How Transformers 2 was created (Spoilers ahead)

Starring: Michael Bay (MB), Scriptwriter 1 (SW1), Scriptwriter 2 (SW2)

MB: Alright guys Transformers make us a shitload of money. I wanna get the sequel out asap so that we can make a bigger shitload of money. Ideas! Now!

SW1: How about a plot where there is this all powerful cube that will destroy the earth if it falls into the hands of the decepticons, and it's up to the autobots to stop them?

MB: That was the plot of Transformers 1...

SW2: How about if we change the doomsday device from a cube to a pyramid?

MB: Are you insulting our audience's intelligence ? Do you think they are so stupid they won't realize it's the same movie?

SW1: Ok ok wait...How about we put the device INTO a pyramid?

MB: Great , now you are thinking! What else?

SW2: We will add a bigger badder Decepticon as well?

MB: Yes yes! Now we got ourselves a movie. K and of course with the increased budget I am gonna have triple the explosions. Damn if only they gave out oscars for most explosions in a movie!

SW1: Yeah they should. You would so win it. Or the least they could do is give you a kickass nickname , like Michael "Exploder" Bay.

MB: K enough ass kissing. How about humor? I wanna show those critics that I can tackle other genres as well. Give me some ideas.

SW1: How about if we make the robots fart?

MB: Oh god that's hilarious! More more..

SW2: Robot testicles.

MB: Ha yes yes. Cos robots don't usually have testicles!! So it's funny if you see one on screen!! Jesus you guys are amazing! Keep it coming!!

SW1: Errmmmm ....How about getting some of the robots to speak like black people. Cos you know , black lingo is always funny. Especially if you have robots speaking it.

SW2: Yea and let's add an old robot with a metal beard and a walking cane. Cos then it's like saying they age like us , that's funny too!

SW1: And let's have a mini robot humping Megan's leg. Oh god yes, this will be the role she will be remembered for 5 years from now.

MB: Superb! K last thing , I want more hot girls. I think that was lacking in the first movie.

SW1: Oh oh let's get Shia to enroll in a dorm where all the students are models! And then get one of those model students to be actually a robot in disguise to seduce him so that ...err.. we will figure that out later.

MB: Alright Guys, I think we got another hit on our hands. And I already got the idea for Transformers 3.

Burger King and Coffee Bean contemplating supporting Hamas

This just in. Burger King and Coffee Bean, after hearing that their fierce competitors Starbucks and McDonalds are donating to the Israeli war effort in the Gaza conflict, are planning to donate free burgers and coffee to Hamas troops.

No news on whether Subway and Coffee Club will be making similar donations.

Song of the year: Ding Dong Song (You Touch my TraLaLa)

I am completely hooked on this song despite all its detractors. The problem is they all think it's a song about sex. But they are wrong. Gunther actually writes one of the most heartfelt and vulnerable songs I have ever had the pleasure to listen to. Let's break down the lyrics.

oh, you touch my tralala,
mmm... my ding ding dong.

I think it's obvious they mean "heart" and "soul" respectively. Gunther starts off the song by yearning for someone to touch him emotionally to make him feel alive.

Deep in the night,
i'm looking for some fun,
deep in the night,
i'm looking for some love.

Gunther here first seems like he's just another player looking to score some booty, but then the 2nd line reveals the truth - it's just a facade, he is actually looking to be loved.

Also the video shows very obvious clues to his heartbreak. He's in the video with a whole bevy of scantily-clad chicks, but not once does he approach them. In fact he actually usually stands far away from them. The final scene is the most revealing. As the girls pop open his champagne bottle, he flinches and draws back, unwilling to partake in the celebration as he realizes that an orgy is not going to solve his loneliness.

Video (Possibly NSFW):

Best and Worst of Everything: 2008

Best Movie: The Dark Knight (so good that I just ordered the DVD)
Runner-Up : The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (cos it made me cry my eyes out)

Best Movie with the worst rating on RottenTomatoes: Get Smart

Best Album: Third by Portishead
Runner-Up : Fleet Foxes by Fleet Foxes

Best Restaurant: Bistro One Zero Three (really value for money, try the lamb)

Best TV Series: Dexter (black comedy series about a cop who is a part-time serial killer)

Best New Acquaintance (cos Best New Friend sounds cheesy): Foul-mouthed but very cool Jo-ann

Best Birthday Present: My Maestro Guitar

Best Personal Achievement: 10 km Standard Chartered Run
Runner-up: Learning how to play My Heart Will Go On on my guitar.

