our families. And to show them that he was serious, he was going to cut the feet off one of us.

Yes FEET. I was totally freaked out. And as he came towards us with his big shears I closed my eyes and silently prayed that it was either my mom or the other guy who get their feet chopped off instead of me.

K wait a minute before you condemned me for sacrificing my mom for my own survival. At first I was like "leave my mom alone and cut my feet off!!", but then I started thinking. And the more I thought about it, the more sense it made for her to make an Basically I did a mental comparison in my head:

Me getting feet cut off

1. Would make it pretty hard to go out on dates, and chicks wouldn't be too crazy about a guy with a plastic foot who walks funny.
2. My new pair of blades that cost me 200 dollars would be totally wasted.
3. I have a longer life span, so I would suffer longer from the disability.

Mom getting her feet cut off.

1. She doesn't go out on dates anymore so that's not a big issue. (she's married, duh!)
2. She doesn't blade and does not intend to take it up otherwise she could take over my blades.
3. Let's face it, she's probably gonna go first. Hey truth's a bitch.

So hopefully now you don't think it was inhumane of me to think that way. Anyway back to my dream. He was coming towards us with his big shears. I closed my ears. I heard a loud snipping sound and then the sound of a guy screaming. Yup he had snipped off the guy's feet. Thank god I was spared. Oh yeah and my mom too.

He left with the bloody feet. And mom went over and tried to stop the guy's bleeding by using a towel but it wasn't really helping. Then the guy came back, and he told us that if he didn't get the money in the next 6 hours it would be someone else's feet.

And that was that. I woke up shaking and for a moment I was thinking if it had been real. Spent the next few minutes wondering what it meant. Still am.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Bad cellphone habits

I think a lot of people can learn from this guy. He shares the same intense dislike for handphones as I do. Some of my favourite ones are as follows:

6. Do not interrupt a conversation with a real live person to answer your cell phone. (Transplant surgeons are exempt from this rule.)
8. When out with coworkers or friends, constantly checking your phone for messages is annoying.
9. Text messaging while talking to another person is rude.


If it happens once, it's still ok. But 4 or 5 times and it gets really annoying, to the point where I feel like telling the person - "Should I leave you two alone so that you can have some privacy?".

I also have been out with a few people who actually had a five minute (or more) conversation on their phone while they are with me. Is it really that urgent that you can't tell the other party - "Hey look I am out with a friend, can I call you back later?".

It's amazing to me how people let this little gadget dictate their daily lives to the point where they forget basic human courtesy. Sometimes I really hate that stupid thing.

Friday, June 30, 2006

M1 Customer Service sucks balls

They really do. I was at the Bugis Junction last Friday at 1 pm to sign up for the tariff promo that gives me 50% off the monthly subscription and it was a pretty crappy experience.

First was the wait. I was made to wait an hour and fifteen minutes before I finally got attended to. And the thing was there were 2 counters that were unmanned, there was only 2 counters attending to people who were in the queue.  Would it kill them to hire enough staff to man all the counters?

Finally I got attended to. I asked to change my service plan to a cheaper one, as my current one was really old and so crappy that they didn't even offer it anymore. I tried to change it while I was still under contract last year but they told me I couldn't since I was under contract and I would have to pay 20 dollars. My contract had long expired so I assumed changing it now would not be an issue.

I was wrong. The guy at the counter told me that I still had to pay 20 dollars to downgrade to a cheaper plan, eventhough my contract had expired. When I told him what I was told over the phone last year, he replied that according to this branch's rules they have to charge that fee, and that I would have to call the M1 hotline and ask them to waive it off.

That is shitty customer service for you. I would have expected that he call the M1 hotline and clarify it for me, but apparently that wasn't his job. So I called the hotline and told them the scenario, and they waived off the fee for me after I explained the irrationality of forcing me to stick to a mobile plan that wasn't even offered anymore.

In the end I got what I was looking for, but not without a great deal of frustration. Anyone else had similar experiences with M1 or is it just my bad luck?

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Letting go is hard to do

It really is. It's hard to let go of something that you have treasured and cherished for many years, even when sometimes you know that's the only right thing to do.

I been with her for the 10 years. All this time I shared my bed with her and her alone, but I decided last weekend that I needed to make a change. She was getting a bit off putting nowadays. I guess there is only so much drool a pillow can take before it starts to smell. K my family have been complaining that she smelled for a while now but only recently did I notice the pungent odor. And I could almost swear I heard things wriggling underneath me as I slept sometimes.

So over the weekend I bought a new pillow. One with down feathers. I didn't wanna get another polyester pillow, it would remind me too much of her.

I went back and brought the pillow to my room. There she was, sitting at the side of the bed. There was a certain sadness in its face now, it was as if she knew her time was up. I dropped the new pillow and ran to her and gave her a hug. One final hug. And I don't know why but tears started falling off my eyes.

After what seemed like an eternity I got up. I took a bag and placed her. very gently, inside. Took her to the garbage dump. I left her at the side, I couldn't bear to throw her into the garbage container with all the other trash. I owed her at least that.

I went back and tried out my new pillow. It was incredibly soft. It was as if I was really sleeping on the bodies of a hundred ducklings. I fell asleep almost instantly.

The next morning I passed by the garbage dump on the way to work. She was gone, probably incinerated by now. But her memory will always live on in me.

technorati tags:, ,

Monday, June 26, 2006

Greek Bike Accident

This guy must be an offspring of a greek god or something. There is no other explanation. You have to see it to believe it.

read more | digg story

Music: Like a Virgin

Yes Hillary Duff is apparently still a virgin, according to her recent interview with Elle Magazine. The question here is who really gives a shit? Alright her boyfriend (the guy from the crap punk band Good Charlotte) might, but who else? Why do these female singers feel the need to let us know about their sex lives, or lack thereof. And then after they reveal all these details, they start whining about how the public won't give them their pricacy. Bloody bimbos.

First it was Britney, then Jessica Simpson, now her. It pisses me off. You don't see me bragging to my friends that I am  ....I mean I don't see my friends bragging to me about their non-existent sex lives. But the always funny Jay Leno had this to say about her claim : "....if you're dating a musician for two years and you're still a virgin, you're dating Clay Aiken."

And why don't celebrities ever brag about them not being a virgin. I would love to see an interview with a celeb who proudly proclaims that she got banged by three different guys in the past week. At the same time. Now that's something you can be really proud of.

In other news, and I say this with the heaviest of hearts, Kevin has left the Backstreet Boyz. I got pretty emotional when I heard the news. Kevin has always been my favorite Boy, mainly because I have always felt like I can relate to him the most. As in we are both men who still call themselves boys, and we both can't really sing eventhough we think we can. The band will not be the same without him, but I wish him the best in all his future endervours. We Backmates* are gonna miss you.

*Backmates: Fans of The Backstreet Boyz