Thursday, December 30, 2004

Fav Song of the Year?

Mine has to be Gwen Stefani's What Are You Waiting For? I just love the song to death! Catchy as hell, a bit loony, and just refreshingly different from all the other generic pop songs that are almost always about love. Bleh.

Other songs that have been on continuous repeat on my player this year are:

Blood Brothers' Love Rhymes With Hideous Car Wreck
Britney's Toxic
REM's Man on the Moon (started listening to it again after reading Andy Kaufman's biography - the song is about him)
REM's Everybody Hurts
Franz Ferdinand's Take Me Out
Killswitch Engage's Rose of Sharyn (Amazing lyrics)

So what's yours, let me know. Unless it's The Reason by Hoobastank then forget it. I'm kidding, i'm kidding.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Funerals

Conversation with my mom a couple of days ago :

Mom: Did you know that our church now offers funeral services. You pay 3k, and when you pass away they do all the arrangements for the family. It was not easy for me and your dad when your grandpa died because of the suddenness and our state of mind. At least me and dad can spare you that. We are gonna sign up for it soon.

(Yup death is a regular topic at the dinner table for our family. And it's actually one of the more cheerful ones.)

Me: Sounds great. But in that case do I still need to be around during the funeral since they will take care of everything? Because I would probably be really upset if I was around - maybe I can go to Bintan and mourn there till the funeral is over.

Mom: *looks at me in horror*

Hmm she was muttering something shortly after that exchange, something about going to the lawyer's office and changing the will. Not a good sign.

Another difference between men and women

Yes we all know that men and women are different in many ways. Like how women can be so unbearably annoying while men can't. But one of the biggest differences between us is when it comes to the skill of gift wrapping.

I wonder sometimes if women were born with the skill of gift wrapping, it comes so naturally to them. Me I see gift wrapping as simply a means to keep the identity of the gift secret until the appropriate time. My gift could be wrapped with newspaper for all I care, it wouldn't matter to me. It just doesn't make sense to me to spend so much effort on something that would be torn into shreds in a couple of seconds.

But it ain't the same for women. From my observations, women take their gift wrapping rather seriously, especially for close friends. It's almost as if they consider the gift wrapping as an extension of the gift itself. Yeah I know it sounds crazy but it's true. I do try to put effort when wrapping gifts for my female friends - but it always comes out like crap. I just don't have the talent for it I guess. Hence I always get my sis or another gal friend to wrap the gifts I have bought for other women. And I proceed to watch in awe as I see them wrap the gift meticulously, cutting and scotch-taping with great precision; they will even go to the extend of making a little ribbon or flower-like ornament to stick on top of the gift. Amazing.

So are there any guys who are well-versed in gift wrapping?

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Racist humor



That's the beauty of racist humor. If a white guy wrote that comic strip, it wouldn't be published by any paper. And even if it did, no one with would dare to laugh at it or they risk being labelled a racist. But because it's a black guy who is writing it, it's humorous.

It's amazing how our minds work sometimes.

Bluejacking

I found about this latest fad at slashdot.org a week ago. For the technologically handicapped, bluejacking basically means using your phone's Bluetooth connection to send anonymous messages to someone else.

It's really simple to do - You basically create a new contact in your address book, and place your message in the name field. Then search for any Bluetooth devices in the general vicinity and send the message (contact).

Been having a lot of fun doing it the past few days while commuting. You would be surprised at how many people leave their handphones' Bluetooth connection on. The best targets are people who give their phones names like "Asshole" or "ClitorisGal" - I am serious there are people who do that. Anyway this are some of the messages I sent the last couple of days:

To "Asshole" : Named your phone after yourself eh?
To "T610": Still T610? Upgrade lah!
To "NokiaXXXX": Nokia sucks! Get Ericsson!
To "k700i": Sony Ericcson sucks!

I tell you the look on some of the people's faces when they see the message is priceless. K you might say that it's childish and a little sad that a 26 year old man finds joy in annoying other people. You would be right, but it's so much fun so screw you.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Indian Stallion : Indian TV Star

K my humiliation is complete. It was on the local TV Tamil news a couple of minutes ago. I can't believe they ran the bit with me in it. The interviewer commented that I spoke Tamil like a white guy.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to my faithful readers out there. Especially to my young (but old enough to be legal) single female readers!

I always wondered who was the first person to shorten the word "Christmas" to "Xmas". And what was he thinking while he did it? My guess would be it would possibly be some big shot from the catholic church shortly after Jesus went back to heaven. Here is probably what happened :

Catholic Council Member 1 : We have a problem. People are complaining that the word "Christmas" is too long. It costs too much to put it on banners and Christmas cards. We need a solution. And fast. Otherwise our plans to make Christmas the most commercially profitable religious holiday will be damned to hell.

