Monday, February 28, 2005

Men Part 2


from When It Hurts So Bad by Lauryn Hill



I loved real, real hard once
But the love wasn't returned
Found out the man I'd die for
He wasn't even concerned
I tried, and I tried, and I tried
To keep him in my life
I cried, and I cried, and I cried
But I couldn't make it right
But I, I loved the young man
And if you've ever been in love,
Then you'd understand


Been listening to Miseducation of Lauryn Hill for the past few days and it brought back a lot of bad memories. Yep I think it's time I come clean. Believe it or not, the Stallion used to graze on the other side of the fence at one time.

His name was Johnny, and I was completely in love with him. And I thought he felt the same. But one day he told me he had found someone else, some model called Keith. I told him I would forgive him if he came back to me, but he said he didn't love me anymore.

My world fell into pieces at that very moment. I couldn't understand how someone I loved so much could do this to me. I did everything I could for him to make him happy and I never expected anything in return. But I never expected to be betrayed, to be hurt in this way.

It was at that point I decided to swear off men forever. Because that's what men do. They treat you like a car - they use you to get all the mileage that they can get out of you, and then they trade you in for a better looking model. They aren't worth it. But they can't hurt me anymore. Because I won't let them.

Son of A Preacher Man

vociferous kitten said...

"dun be such a self-righteous and self-serving commentator, especially if you weren't around."

Are you finished? Well allow me to retort! FYI I am not being self-righteous, I am just compelled to smite evil whenever I see it. Mommy told me that evil men should be punished, otherwise their bastard sons will inherit the earth.

When that happens, the world will be unsaveable, and the Son of Satan will come up from Hell and take over the world. However I am actually a pretty scrawny guy incapable of smiting anyone in real life, so instead I use my blog as a weapon of God against these men. I use it to shame them and their evil ways, so that they might realise the folly of their ways and repent. Some people might call it cowardice or a lack of balls, I call it fighting evil the best way I can. I shall now leave you with a quote from the Bible:

Ezekiel 25:17 - "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you! Bang!"

But just in case you didn't understand that, I will translate. Meow meow meow meow meow. Meow.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Different but Normal

I took a break from my weekly Sunday lesbian porn marathon to check out my site on technorati, just to see if there were any new links to me. And surprisingly there were quite a few including this one, The Breakup Blog, by a 30 year old guy from UK. I was feeling rather proud of myself that my writings appealed to people outside Singapore, but that feeling dissipated as soon as I moused-over my link on his blog. When I did that, a pop-up window appeared and it said "I like this guy. He makes me feel normal".

I felt anger upon reading that. Then confusion. He was implying I was so abnormal that it made him feel normal. Well you are welcome buster but now I feel like crap no thanks to you! Then I started thinking. What if he was telling the truth? What if I wasn't normal? What if there was something wrong with me? I have had people, sometimes even kids tell me that I sometimes seem a bit psychotic, but I always assumed they were just teasing. But now ...now I am not so sure.

As I was contemplating my normalness, Mommy came in to my room to lay my pajamas on my bed, like she did every Sunday as far back as I can remember. Usually I would ignore her as I would be too engrossed in my porn, but today was different.

Me: Mom.....Am I normal?

Mom froze for a moment, and then she gently placed my pajamas on the bed before turning to me. It was my favorite Mickey Mouse pajamas..

Mom: Oh guess what, I cooked your favorite for dinner today. Corned beef. Come let's have dinner now and we can talk about how you did during yesterday's Dungeons and Dragons game.

Me : Mom ....Answer the question...Please. I need to know.

Mom looked really uncomfortable, just like the time when I asked her where babies came from. That was 2 years ago. She paused for a really long time, and then she spoke.

Mom: Son, "Normal" is just a word created by society so that they can direct their hatred towards people who don't fit their idea of what is socially acceptable. It's a word used to discriminate against people who dare to live their lives differently without conforming to society's moral or ethical standards! Screw them I say.

