Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Dating and Sex

I was at Borders checking out chicks browsing books a couple days ago when the title of a book caught my eye. It was "A True Story of 1001 Nights Without Sex" by Suzanne Schlosberg. I guess I noticed it because I a friend I know could relate to the title. Anyway I picked it up and started reading it, and pretty soon I found myself giggling like a little schoolgirl. Yeah it was a pretty funny book. Basically, the book is about the author's "streak" of going without sex after her break-up and her attempts to break it without resorting to one night stands. So she tries a multitude of ways to find a mate, from speed dating to match.com to moving to a completely different state, with mostly disastrous but funny results.

A couple of excerpts from the book:

"Eliminating men who sent e-mails like 'My best friend is my hairless little dog' ..." - Her match.com filtering policy

"I did make a mental note that he appeared to be showing the same amount of excitement toward my breasts as one might show toward, say' a pair of mouldy tomatoes." - About her first sexual partner, who, unsurprisingly, turned out to be gay.

Highly recommended, especially if you can relate to horrible dating experiences. Or as in my case, have a friend who can.

Fine fine I don't have a friend, it's me. Jesus, you people are so quick to judge aren't ya. Anyway it got me thinking about my own dating experiences, I had some really horrid ones which seem awfully funny now I think of them. And that got me thinking about the man-dates that I have had, and how most of them turned out to be rather pleasant experiences. And that got me comparing my dates with women and men and the advantages and disadvantages of each. And well this is what I came up with:

1. Conversation

With female date - You gotta be polite and not make any crude remarks or risk offending her. ("Wait a minute, you aren't wearing a bra are you?")

With male date - Screw politeness, you can pretty much say or cuss anything you want ("That fucking waiter glared at me, what the hell is wrong with a man date?? Asshole!")

2. Paying attention

With female date - You have to try and focus all your attention on your date, and not on other women, not even for a second. Not even if some hot gal gives you a wink and flashes cleavage at you. Or comes up to you and sits on your lap during dinner. Alright the latter didn't happen to me, but that's only because I didn't return her wink in the first place.

With male date - Hell he would probably join you in ogling at the hot girl.

3. Accidental touching

With female date - If you touch some forbidden part of your date accidentally, that's it. You can apologize all you want but it doesn't matter, you will probably be labeled a sexual predator by her and whoever she complains to for the rest of your natural life.

With male date - If you touch some forbidden part of your date accidentally, you both just pretend it didn't happen. I have accidentally touched a guy's butt during a man date, after which he casually asked me where we were going for dinner. Totally cool, it's like it never happened.

4. Uncomfortable silences

Female date - I hate these. You are suddenly left with nothing to say and it gets all quiet and weird. And then you start figeting and picking at the pimple at your face and it goes all downhill from there.

Male date - It never happens. Even if you run out of things to say there's always a) soccer ("So Man Utd really suck nowadays eh?") and b) army ("So what camp were you in?")

5. End of the date pleasantries

Female date - You gotta be nice and say you have a good time even if you didn't.
Male date - Pleasantries? It's brutal honesty baby. ("I have had a better time with my dog, asshole")

6. Sexual tension between you and your date

Female date - Exciting and incredible feeling, even if most of the time I seem to be the only one feeling that tension.

Male date - It only happened once. And...well I would rather not talk about it anymore.

7. Getting lucky

Female date - I have the possibility of getting lucky at the end of the date. (hey, it has to happen sometime right? Like hello, it's simple probability!)

Male date - The only way he's getting lucky with me is if we were in prison.

So it seems like there are more pluses to man dates compared to woman dates for me. Maybe I should start going out with guys more often.

10 comments:

  1. i imagine someone picking his pimple on a date. urgh.

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  2. I hope you're not considering more man dates in future! Don't let us girls lose out okay.

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  3. no no!! no man dates!
    what abt the one you promised me??

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  4. "giggling like a little schoolgirl"

    schoolgirl???

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  5. Milktea: Ya that's what I do when it gets awkward.

    Anonymous: Hmm are you asking me out on a date?

    Lycra: Ha, well it's still on. Once I go to India.

    Lancerlord: Yes, it's quite cute actually. The Borders staff will looking at me.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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