Good news everyone! Yours truly is now engaged to a amazing young woman, her name is Sitaristi and she's the gal I been looking for all my life. How did I meet her you ask? Let me tell you.
I was walking along this dirt track heading towards a village when I saw this beautiful Indian gal sitting outside a hut. I knew immediately that she was the ONE (because she had the same kind of boobs my dream gal had), so I quickly ran up to her and planted a big fat wet one on her pouty lips. The poor gal started sobbing in fear and ran into the house. Moments later her mom and dad came out of the house and informed me that I had insulted their daughter's honor, and that no man will ever marry her now. They offered me the choice to either marry her or die, and after much consideration I chose the former.
The wedding is gonna be two weeks from now at a temple nearby and we are all excited about it. Sita says she is looking forward to pleasing her husband (aka me) for the rest of my life to repay me for saving her honor; well at least that's what my translator says because she doesn't speak English. I mean she's so happy she's been crying incessantly, I felt so touched seeing tears of joy rolling down her cheek. The family has also accepted me as one of their own, as long as I never eat beef again.
I will keep you guys updated on the wedding preparations and don't worry I will post pictures of the wedding as well. I just wanna say that I never been happier in my life, and to those who are still looking for their special someone I would just like to say your Sita is waiting for you out there as well so don't give up hope.
On Sunday I left for Bangalore
Yes I admit now, I went there to look for a whore
But as luck would have it I met my dream gal, my soulmate
Maybe it isn't luck, I believe now it was fate
She's great but a little naive, a lot of things she has not seen,
But there's a lot of time for her, after all she's only eighteen.
She will cook, clean and fulfill my needs and wants
I can't wait till we are married, we are going to have a lot of fun!