Me: Mom. Just tell me if I am normal. Yes or No. Tell me before I lose my cool and bitchslap you like what happened that other time. I don't think either of us wants a repeat of that incident.

Mom : Fine. You want the truth, I will give you the truth! You are normal, but different. Yes you can be a self-righteous bastard at times, but you are normal. That's all you gonna get from me. Let us speak of this no longer, I beseech you.

I smiled to myself, thanked her and turned back to my porn. I know the truth now. I AM normal. Normal but different. And for some reason I felt better than I had in years.

Women: Go for IT

Click the title to see an article about a movement to get more young girls to go into the IT industry which is currently overwhelmingly male-dominated. This VP from Microsoft speaks about the myths that some girls have regarding the IT industry, such as it not being very social or the jobs involves being chained to a computer in the office the whole day.

Well yep as an IT professional I can assure you that we do have very active social lives just like the rest of you. Take me for example. I lead a normal social life, work and computers aren't just the only things that I care about.

Once a week my friends and I have our Dungeons and Dragons game at my house, and we also invite women to the game as well (in case you wondering we have some homosexual thingy going on), although none of them have accepted the invitation so far; unfortunately they are never free on Saturday afternoons. Pity because I would love to show a gal my Level 12 Fighter/Mage that is kicking the butts out of the rest of my friends. But yeah I have to wait till they are free I guess. It's really strange how they always wash their hair on a Saturday afternoon though.

But of course that ain't the only thing we do. We also organize frequent visits to the zoo and the bird park. We can never get enough of watching wild animals trapped in artificial enclosures, we really relate to it for some reason.

But before you say boring, let me tell you we also go wild once in a while. Just a couple of weeks ago we had a drinking competition to see who could drink the most. I won by downing 2 Beers and a Coke. My friends were pretty impressed, now I am known in the office as "The Alcoholic".

Oh and the other myth about us staring at our office computers all day, I do not do that! Quite frequently I go to other companies and stare at their computers as well, for example during implementations. It's pretty interesting to see how their machines differ from ours, like how they partition their filesystems for example. Like who in their right mind will allocate so much space to the home directory and leave nothing for installation of software! Crazy!

So yeah I hope you gals out there now see that there is nothing wrong with working in the IT industry, we are just like everyone else.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Music News

The release date of System of a Down's new album Mesmerize has been pushed back to May 17, the original date was March 1st. Grrr now I gotta wait another 2 agonizing months, damm assholes. What, you haven't heard of them? Just the only band I know that came out with 3 near perfect albums. And I am willing to bet my ass that number will be 4 come May.

At least Mars Volta kept to their release date. Their new album, Frances the Mute, is out on the 1st of March. It's 77 minutes long and consists of 5 songs, the longest being 32 minutes long. Yup they are unashamedly prog, but they carry it off amazingly well unlike so many other bands. And if it's half as good as their previous album it will be in the running for my album of this year.

Korn's guitarist has left the band, citing Jesus as the reason for leaving. The guy feels like the way of the Korn is having a bad influence on his daughter and he wants to make music that's not only about aggression. Respect to him I say for doing what he believes in, because he's definitely gonna get a lot of flak for it if he hasn't already.

Oh Fred Durst has his own home sex video on the net now as well. Now we know why he talks so much cock, it's to compensate for his lack of cock.

And someone did a remake of MJ's Thriller video. Using Lego blocks. Some people have a lot of time on their hands.


Listening to : Miseducation of Lauryn Hill by Lauryn Hill

Men! (exasperated)

Sometimes I read and hear about stuff that guys do and I can't help but wonder how those people actually do them. No I ain't talking about feats of heroism or chivalry, rather it is things like being a total perv in front of a girl you just met for the first time.

Yup she met her friend for drinks, and he brought his colleague along as well. And the said colleague was so impressed by FF's cleavage that he whipped out his phone and took pictures of it.

