Thursday, June 30, 2005

Batman

Went to watch Batman with 2 gal friends a couple weeks ago, I was kinda hoping they would get frightened by the Dark Knight and grab on to me during the movie but no such luck. I throughly enjoyed the movie, it was the best Batman movie since the first one and miles ahead of the crap that was Batman and Robin. I was looking forward to discussing the movie with my 2 gal friends during dinner.

Instead the first thing they "discussed" as soon as we left the cinema was how huge Christian Bale's biceps were during the bedroom scene and how hot he looked while doing his push-ups. I stared at them disapprovingly. Fine, so his biceps were impressively huge, and yes I did find myself wishing I was lying below him while he did his push-ups (but only for a fleeting moment), but that's not the main point of the movie!

I wanted to discuss the dark, serious tone of the movie as compared to the cartoony feel of the last two. Or whether Michael Keaton was better than Bale in the batsuit. But yeah instead we ended up discussing his biceps in great detail and how cute he was. Fun.

Oh Blogger now supports uploading of images directly. Gotta try it out soon.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

No this ain't about the movie. This is about the book. Friends have been telling me incessantly that it's the funniest book ever written and I HAVE to read it, so I finally got myself a copy from Borders to see what the fuss was all about.

And lo and behold it did turn out to be the funniest book ever written. I could barely turn a page without laughing out loud. I wished I had read it sooner. These are all the things I wish I could say. But unfortunately the reality is it was as funny as the pimple on my ass.

I just don't get it. I consider myself a fairly funny guy (I'm being very humble here) but the humor presented in this book escapes me. Fine I did laugh like once, can't remember which part it was though. I was probably laughing because of how lame it was. I even tried re-reading it, I figured maybe I was too tired the first time so I couldn't give it my all or something, (I have the same problem with women) but it didn't work.

- Start of philosophical mode -
I guess humor is subjective. What someone finds funny might turn off another. There are those who think I am god's gift to comedy and worship the ground I walk on(thank you mom), but then there are also others who can't stand me with some even going to the extent of spitting vegetables at me during dinner. I guess the lesson here is you can never please everyone, you just gotta be true to yourself and do what you believe in.
- End of philosophical mode -

My best pick up lines revealed!

Just thought I would share this with you people. I know a lot of people wonder just how the stallion gets his women. Well wonder no more, for now you can too, with these tried and tested lines from yours truly.

1. I won't stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page.
2. Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
3. Wanna come back to my office and see my dual CPU, 2 GB RAM servers?
4. How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond?
5. You're sweeter than glucose.
6. We're as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes.
7. Wanna see how much faster programs run on my Opteron servers compared to Pentiums?
8. Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen.
9. You're hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!
10. My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always
increasing.

I lost count of the number of women I snagged with those lines. Sigh, sometimes I really miss those playboy days. But I have left my wild past behind me, so you guys go ahead and use them, they are all yours.

Disclamer : I actually got the pick-up lines from an email. Except for no. 3 and 7, those are mine. Just in case someone accuses me of passing it off as my own.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Intro to Fine Dining

Having lead a fairly affluent lifestyle for a while, the Stallion is used to the pleasures of fine dining. However, I rarely meet people who share my passion for it, so I decided (in the name of charity) to invite Nethia to have dinner at this rather lovely restaurant at Marina Square called Six and Sevens. The poor gal, her idea of fine dining is probably having dinner at Kenny Rogers so I decided to introduce her to a more socially superior way of dining. However as the evening progressed, I started to regret my decision to invite her.

First was the wine. I asked the waiter for the finest wine they had below 30 dollars and they brought out a wine bottle that looked more like grape juice than alcohol. The waiter poured a little of the wine to let me taste it, which I did and I then told him it was fine.

But then Nethia was like "Aren't you supposed to swirl and sniff the wine first?". I laughed at her naivete before I explained to her that people like me who practically fine dine everyday don't need to do the swirling and sniffing bits because we can tell the quality of the wine just by sipping it. She didn't seem utterly convinced though.

Next she complained that the soup was too watery. Again I had to explain to her that this wasn't Campbell soup, this was high quality soup that was probably flown in from France so the altitude probably caused the watery texture. But yes I was getting a bit annoyed to be honest at her lack of fine dining knowledge.

The main course was next. What happened then was really a low point in my long history of fine dining experiences. Nethia spat out a carrot piece halfway out the table while I was trying to engage her in intellectual conversation about the wart I found near my right arm. I was shocked at her appalling behavior but being a gentleman I pretended not to notice the big orange half chewed glob in the middle of the table. However, Nethia was incredibly embarrassed (as she should be) and appeared really tensed from that moment onwards.