Catholic Council Member 2: Hey how about substituting "Christ" with the letter X to make it Xmas? Yeah I know Christ was crucified on the cross, died for us yada yada .....but he's already in heaven so I don't think he would make a big deal about it. Besides it's kinda cool having an initial as a name. We could say stuff like "Our savior was X. And that's why we have Xmas!". Kids would dig it no?

And that's how the word "Xmas" was invented.

A little too honest perhaps?

Saw this on the website of a local model:

Eating:
Nothing
Drinking:
Nothing

Alright so we all have heard rumors about how some models do go to extremes to keep their figure, but respect to her for being brave enough to admit it in public.

Click title to go to said website.

Friday, December 24, 2004

A Real Xmas story: Part 2

Congrats to C who got it spot on. The white letter was actually a red herring by yours truly, as was the creepy Santa statue on the right. My dad had mistakenly mixed up the 3 parts of the tree - apparently the middle part is at the bottom, the top is in the middle and the bottom is at the top, thus resulting in that hourglass shape.

Of course the middle part didn't fit into the base stand with the legs, that was probably done by the manufacturers as a failsafe to prevent the wrong part from being inserted first. But they did not count on the resilience and stubborn-headedness of a former army regular. My dad, with the help of a drill and screws and loads of scotch tape, manage to fit the middle part into the stand. Ditto for the other 2 parts.

Of course when I saw it I realised what had happened. So I decided to take it apart and re-assemble it again. But soon I realised that would be a really difficult task due to the screws and scotch tape. So we left it that way and after the festivities we will have no choice but to dispose of it.

And it keeps getting better. My sister just informed me that a TV crew from the local Indian TV channel has requested to visit our house tommorow morning at 11. And she said YES. I thought she was making a real corny joke but apparently she's not. I hope they don't ask me anything because I can't speak Tamil to save my life. Maybe I will pretend to be mute. Or comatose. And I REALLY hope they do not take a picture of the tree. If there is a God then please make sure that doesn't happen. I promise to stop watching porno for a week if you do.

p.s Fine fine you got me, I am not that clever - the letter and the santa were not planted.

A Real Xmas story: Part 1

I have always been the one to set up the family xmas tree every December. But since I was deliriously sick for the whole of last week, my dad decided to take over the task instead. I told him to call me if he needed any help and then proceeded to drop into my bed.

Later that day I heard a lot of banging, drilling and scotch-taping going on in the hall. I wasn't too sure why that was needed for setting up the tree but was too sick to care - I decided that he was probably done with the tree and was hanging up some other decorations. When I woke up in the evening, the tree has been set up. Here is a picture of the tree:



Try and figure out what is wrong with that picture. I shall reveal the answer in part 2 of "A Real Xmas Story" later today.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

How often should a couple meet?

This entry is inspired by Xiaxue's post. She was blogging about this guy she dated for a while, he would only meet her once a week. And she compare that to this gal whose blog she read, she was mentioning how her boyfriend met her everyday for the last 7 years.

So what do I think? Well to me it's pretty simple. It depends on how far apart the two of them live doesn't it? Speaking hypothetically (because I am single), if my girlfriend lived around the east side then yeah I would probably meet her everyday....K maybe not everyday but almost.

But no way in hell I would do the same if she stayed somewhere like Jurong. I mean Jesus it takes an hour and a 1/2 to reach that area from where I live. Like hello that's 3 hours in total a day traveling to and fro. That's 90 hours worth of time a month that I could better utilize by watching porn or some other recreational activity. I would probably meet her like once a week in that case.

A real life example: I once dated this girl and things were going really well...until I found out she lived at Bukit Batok. Immediately I told her it wasn't going to work because I don't believe in long distance relationships. Sigh that's fate for you - we were really compatible in every other way. But I think most people would agree with me long distance relationships rarely work out. I am pretty sure I did the right thing. Yup I did. I am sure.

Why are dogs cuter than men?

Sometimes I wonder how the Lord works. Every Xmas my sister invites her hot friends over. And they would go completely gaga over my dog, especially Boy (he's the white fellow in my blog profile picture). They will go on about how cute he is, hug him and shower him with kisses. And Boy loves the attention - he will whine and whimper when they put him down. That manipulative asshole.

First let me make it clear that it's not like I am jealous, it's silly to be jealous over a dog. But it sucks when I'm probably just as cute but I don't get the same treatment or at least close to it. In fact most of the time they either ignore me or cast disapproving glances in my direction while whispering among themselves. Especially when they catch me admiring (they would call it ogling) them. And when I try the whimpering trick Boy employs, they look at me like I'm crazy. I guess it doesn't work when guys do it.