I don't get how anyone can do something like that, i mean what a way to make a good first impression. Or did he, using some warped logic, think that doing that would actually come off as flattering to the gal? But that's not the worst of it. She asked him to delete the pictures but the asshole REFUSED! Isn't there a law against this? To any lawyers or law students reading, is this legal? Don't they have some law to deter perverted acts with the use of handphones or something?

Alright so I am no angel myself, but at least I wait till the chick is sufficiently wasted before I take cleavage pictures and even then I do it discreetly. And if I get caught, I do the gentlemanly thing and apologize for being a perv and delete the pictures.

So ladies, if you ever go out with *NAME REMOVED*, please remember to not show too much cleavage. Unless you like your goods being displayed on sggirls.com or the thought of a guy jerking off to a pic of them on his phone.

p.s I am kidding about me taking pictures of wasted chicks in case you didn't realize it.

p.p.s I removed the sleazeball's name as FF has also removed it.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Computer Engineers go insane

I feel sad everytime I see one of my kind losing it. It reminds me of how fragile my own current state of mind is. But that is the risk we take when we join the IT industry.

Most people don't realise how noble the IT profession is. What other job requires the worker to sacrifice his social/sex life and risk his mental health, just so that your software/hardware works the way it should? So the next time you see a poor IT worker on the street, I hope you at least will be able to recognize the saint behind that geeky exterior. Give him a hug or something, he deserves it.

Click the link to see this sad story. This was taken off Slashdot.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Miss Singapore Universe 2005

I just wanna take this opportunity to congratulate my friend who made it to the Miss Singapore Universe 2005 finals. No this is not some attempt to brag about the fact that I now know a beauty pageant contestant (which isn't something most guys can say), I am just expressing my joy at her success like all good friends do. Yep it's a good feeling when all your encouragement and help has paid off, but I do not wanna take credit for her success, she did put her fair share as well. I remember those nights where I forced her to practice saying "I wish for world peace" for hours, until it sounded convincing. And those nights where I kept adjusting her top tirelessly till she showed just the right amount of cleavage.

But unfortunately things went sour between us recently. I was talking to her last week and I requested that she like mention my blog during the interview as a small token of gratitude. I suggested that for example, when the interviewer asked her what her favourite animal was, she could answer something like "I love horses, speaking of which you should visit http://indianstallion.blogspot.com!". But guess what, she just laughed at me and called me an idiot.

I was taken aback when she said that, I stared at her puzzled, not knowing why she was treating me this way. And then I realized something, the girl standing before me was not my friend. She looked almost exactly like her, but there was one big difference. My friend was full of innocence, this girl had none of it.

I shall not mention the person, but if she is reading this I hope you re-consider and mention me during the pageant, that's all I ask. I already told all my guy friends you will do it, so I will look like an idiot if you don't. If you don't then I'm sorry but I won't friend you anymore.

It's up to you. You have to decide which is more important, the priceless friendship of the stallion or some pageant that might or might not open up huge career opportunities for ya.
But just wanna say something, you women out there who might wanna try out for next year's pageant you know who to ask for help.

I once knew a gal
She was as pure as a flawless pearl
But fame got into her head
And she forgot all my help with her cleavage.
But despite her actions I bear her no ill will
I will always remember her as the little girl I chased around the hills.

The Stallion is no longer a vegetarian

Yep it lasted a whole of one week. I blame the friend who begged me to go with her to KFC over the weekend. All my resolve simply dissipated as I saw the chicken breast in front of me, I began tearing into it like a ravenous caveman. It was not pretty, there were chicken parts flying everywhere, some of it landed on my shirt and hair. My friend lost her appetite after watching me eat, and the kid who was sitting beside us started crying in fear.

Sometimes you just can't change who you are, no matter how hard you try.

Work has been suckier than normal. I hate implementations. That's when you have to go down to the customer and install stuff on their machines. It's boring as hell and serves no benefit to me, I did it a million times before. I got 2 coming up in the next 2 weeks, one in Singapore Polytechnic and the other in NTU. Grrrr. I need a break from everything. From the souless machines. From the constant demands of the customers. From dating chicks with curfews. From this life.