Best Website: Facebook.
Runner-Up: Google Reader

Best Book: The Reluctant Fundamentalist

Best New Improvements in how I do things:
1. Buying all my albums from Amazon MP3 Store instead of CDs.
2. Using Picasa to upload photos to Facebook quickly.
3. Using the software "Everything" to search for files.

Best New Things I can do with my Phone:

1. Using Google Maps on my phone to find fastest routes (for taxis) and places.
2. Using Shozu to upload my camera photos instantly to Facebook, Yahoo Mail etc.
3. Ebuddy which that connects to MSN, Google Talk and Facebook when I am on the move.
4. Using SBS mobile IRIS site to tell me when the next bus is coming so that I can take a cab if it's too long or so that I can leave my house just as the bus is coming.
5. Using SEVEN which lets me sync my mail, contacts and calendar with my phone. Supports Outlook (if you have web access) and Gmail. Amazing app, can't believe it's free.

Best Sites that I tried to intro to my friends but they don't get the point.
1. Google Reader (except you Jo-ann)
2. Google Calendar
3. FriendFeed (it only works if your friends are on it :( )

Best Experiences
1. Watching Bjork in Perth. I had tears during Bachelorette.
2. Watching Rage Against the Machine in Perth

Best Cinema: The Cathay (but they need to have credit card discounts for online bookings!)

K now the worst..

Worst Cinema: GV Cinemas ever since they started showing 25 minutes of ads before the movies. Why don't you show them before the screening time instead of punishing people who are punctual?

Worst Restaurant: Cappadocia Cafe Restaurant (A traumatizing experience.)

Worst Movie: Man I can't remember any that was really bad, maybe the RocknRolla movie that failed to live to the hype.

Worst Album: Fortress by Protest the Hero. Again I don't get the hype. It's like 40 minutes of guitar wankery.
Runner-up: Ire Works by The Dillinger Escape Plan. Such a disappointment.

That's it. Share yours?

Golden Village Customer Service did a Sarah Palin on me

What's a Sarah Palin you might ask. That's when you completely disregard the question that is asked to you and say something completely unrelated.

Basically I been really irritated by Golden Village's practice of showing ads/trailers for 20+ minutes before the movie. So I sent them a mail:

I would like just to complain about GV’s use of excessive ads before showing the actual movies. They average around 20-25 minutes after the actual showtime, at least for the last 5 or 6 movies I gone to. I think this is ridiculous, considering that Cathay pretty much shows their movies on time or at least within 5 minutes. And both organizations basically charge the same rates.

If you really want to show ads for that long, show it before the actual show time instead of punishing people who actually arrive for the movie on time.

I would be surprised if I am the first person to bring this up.

Is this trend going to continue? If so I for one will definitely start going to Cathay.

K la on hindsight the last sentence a bit childish I will admit, but I was pissed ok. Got the reply after a day. See if you can spot the "Palin" comment.

Thank you for notifying us of your complaint. We strive to provide you with the best possible service, and when you feel that it fails to meet your expectations, it’s important for us to know.

We’re sorry that you received service that prompted you to contact us with a complaint, and we regret any inconvenience or frustration that your experience has caused you. We’ve notified the proper department of your complain.The trailers and advertisement for that day was 20 mins and the management are looking into it.

Your patronage is important to us, and we hope that you’ll continue to give us opportunities to serve you. Thank you again for bringing these matters to our attention.

K so I cheated and highlighted the text. But seriously, THAT DAY? I didn't even mention a specific movie or day!! My guess is so many people have emailed them and complained that she just used a stock reply to reply to me.

But seriously, am I really the only one who is so irritated by the stupid ads? It's gotten to me so much that now I actually have the urge to run down those people in that "Look Out for me" ad.

I turned 30 last Saturday

Yes , no longer can I try and entice young university girls to meet me by saying "I am in my 20s too". The big 30. The age when a young man becomes a man.

But I realized that ever since I turned 30, my outlook on life has changed. Things that my immature 20-something self used to do now seem so childish and immature now. An example, my sister's mother-in-law tried to introduce to this girl who she is working with , but I kept on refusing. But just this week, I finally relented and agreed to ask her out on a date. And it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I finally met her by chance at my niece's party and she was HOT. Rather it was my new found maturity , the realization that I should not be so judgmental and be open to new experiences. She has not returned my calls or smses though.