But anyway my point is God kinda screwed up there. If he had made men look as cute to women as he did dogs, then we would be practically irresistible. And then we didn't need to try so goddamn hard to impress them.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Really short person?

I was talking to my colleague about a staff who works in our company. This particular person was a little...well ok actually a lot on the short side. I didn't know her name.

Me: You know that really short gal that works in XXXX department? *indicating her height with my hand."
Colleague: Hey! That's mean of you to call her that.
Me: What ? Would you rather if I call her a midget then? Or "physically stunted person" ? Or how about growth-resistant?

Seriously I thought "really short" was already pretty nice. Is there a nicer way to put it?

Dilbert again



Gotta love Dilbert. I can almost always relate to the situations in them. Especially this one. God there are times when I have to dig my nails into the table just to stop myself from strangling the customer sitting opposite me.

Click the title to see the full sized strip if you have trouble viewing the words.

Monday, December 20, 2004

Ewido security suite

Highly recommend you download the ewido security suite. It scans your PC for "Trojans, Worms, Dialers, Hijackers, Spyware and Keyloggers" that might be missed by your antivirus software. I gave it a try and actually found a bloody trojan horse in my windows folder - it somehow managed to go through my firewall and was undetected by my norton antivirus.

It provides continuous protection for 14 days, after which you have to scan your PC manually which you can do like once a week. Click the title to download it.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Bad Sex

The winner of the annual literary British prize for bad sex in fiction really deserved it in my opinion. Some of the prize-winning phrases :

"Slither slither slither slither went the tongue"

Notice the use of repeated words to emphasise the ..err..slithering of the tongue and to reinforce in the reader's mind the imagery of it being a snake.

"...since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns -- oh God, it was not just at the border where the flesh of the breast joins the pectoral sheath of the chest "

What woman can help but quiver when a guy describes her pectoral sheath and her otorhinolaryngological caverns.

Another author writes :

"The smell of his armpits was on her shoulders -- a flower depositing pollen on a hummingbird's forehead."

Comparing armpit scent to pollen, you can't get more romantic than that.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Why Ryan why!!

Damm you Ryan. Why did you have to knock up Theresa?? You had it all - a loving family, a cool brother and an adoring and hot girlfriend despite her peculiar fashion sense. But no that wasn't enough for you was it? You had to bone your ex-girlfriend in a cheap motel. And now she's pregnant.

I hate you Ryan. Everytime I saw you it was like I was looking at a mirror. But I can't say that anymore. I mean even if I knocked someone up, I wouldn't leave everything I had to go back to the crappy town that I came from, just to help the knocked woman raise the kid. Yes you might think you were just being responsible, that you were doing the right thing, but the right and responsible thing to do would have been to wear a rubber before you screwed her wouldn't it? Once you have gone down the path of irresponsibility you should have stayed on it, you stupid idiot.

I don't know what's gonna happen in the next season of OC. But whatever happens you no longer mean as much to me anymore. I will turn my affections to Seth instead, he is far more deserving of them. You can go to hell as far as I care, you don't exist anymore in my mind.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Tis' the season for giving

It's that time again. I have slightly over a week to get Xmas presents for everyone I care about. Which equates to everyone who is getting gifts for me because they care about me.

I wish everyone would follow my system of gift-buying. Basically I ask the person 2 or 3 things that they would like for Christmas and get one of them. In this way they get something that they want - but there's still an element of surprise. Pretty ingenious no? Of course be sure to mention a budget if you have one, otherwise something like this might happen.

And it beats buying a present for someone you like and then finding out months later that that she gave it away to her boyfriend because she doesn't want it. Sigh people are so cruel sometimes.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

10 Songs

1. Open up the music player on your computer.
2. Set it to play your entire music collection.
3. Hit the “shuffle” command.
4. Tell us the title of the next ten songs that show up (with their musicians), no matter how embarrassing. That’s right, no skipping that Carpenters tune that will totally destroy your hip credibility. It’s time for total musical honesty.
5. Write it up in your blog or journal and link back to at least a couple of the other sites where you saw this.
6. If you get the same artist twice, you may skip the second (or third, or etc.) occurances. You don’t have to, but since randomness could mean you end up with a list of ten song with five artists, you can if you’d like.