I got a bad case of the blues.
What I am doing here, I haven't got a clue.
I spend my day sacrificing my soul on the corporate altar,
While at night I dream amazing dreams, in them I am a famous writer.
It's funny, when I was in school I couldn't wait to work
But now it isn't what I thought it would be, despite its perks.
I am still unsure of what my future holds.
But I ain't hopeful, I feel like I have already lost my soul.

Friday, February 18, 2005

The Stallion is a vegetarian

Yeah I been on a almost vegetarian diet since Monday, I only had a tuna sandwich on Tuesday for lunch that's it. Alright I had some chicken thingies at carnegies yesterday to wash my beer down but yep those were the only 2 meats I have had all week. The rest of the days I been stuffing myself with self-made vege sandwiches and vegetarian food from the food centre near the office.

Why am I doing this you ask. To tell you the truth, I ain't sure myself. But it's definitely not because of that incident in the train last week when the kid asked his mom whether I was pregnant. And it's definitely not because of the fact that my clothes have started to be a little tight around the waist area. I don't know, I think it could be because of my experience in Bangalore, it forced me to challenge beliefs that I have held to dearly for so long, especially those regarding food. I really can't explain it. I ain't sure how long I will be able to stick to this, but they didn't call me "Tenacious G" in army for nothing.

Oh and I did a good deed today. FF was having trouble getting a "friend" to return her something she had loaned to him out of good will. I had a similar experience last year so I gave her my advice. Hoping it works! Then she will probably be eternally grateful to the stallion for helping her get her beloved phone back, and ask me out to lunch or dinner to thank me, she can do so by messaging me on MSN which she can find on my blogger profile. What, can't a guy dream?

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

IT breeds arrogance

A former schoolmate of mine from the School of Computing (SoC) faculty in NUS (a local university) was complaining about this arrogant twat, also from the same faculty. Apparently this guy IMs her every time he gets a pay rise/a promotion/bonus etc. , otherwise he ignores her.

And that brought back a lot of bad memories from my SoC days. There were so many of those people around when I was studying for my degree. These people were the most irritating people I have met. They would casually ask about your grades for the exams for comparison, and then lament that they are upset that they only got a A- when they should have got an A+. Or they would show off their far superior technical ability, like bragging about how they added extra functionality to their programming assignment to make it more complete, or how they finished it within a day.

But I can't blame those people now I think of it. Those guys' idea of a social life back then, and probably now, was to hang out at Sim Lim Square (a famous local IT mall). Hell even my dog had better social skills than them. But yeah that was then, I don't know if they are still that way now, I would probably think so.

Me? I was just a meek humble student. I didn't brag when I got As for my FYP or for the problem-solving module, which required huge amounts of creative thinking by the way. I didn't brag when my lecturer referred to me as NEO (from the Matrix) of the computing world. I didn't brag when I created a semi-intelligent talking robot out of plastic spoons and an old transistor radio. And I didn't brag about being president of the chess club 2 years in a row. Fine I did brag about the last one to a chick I kinda fancied but surprisingly she wasn't impressed.

Basically the point I am trying to make is don't brag about your achievements, especially if you are in the IT line, it just makes you look sad to chicks.

SoC was full of IT geeks
I was the coolest guy in there, eventhough I was rather meek
Yeah I really hated those assholes who loved to brag
There were a lot of them, it was such a drag.
But the absolute worst thing about SoC that I used to hate
Was that unlike me, almost all those losers got laid.

I'm worried

The intern who is currently working under me text messaged me yesterday to inform me that he has contracted dengue fever and has been warded in a local hospital. And here I was wondering why he kept taking medical leave for the past week. Will be going down shortly to see how he's doing. I asked him if he was out of danger and he told me he wasn't sure, something about his platelet count being very low. Hope he's gonna be ok.

Update : His condition has stabilised. Basically platelets are the stuff in your blood that causes your blood to clot when you bleed. So a low platelet count means that you could bleed to death from a cut or a wound, so he's confined to the bed for the time being, he can't even go to the toilet.