I also signed up for the gym at my office , had a very interesting experience a few weeks ago, but I will blog more about it in another post.

Rather the whole point of this blog post was because Su insisted that I write something nice about her for arranging my birthday party. Although my requests for my party were rather minimal - I just asked for tons of hot chicks to be there, which she admirably achieved. So for Su, here it is:

The Su Song.

Yo Master G is back!

Yeah got that! Ok , here we go!

Yeah you heard right , Master G is back
Lethal as ever, just like a mild heart attack
So today is a song about a girl I know
A girl so hot that she makes my words just flow

Su is a girl I known for quite a while
I liked her the first time I met her, despite her pretty dubious sense of style
Yeah she would complain when I wore my cool checkered red shirt out on our first few dates.
We moved into the friend zone very soon after that, sometimes I guess it's just fate.

So yeah this girl threw me a party a month ago, a Saturday.
Loads of chicks were there too, I am a ladies man, what can I say.
Dinner didn't start off too well, food took 2 hours to arrive
Hungry I was, and when Man U went behind I started to cry

But then she presented me with my present
Hugo Boss cologne, it is really an amazing scent
But then out of the blue, a second one appeared
A really expensive Maestro guitar, I said I don't deserve this my dear.

But of course I was lying, I SO deserve that guitar
For being a good friend to her, probably her best by far
But unfortunately social norms teach us to be modest
So graciously I thanked her, she looked like she was about to burst into tears.

But alright I have to cut her some slack
A great friend she's been , she's almost always got my back.
And man does she have a nice rack!
But in all seriousness, thanks for everything my dear.
Just wanna let you know that I appreciate it and I will always guard your rear.

Why do I keep doing this to myself...

Yes, that is the question I been asking myself since last Friday. I keep making the same mistakes despite getting punished for it again and again.

Of course, it involves a woman. It always does. Let's call her R. R is someone who I met not too long ago, and over the last few months I grown to trust her. But then last Friday, that trust that I took so long to develop was shattered in an instant.

We were supposed to catch a movie. She suggested going to a Chinese dessert place at Bugis, this really popular one. We got there and it took us around 5 minutes to get a seat.

So we sat and were deciding what to order. I told her about my love of ah-boling. How when I was working at Chinatown I would order like extra ah-bolings for my dessert. How I missed them terribly and would give anything to taste them one more time. But then R checked the menu and said there were no ah-bolings. I was a bit puzzled since this was a Chinese dessert place so it was strange for them not to have it, but I TRUSTED her so I ordered something else - Papaya in milk. I was feeling adventurous.

I was supposed to order while she holds our table, but my legs were tired from all the walking (we walked from Plaza Sing) so I kinda whined until she agreed to go. It was a long queue, and she came back 15 minutes later. I noticed a glint in her eye, a evil glint, but I figured I was just fatigued due to my tired legs so I didn't bring it up.

So our desserts came after 5 minutes. I looked at what she ordered and I almost screamed. Yes, she ordered black sesame with AH BOLINGS. The same ah bolings that she said were not available. The same ah bolings that I said I loved and missed terribly.

I was speechless for like a few minutes. There had to be some mistake, at least that's what my heart told me. But my mind knew the truth. But I needed to hear it from her. So I asked her how come she had ah bolings in her dessert. She said that the waitress at the order counter asked her if she wanted it as she was paying for her desserts. I asked her why she didn't add ah bolings to mine. She said it all happened too fast, that she didn't have time to get it for me as well before the cashier registered the purchase.

She said she was sorry, and offered me one of her ah bolings. It was more like a pity boling. I didn't want it but she insisted, and I didn't want to make a scene so I reluctantly accepted. The bo ling melted in my mouth like a rabbit's testicle, yes it was that juicy. And I realized why she offered me the boling. It was to torture me , she knew that now I had to watch her eat her bolings, in agony. While eating my crappy payaya in milk dessert. Who the hell mixes papaya with hot milk!!!?

And that is exactly what she did. She ate her two remaining bolings, after which she let out an evil sounding laugh , a laugh that expressed her delight at my obvious misery.

That was last Friday. Yet I still cannot get the incident out of my mind. How do you get past something like that? How can I ever trust someone ever again?