001. Rage Against the Machine - Bullet in the Head
002. Foo Fighters - Enough Space
003. Fugees - No Woman, No Cry
004. Ocean Colour Scene - Get Blown Away
005. Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse of the Heart
006. Tenacious D - Kyle took a bullet for me
007. Doves - Friday's dust
008. Killswitch Engage - When Darkness Falls
009. Pinback - Trainer
010. The Doors - Riders On The Storm

via Shaky Kaiser

Thank God there ain't any embarassing songs on that list.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Sense and sensibility

A word of advice to the women out there. Don't ever let your man tape you while both of you are engaging in any sort of sexual activity.

It seems like common sense. But time and time again I read accounts of how the enraged ex-boyfriend mass distributes videos or pictures of his ex-lover after being dumped.

Read of one such account yesterday on another blog. This girl studying in a college in India was taped by her boyfriend with his handphone while she gave him a blowjob. The girl broke up with him a couple weeks later, and the jilted lover decided to teach her a lesson by distributing the video to his friends. Of course the video started spreading like wildfire and the two of them ended up getting expelled. Apparently fellatio on campus property is a big no-no.

There was a similar case in Singapore a couple years back as well. An NUS student had sex videos of her sent to her fellow classmates and lecturers by her ex-boyfriend. She had given the password to her NUS email to him while they were together. Talk about trusting someone and getting screwed in public for it.

Of course I do understand the appeal of making your own porn video. So to the women out there, even if you want to do something like that, make sure you keep the clips and not him.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Singapore Cane

I happened to chance upon this ECW wrestling match while channel surfing yesterday. Normally I would chuckle at two big sweaty men groping each other and immediately switch channels, but this time something stopped me. I heard the commentator referring to this wooden rod that one of the men was using to prod the other's genitals as a "Singapore Cane".

Immediately I was intrigued. I have been in Singapore since I was conceived but not once have I heard of this "Singapore Cane". I focused hard on the long hard wooden rod as it was being hammered repeatedly onto the guy's crotch - there didn't seem to be anything Singaporean about it. So I decided to do an internet search on "Singapore Cane".

And this is what I found:

"In 1994, an 18-year-old U.S. citizen named Michael Fey (who had been in Singapore for five years) sprayed some graffiti on buildings, egged some cars, and was found with stolen items. He was arrested and sentenced to four months in prison, two thousand dollars in fines, and six lashes with a rattan cane. So, ECW picked up on it for their feud with The Sandman and Tommy Cairo, and instead of calling the bundle of wood a kendo stick (as it had been called in wrestling for years), they called it a Singapore Cane. The name stuck."

- From Pro Wrestling Insider

Not sure how reliable the information is because some of the facts mentioned above are wrong - the guy's name was Michael Fay and he spray painted the cars rather than just egg them.

But I think it's kind of cool to have our country's name associated with a weapon that dispenses swift justice with maximum pain in minimal time, with optional bleeding. But wouldn't a much cooler name be "The Fay Cane"? You know because fay (fairy) has a gay connotation and so it would be like the worst humiliation in wrestling to be spanked with one.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Down with the sickness

Been down with the sickness, specifically the flu, for the entire weekend thanks to the constant air-conditioning in the hotel the past week. Add to that I went to watch 2 movies in a row with a friend on Friday night (can't even remember the last time I did that - probably like never) in a freezing cold cinema. The first was National Treasure which I absolutely hated, probably because I was already pretty delirious at that point and all those action sequences weren't making it any better. But then again probably not, the plot was ridiculous and far fetched way too often in the movie - lump this into the "brainless action movie" category. Friend I went with loved it though.

Second movie we went to see after that was shortly after midnight and it was Shutter. Yup the Thai horror movie that I watched a month back. I don't know why but I just can't say no when a girl asks me to go watch a horror movie at midnight. It wasn't a waste of money, I did notice some scenes in the movie that I missed the first time around, like clues in the opening credits for example. And some scenes still made me jump in my seat. Alas friend covered her eyes during the scary bits instead of grabbing on to me as I had hoped. But catch it if you haven't, it's probably the best horror movie I seen in a long time.

By the way to anyone looking for an XMAS present for me, the new Blood Brothers' CD Crimes would be a good place to start.

Friendships revisited

For God's sake, I wasn't serious. So to those who asked me if I was really upset (3 people so far), I really do appreciate the concern but the answer is NO. Please do not take everything i blog seriously.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Dying of Boredom

Thank god it's the last day. Been doing duty in this conference at Marina Mandarin Hotel for the last 3 days, it was boring as hell I tell ya. There was this cute girl manning the HP booth beside ours but god she was like totally stuck up! Talked to her the first day but she was rather unresponsive. The next 2 days she refused to even smile when I walk past. Oh well she's probably a lesbian.

The conference itself was a huge bore and a total flop. The amount of attendees was pathetic, and considering the amount of effort we put it really seems like a waste of money. Oh well.