But I'm really glad he's gonna be ok, I was really worried. Sometimes you tend to take people for granted, and you only realise it when something happens to them. He has been doing a lot of my dirty work, stuff that I threw to him because I didn't wanna do it. So if anything happens to him I might have to go back to doing them myself, and that is something I can't even imagine myself doing. So thank you God.

Oh regarding the date with the madame yesterday, the less said the better. I went into her office after training and asked her out. She stared at me for the longest time, and then she flashed a toothy grin and said yes! But my joy was short-lived. I should have known something was wrong when she pushed me forward towards her table and then locked the office door. Now I know what those long wooden sticks that some of the officers hold in their hands are for. This is a Valentine's day I will never forget, for all the wrong reasons.

Monday, February 14, 2005

I got a date for Valentine's day

Yes I do ! Screw you losers who are gonna spend today at home, unlike you people I have a life. If you can't even get one person to go out with you on this special day that comes once every year you might as well go and die!

Alright fine, my "date" is at Bedok Army Camp. Yes I am going to be rubbing shoulders with around 100 other sweaty male bodies as we try to get our bodies combat-fit in case Singapore ever goes to war. Ya I failed my annual physical fitness test so gotta go for this damm Remedial Training 3 times a week. But since I missed 3 lessons during my Bangalore trip, I will be doing it 6 times this week including make-up lessons. A lot of people think it's a waste of time but not me, I am proud to serve my country, even on Valentine's day.

But I might still get a chance to celebrate V day in the traditional sense, there's this middle-aged madam in the camp who has been checking out my sweaty glistening body the last couple of weeks as I train on the track, I can just tell she wants me really bad. I have decided that I shall ask her out if she's around today. Alright so she looks like she's been either pumped with testosterone or was formerly a man, but at least I can say I had a date on V day so that I don't seem like a complete loser like the rest of you all! Wish me luck!

The Machinist

I was waiting for a friend outside the cinema entrance at Orchard Cineleisure yesterday (we were going to watch The Machinist) when I met an acquaintance of mine from work.

Acquaintance : So are you here by yourself?

I looked at her incredulously. What kind of dumbass question was that? As if I would come all the way down to town just to watch a movie by myself. Ya ok I know I am in the IT line but that doesn't mean I don't have a social life! I was gonna say all that in retort but I looked into her big brown eyes and I realized it was the same puzzled look that Boy (my dog) gives me when he knows he's gonna get a spanking but he doesn't know what he did wrong. My heart just melted and I said "No, I am waiting for a friend." Sigh the Stallion is just too soft-hearted sometimes.

Ya about the movie. Christian Bale (the next Batman) lost like 60 pounds (how many kg is that?) for his role by eating an apple and a can of tuna everyday. He plays a heavy machinery operator who hasn't slept for a year, and he starts seeing things and talking to people that might possibly not be there because no one else he knows sees them. Is it a conspiracy or is he losing his mind? The movie was pretty engaging till the end, I found the ending a little bit of a letdown to be honest. But yeah should still check it out if you are into dark and depressing movies.

After the movie, we went shopping at Heeren, the friend was looking for a locket.

Me : What kind of locket you looking for?
Her : A heart, mine broke.
Me : It's ok, you can have mine. (placing my hand over my heart)
Her : *tries to not throw up*

Ya a regular Romeo, I am.

But it ain't all bad. You know you have finally made it when the brownster mentions your penis on his blog. I never been more proud, just wanna thank my parents for procreating, without them there would be no Gargantua and no me. My mom was actually dating this Chinese dude before she married my dad, thank god that didn't work out or I would be calling it Mini(scule) Me.

I might be in the IT line
But for now it suits me just fine
Alright so I went overseas to get myself a wife
But that doesn't mean I ain't got a life
Although I think I should stay away from making corny jokes
The last one almost made a cute gal choke.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

I love my credit card

Yes I do. No more queuing at the cinema for tickets, only to find out that they are all sold out or only the crappy seats are left. Now I just waltz in and have over my card at the counter specially designated for visa ticket bookings and get my tickets immediately. Then I waltz away, but not before giving a smug smile to those people who are still queuing and hoping to get their tickets before they are all sold out.