Finally out of pity at her plight I did the most gentlemanly thing ever done in the history of fine dining. I reached out and "accidentally" knocked over my own glass of wine. Yes in order to relieve her embarrassment I magnanimously caused my own. However instead of ignoring the spilled wine she started laughing. Rude uncouth gal. She even rejected my explanation, insisting that I did not do it on purpose. How ungrateful can anyone get?

The rest of the dinner was spent with me trying to block out the sound of her continuous laughter and insults pertaining to my clumsiness. It turned out to be a night I would never forget.


p.s. Usually I would wait for her to post her version of the story before I post my own, but she's currently in Indonesia on a school trip for a whole month.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Who is Slipknot?

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"We are dangerous and that's why we should be locked up in a cage."

Slipknot is a 9-member nu metal band that burst into the scene way back in 1997 and gained a lot of attention for their scary costumes/masks and angsty lyrics.

Sample lyrics (from the song Surfacing):

F**k it all! F**k this world!
F**k everything that you stand for!
Don't belong! Don't exist!
Don't give a shit!
Don't ever judge me!


Alright so they aren't exactly lyrical poets but the music more than makes up for it. They play metal with some hip hop influences and they have a DJ as well, he's the guy with the spikes in his head. When I first heard them in 1998 I thought they were the heaviest stuff I ever heard, but that was before I discovered bands like Lamb of God, Killswitch Engage and Shadows Fall. However Slipknot was the band that introduced me to growling vocals, I never like those kind of vocals before, so without them I would have never given the bands above a chance.

I am not as big a fan as I was back then, but they do have some really kickass songs and their theatrics on stage should be pretty cool to watch. They are currently touring with Shadows Fall who are my favorite band of the moment, so if those guys come down as well in August it would really make my day.

Update: Just saw this on the Roadrunner (Slipknot's label) website. Can you spot the horrific error there? (Hint: It's the Singapore entry) Let's see how long it takes before they correct it.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Slipknot is coming to Singapore!

I can't believe it. This is amazing news, finally a half decent band comes to Singapore to play. Tickets are at 100 dollars, a little pricey but what the hell it will probably be worth it.

Anyone else interested in going?

Friday, June 17, 2005

A Blogger's Privacy

I have always guarded with much fervor my real identity. I don't do the whole blogger meetups thing, and I am pretty selective about the people I meet (they have to be really hot) due to the danger of my real identity being exposed in public. You might be wondering why I am so paranoid, after all what could be the worst that can happen if people knew who I was really was?

Well let's take Batman for example. Imagine what would happen if everyone knew his real identity. He would never be able to go out in public without being harassed by people. Even worse, his life would be in constant danger from his enemies even when he isn't in his batsuit and fighting crime.

Fine the Batman analogy was bullshit. The truth is I took some artistic nude pictures when I was a teenager. I was young and naive then, I didn't think to check his facts when he told me he was a famous photographer from Vogue. I thought he could make me famous and so I trusted him , I did whatever he wanted me to do. I trusted him so much that I didn't even question it when he asked me to wear that pink polka dot dress and put on the handcuffs. Well it turned out that he wasn't from Vogue and he proceeded to sell my pictures to gay porn websites for a shitload of money.

The pictures are now all around the internet and I can't imagine what would happen if anyone found them and realized that it was actually me. They would probably print the pictures in the local papers and then my life would be a complete hell with people debating about how immoral I was to do such a thing. I don't wanna deal with that, it would just crush me.

Anyway I have a point in bringing all this up. Recently I revealed to someone new my real identity. I did so because I felt I could trust her. The first few times I met her I was my usual wary self, I would wear this huge ass cap that covered half my face and I would only talk to her when she turned away from me. But slowly she gained my trust and I finally let her in on my real identity. If we were still continuing with the (lame) Batman analogy she had become my Robin.

But two days ago, Robin betrayed me. I was supposed to meet her for dinner, and behold my shock when she brought along a friend who till then had only known me through my blog. I scrambled for my cap in my bag as soon as I saw her but then I realized I didn't have it, mommy had sent it for laundry earlier. Damm you Mom. I had no way out, I was exposed.

