I been jogging 5 times a week for the past month in a desperate (and probably futile) attempt to reduce the tiny paunch that seems to have appeared where my six pack used to be. I been jogging late at night, usually after midnight, it's quieter and less polluted compared to the evenings.
I didn't tell my mom about my jogs for a very good reason...Let's just say she's a tad on the overprotective side. But I knew she would find out one day. And it so happened last Tuesday night she happened to peek out of her room and see me in my jogging gear getting ready to leave the house.
Mommy: Where you going at this hour?
Me : Jogging.
Mommy: So late? No don't go!!! It's dangerous !!!!
Me : Mom don't worry, it's not like I am gonna get sexually assaulted or something.
Mommy: No ! Why don't you go like 6 pm or something? It's too dangerous I tell ya!!
And then she made a desperate lunge at me to try and grab me before I could get out of the door, but I pushed her away and ran out of the house. And I thought that was that. I came back from my run around 1 am, opened the door....and saw Mommy kneeling in front of the altar praying. Again, it was 1 am in the morning. Who the hell prays at 1 am? But I was too tired to ask her and just took my shower and went to bed.
Next morning, my sis smses me to tell me that mom had complained to her that I was going out at unsafe hours and she was so worried that she prayed for my safety till I came back.
Yep that's mom for you, still thinking of her 27 year old son as her little boy. The same woman who used to advise gal friends that I brought home to throw chili powder in my eyes if I ever tried to force them into anything sexual (sexual by her definition includes groping or kissing). She would rather I go blind than display any behavior remotely adult in nature. Now you know why I ogle openly at dates' asses and accidentally grope them. You try dealing with years of sexual repression.
Why I put up with this you ask? Well I am just waiting for her to get her CPF (it's a kind of government savings plan) money that's why. Once she does I am gonna swindle her out of it and then disappear from that hellhole I call home, faster than you can say "sexually repressed". Ha I can't wait for that day, that will be sweet payback for all that mental torture she put me through over the years.
I really love my mom
But she's worse than a nun
Growing up I was a religious naive little boy
Unlike my peers I was ignorant of the existence of self-administered sexual joy
But I then discovered porn, it made my life slightly better
But she found me out, and I will never forget her words - "burn in hell , you disgusting bedwetter!"
Now I am just waiting, waiting for her to get her huge lump of cash.
Once she does I will swindle her of it and then avoid her like a infectious rash.
Yes I know, you probably think I am evil.
But I am just doing this to put things back on terms level.