Speaking of credit cards, why do they have a woman's card but not a men's. Isn't this a blatant form of sex discrimination. Aren't men entitled to equal privileges? Are we any lesser compared to the fairer sex? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you prick us do we not bleed as well? They should have a men's card that maybe offers discounts for computer games and arcades, and maybe places like Hooters and those exotic restaurants where they have those belly dancers.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Old habits die hard

Today was a really tough day for me. Today I was gave up something that meant and still means a lot to me, especially for the past 2 and a half years. There comes a time when you know that you have to put the past behind you regardless of it's sentimental value and embrace the new. But knowing it is one thing, doing it is something altogether different.

Yes I have finally gave up my beloved Haloscan commenting system and embraced Google's/Blogger's in-house version if you haven't noticed. It was a tough decision, but the latest upgrade meant that Blogger's comments also now have the pop-up option, the old one was annoying as you had to click twice to leave a comment. And now it has the added feature of actually notifying you of new comments.

They have also added a way for users to leave a URL and name with a comment. Simply select Other in the pop-up comment box and you will see the respective fields.

I felt a twinge of guilt as I removed the haloscan html code in the blogger template. It just felt cruel to discard it because of a new and better alternative, after all it served me well the past few years. Yes it did have its share of downtime in the first few years as the servers got overloaded, but haven't had one for quite a while now. Anyway thank you Haloscan, it was good while it lasted.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Manhattan sucks balls

A month back I got a call from a gal who offered me the Manhattan card free for 3 years with no strings attached. It sounded like a good deal so I gave her my particulars, photocopied my pay slip and identity card and gave it to her.

I got a letter from them today. This is what it said.

Hi,
We have received your recent application for the Manhattan Card. We are sorry that we can't offer you a Manhattan membership this time.
However,we hope that this isn't goodbye and look forward to hearing from you again.

Cheers,
Manhattan


WTF? You call me and offer me the card, and assure me that I am eligible. And now you give me a generic rejection letter offering no explanation whatsoever. Screw you Manhattanites!

You know what I feel like doing? I feel like taking my DBS credit card and shopping like crazy with it. Then I will go to the Standard Chartered office and saying "Remember me? You wouldn't give me your card last month. Well, BIG mistake. HUGE!" and walk out of there with my head held high, just like a Pretty Woman.

Do NOT try the Chinese New Year pizza from Pizza Hut, it's the worst pizza I ever had.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

A Confession

Thanks to all those who have expressed their heartfelt sympathies regarding Sita. However I have decided to come clean now. You see, I might exaggerated the incident a tad.

Sita did not run away with the goatherd. I made that part up. She actually ran away because of my gigantic penis. Yes you heard it right, the reason for the breakup was Gargantua (which is what I call my penis).

What happened was Sita entered my room to serve me coffee while I was ...err...trying to get rid of the mosquitoes around my groin area. When she saw Gargantua she dropped the coffee mug in shock and ran away crying to her parents. She then told them to inform me that there was no way she would let herself, and I quote, "be impaled by that huge yet amazing dick", and she would rather lose her honor than to marry me and face that thing.

I did try to change her mind but it was trying to make a butter naan without butter. Finally I gave up and decided it was meant to be, and I came back to Singapore.

So there you have it. The truth. I lied because I wanted to spare Sita the embarrassment, but then I realized she had no internet access and probably would never read this so there was really no harm.

No poem today, but I would like to recite the lyrics of my favourite song by Pearl Jam.

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a star
In somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine


From the song Black by Pearl Jam

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Back

The Bangalore airport is the worst I ever been to. Firstly, there is only ONE departure gate for all outgoing international flights. And it's not even a gate, more like a door. Passengers from my flight as well as another flight that was heading to Sri Lanka were all cramped together in front of the gate, it was like one bloody mass orgy.