Went out with this gal whom I gotta know recently for dinner and waffles a couple of days ago. It didn't go very well. Ok I know I am no Tom Selleck, but come on it's not like I am Quasimodo right? She barely looked at me the whole evening, which is more awkward than it sounds considering I was sitting directly opposite her. Ya I know what you must be wondering, I am wonderinge as well how unlucky I must be to have met 2 lesbians in a week.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Jamie Cullum annoys me.

This guy tries to hide his lack of talent by covering other artists' songs. So far I have heard two really bad covers of "High and Dry" and "The Wind Cries Mary" from him. Hey Jamie, here is an idea, how about actually showcasing your own material rather than relying on proven hits to sell yourself? Well at least one good thing came out of it - it got me digging out my "Bends" CD to listen to the original version of High and Dry.

Speaking of music, this year has been a rather disappointing for me in terms of good music. I would say I have only heard one album that I would consider essential listening this year - The End of Heartache by Killswitch Engage. But I did finally realize the brillance of System of a Down, bought their Toxicity album 3 years ago but never really got into it till I listened to it again 6 months ago. They are officially on my "bands to catch live before I die" list now.

So what is the song High and Dry about anyway you ask? Ok you probably didn't ask but I will tell ya.

Two jumps in a week
I bet you think that's pretty clever don't you boy.
Flying on your motorcycle.
Watching all the ground beneath you drop.
You'd kill yourself for recognition.
Kill yourself to never ever stop.
You broke another mirror.
You're turning into something you are not.

High and Dry from the album "The Bends"


To me it's about not changing yourself (and trying to be something you are not) to please others. Go check the album out if you haven't already, it's a classic.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Weblog Awards

So it's the annual weblog awards again, where the stars of the blogging world get honoured for their writing efforts the past year. I wasn't nominated which kinda sucks because I am way better than some of the crap that was nominated. But I shall not be bitter, I am honoured just to be considered.

Anyway I would just like to highlight my 3 favourite blogs of the year :

1. Dianarchy
2. WebMiztris
3. Something Awful

Was writing out this whole mini review thing for each blog but it kinda sucked so I took it out. Go check them out alright if you haven't done so already. The common factor in all 3 blogs are that they are funny as hell.

Friday, December 03, 2004

DBS phishing site

OK this is freaky. There is a phishing website that emulates DBS online banking website. The following is from the official DBS website :

"Please be advised that there is a phishing site called www.dbsonlineservice.com attempting to illegally obtain sensitive information from you by pretending to represent DBS Bank.

Please do NOT, under any circumstances, visit the phishing website, as it is likely to contain a virus."


I checked out the fake site and it did look authentic enough to possibly fool anyone who isn't IT-savvy. My question here is why isn't DBS doing anything about it? The least they could do is to get the local ISPs to block the IP address/URL so that no one locally can access it. If the local ISPs can block the Playboy website (I tried it out reluctantly earlier for the sake of proving my point) then they should have no problem banning that site.

I wonder how they will handle complaints from their customers who get fooled by the phishing site in the future; will they compensate them if their accounts get compromised? Or will they just say something like "I'm sorry but we had a disclaimer on our official website so it's your fault that you didn't read it." ?

Singapore Idol contestants lip-synching?

K I can't verify this but saw this on Sara's blog. Is this true? Because that would be hilarious - the SG contestants lip-synching on a singing talent contest. Only in Singapore, people.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Friendships

You know sometimes you think you know who your friends are. And then you realise that they are completely different from what you expected, that they weren't as amazing as you thought initially. Unfortunately pretty often you only realise this in times of great need.

Right anyway let me explain why I brought this up. I rarely bring up personal stuff on this blog, but this has affected me to such a degree that I just need to write about it.

Today was my last day of my first ever reservist training. For the last month prior to the training I been telling a lot of gal friends about how it was my first one and that I was a little nervous about it. I dropped major hints about how much it would mean to me if someone actually "surprised" me at the gate on the day that I booked out. I even gave them the location of the camp and the time I was booking out as well. I didn't want them to spend too much effort on me you see.

But when I booked out earlier this evening, there was no one. I figured they were probably late, so I hung around the camp entrance for an hour. And an hour after that. After which it finally dawned on me that no one was coming. I never felt more alone my whole life than at that very moment.

I must have told at least 10 gal friends about it. Yet not even one of them turned up. I am seriously re-considering our friendships in light of today. It was a really tough 4 days, I barely made it through alive. It would have meant so much to me to have a nice soft shoulder to cry on. So to those of you who I told but didn't bother to turn up - I don't know if we are still friends anymore.