It will probably be only a matter of weeks before I see my picture on the papers. I am already bracing myself for all the media publicity that will be coming, I will probably never have a another moment of privacy. Thanks Nethia. Yes thanks to you I will never trust anyone again. Batman flies solo from now. I hope it was worth it dear. Give back the Robin ring I gave you that time, you don't deserve it.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

New Album Alert

Never Gone - Backstreet Boys (BSB)

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Yes the bad boys of teen pop are back! As soon as I heard the news I immediately started playing their classic hit "Backstreet's Back" on repeat! It's been almost 5 years since their last album Black and Blue which was a little disappointing to be honest, but it's all cool because they have released their latest album, Never Gone! It seems so long ago since the time I sang "Quit Playing Games With My Heart" to this chick in junior college whom I really fancied. I didn't know how to express my feelings to her, so I decided to use the song instead. So what if it didn't end the way I hoped it would (she got her friends to "persuade" me to leave her alone), the song helped me express my love to someone without looking like an ass so I will always be grateful to them for that. Unfortunately, my favourite Backstreet Boy Nick Carter has lost some of his boyish looks over the years, but he still looks pretty hot so it ain't that bad. Will probably head down to HMV later to get my copy, you should to.

Responses to my last post have been rather discouraging. So far the only ones who seem seriously interested are men who have transsexual tendencies. Sigh story of my life.


Lyrics of the day:

Gotta a question for you
Better answer now
Am I original
Yeah
Am I the only one
Yeah
Am I sexual
Yeah
Am I everything you need
You better rock your body now

- Backstreet's Back by Backstreet Boys


Yes Nick, you are sexual and everything I need. I missed ya.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

I want a date

Was reading in Digital Life (it's an ultra hip IT newsletter) about bloggers advertising for a potential date on their blogs. Most people would find such people sad and pathetic for resorting to online means to get a date, but not me. To me it's just another avenue to meet people, there ain't nothing wrong with that. So what the hell, I shall give it a go as well.

"Date the Stallion" pre-requisites in order of priority:


  1. You should wear a low cut top and be flattered when I ogle at it.

  2. You have to address me as "Stallion".

  3. You have to say at least one of the following phrases at least once during the date:

    1. "Screw this dinner, I am craving horse meat. NOW."
    2. "I always wanted to ride a horse. Maybe today I will get the chance."
    3. "Can you show me why they call you the Stallion?"


  4. You should appear to be fascinated by my stories about my company's servers, especially my most popular story, about how a server once got so overheated that it almost caught on fire. Alright fine, you should just not yawn or fall asleep on the table as I tell them, that will be sufficient.

  5. You should answer "You" emphatically if I ask you anytime during the date 'who's your daddy'.

  6. You should find it cute if my Tourette's syndrome kicks in and causes my hand to touch any RANDOM part of your body.

  7. You should find it cute if I talk with my mouth full and a piece of meat falls on your arm.

  8. You should find it cute if I meet you drunk as hell (hey you try dealing with alcoholism). Oh and you should also find it cute if I start cursing you in Tamil and then proceed to beat the crap outta ya.

  9. If we go clubbing, you should not move too far away to appreciate my robot dance moves because it would seem like you are pretending not to know me. It would be cool if you try and mimic them as well. Robot couple dances are the coolest, although I never manage to find someone who wanted to do it with me because they always tell me they don't have the confidence to pull it off as well as I do.

  10. You should find it cute if I say "I love you" on our first date, while staring at your boobs.

Well that's about it. 10 simple pre-requisites. Email me if you interested alright. Only serious applicants need apply.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

I am not who I used to be

There comes a time when a man has to decide about what is important in his life. For me that time was 2 weeks ago.

Yes you readers (all 10 of you) probably have noticed that I have not been blogging regularly since I got back from India, and at least one of you might have wondered why. The reason is the near death experience I had there has changed me in ways I never thought I could.

Things that used to be important to me just don't seem to matter anymore. Blogging for example, it seems so pointless now, a complete waste of time. I start wondering why I wasn't doing more constructive things instead. Life is so short, do I really wanna spend writing about how mundane it is to a bunch of people who don't even care?

But that's not all. A lot of other things that I used to enjoy immensely (e.g. midget porn) now bore me to tears. It's kinda scary. I feel so lost now, so out of place in this world, like a freak. I didn't know how to deal with it.

So I did what any self-respecting Indian would do in times of trouble; I turned to alcohol. Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I got high before 6 pm. My friend I was with fell asleep on the table as well from all the alcohol, although she later tried to insist that it was not due to the alcohol but rather my 'boring and predictable' stories of my company's servers. Some people just can't admit that they can't hold their liquor, it's sad. Anyway after the drinking session I felt so much better, it's like all my worries just disappeared. I highly recommend it to anyone who are having problems they just can't handle. Sure all your problems will come back the next day when you sober up but that's why I am gonna go drinking again later today.

So basically I am saying that don't expect any updates here so as I will probably be too drunk most of the time to even bother with this blog. You will probably get like one post every few weeks if you are lucky. And it will probably sound incoherent.

Peace out!