But that's not the worst part. That honor belongs to the fact that the damned airport was infested with mosquitoes. And I really mean infested, I have not seen this many mosquitoes since army jungle training. My flight was delayed for half an hour so I and my colleagues spent 2 hours in the waiting area feeding blood to the local insectlife. We even had a contest to see who killed the most mosquitoes, I came in second with 2 kills.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity we boarded the plane, and 4 hours later I was back in good old Singapore. I breathed a sigh of relief as I walked out of the airport. It was good to be back. Back to the safe roads. Back to the clean air. Back to my mommy who has been worried sick about me the whole week.

I took a cab home, had a quick bath and laid on the bed, dead tired. But I couldn't go to sleep, something started bothering me. I had this weird feeling that I lost something. I figured that I might have forgotten something back in Bangalore so I got up and went through my luggage. But everything was there. I sat for a few more minutes trying to recall what else I could have lost. Then it hit me.

It was my heart, she still had it with her.

Note to thyself : Bring a mosquito repellent for future trips to Bangalore.

In Bangalore Airport I just sat there and watched,
As a mosquito sucked blood out of my crotch
I didn't do a thing to stop it,
Even when my groin started turning white.
For it didn't really matter how much blood I lost,
Because I was already dead inside.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Interesting stuff about Bangalore

1. Traffic

Jesus I thought Bangkok traffic was bad but that's nothing compared to Bangalore. Almost all the roads have no lane dividers, and you will always hear a vehicle horn every few seconds in the day, I kid you not. I pray to God everytime I try and cross the road, usually I will just follow the local guy as he crosses, I don't even look at the traffic for fear of chickening out.

2. Food

The food is amazing. I had the best papadams in my life at this restaurant, it's like an Indian cracker. It's crispy but the amazing thing is it's soft enough that it crumbles in your mouth, not in your hand. Other dishes (butter naan, chicken tikka) are delicious as well, but my favourite was this butter chicken thing that I had everyday.

3. People

One thing that I didn't expect was the presence of Chinese people here. Apparently there are quite a lot of poeple from the north-east part of India who are part Indian and part Chinese. I thought they were tourists till I heard them talk in the local language.

4. Books
Books are dirt cheap here. I got a couple of IT books on Bluetooth and Unix for around 30 Singapore dollars. Those books would have probably cost around 50 each back in Singapore.

Well that's all I can think of. I didn't really have much time to shop or move around because of my upset stomach and the fact that I was in the office from 8 to 9 almost everyday. But yeah would love to come here again to do more shopping, apparently Levis jeans are much cheaper here.

No, do not ask about Sita. That is a part of my life that I would rather forget. I just found out that she had actually ran off with the village idiot...i mean goatherd. Sigh she chose a goatherd over a handsome affluent indian hunk. Women are hard to understand I tell ya. Screw them, screw them all !!!!!

In Bangalore things are cheap
So you can do a lot of shopping even if your pockets ain't deep
I got at the cheapest price, 2 books
I practically had an orgasm when I saw the prices, that got me weird looks
And yes I am gonna swear off women for a while.
The next one I see I will run the opposite direction for at least a mile!

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Bangalore : Day 4

Bad news people. Sita has disappeared. Apparently she was NOT really looking forward to the our blessed union. That incident where she attacked me with the kitchen knife yesterday was NOT PMS-induced as I had foolishly thought.

I am trying to be brave here, I really thought I met my soulmate. I couldn't stop thinking about her from day to night. I would be in the office impatiently waiting for the end of the day so that I could see her again, to hear her amazing voice again. There was just this thing between us, it's like despite our cultural differences we both knew what the other was thinking and we understood what the other person was about. But once again I seemed to have got it wrong.

I will return on Saturday morning as originally planned.

I thought I met the love of my life
And next month she was to be my wife
But alas she bailed on me, possibly due to a fear of a future unknown
Whatever the reason, once again I find myself all alone