Monday, March 07, 2016

Not cut out for charity

Conversation I had a week ago.


Friend: Hi, I am helping out in this charity where they are cooking food and delivering them to the underprivileged. Would you like to help out ?

Me: Sure , why not, sounds like a good cause.  When and where?

Friend: The date is still to be confirmed but you will have to report at around 5 am.  I will let you know soon.

Me: 5 am??  Why poor people eat so early?? 


Yes, I know, I know, I am going to hell.  I don’t think I will hear back from her.  

Monday, February 22, 2016

Hi everyone,

 I've decided to do something that will end my life. I have been thinking about it for a while now as I know it has to be done. Yes, I am committing suicide. I know you may have questions for me and I will answer them real soon, just send them real fast because it will be hard for me to answer once I am dead. Meanwhile, be happy for me, cos my life sucks so I can’t wait for the sweet relief of death.

K just kidding of course. I just wanted to use my reach to let you guys, the people I care about most, know how important it is to get insurance. The nice thing about NTUC insurance is that if you ever contemplate committing suicide in the future, rest assured that they will still payout your death benefit , as long as it is after 1 year from the date of signing the policy!*# So please sign up with them now so that you can have the peace of mind that even if you jump off a building one year from now, your loved ones will be fully taken care of. Use my promo code SUICIDENOTSOSUCKYWITHNTUC and get 10% off now!

*#Terms and conditions apply.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

People keep wondering why I don't keep my Note 2 in my pocket. It's kinda obvious, I only got room for 1 over-sized thing in my pants.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Grateful Challenge Day 6

So I decided to continue this because honestly can we ever stop being grateful for what we have?

Gratitude No. 1

I am grateful for the recent leaked celebrities pictures scandal (aka The Fappening) and the recent gmail password hack. These events have served to remind me of the need to always keep my password secure. Even my favourite person in the whole world (after Jesus) Kate Upton was not spared. I reached out to her through email and told her that I felt her pain and was there for her if she ever wanted to talk, and I am sure she looks great in those pictures which I didn’t view because of my respect for her. Alas she did not reply. I like almost everyone else, has numerous compromising photos of myself on iCloud which I always thought were completely secure and private. I also learned that myb1gsta11ionpen1s is not a secure password.

Gratitude No. 2

So my birthday passed rather uneventfully last Saturday. I have to say I was more than a bit disappointed that the total sum of the gifts I received was well below 500. In my despair I cried out to God asking why was this happening to me. Usually I speak to God through King Kong but he was going through his own issues so I did not want to burden him further with my troubles, no matter how great they were. Amazingly God replied!! I think cos it was my birthday, but who am I to question the reason. And he was like take a chill pill Gilbert, I am truly sorry your birthday turned out to not what you expected, but maybe you need to look within yourself as to the reason for that.

And so I did and I realized he was right (is God ever wrong?) .I realized I had been presumptuous and completely unfair to my friends. I had posted my wish on my Facebook wall and simply assumed they all would have read it like they do every other post of mine. But now it was clear that many did not! So I am grateful for the fact that I managed to realize this with a little help from the J man. I will be emailing everyone my post from earlier so that can send me the appropriately priced gifts. Nice thing is that for Tamils , we celebrate our birthday up to a month after the actual date so it’s actually ok to send belated gifts. But to those of you who read and did not bother, you are DEAD to me.

An honorable mention to those who threw the nice bbq for me , although I was forced to share it with another friend who shared the same birth date as me. I wasn't too happy about it cos he was kind of stealing half my thunder ( I even had to co-blow the cake), but i decided to let it slide because that's who I am.

Gratitude No. 3

I am grateful for the security guard at the VFS India Visa Center who told me to put away my phone even after I pointed out the no phone rule seemed to be ONLY for talking on the phone according to the sign. Even though I did not understand how looking at my phone screen could affect anyone in their office, it had the effect of letting me sit there in quiet contemplation for the next hour while I waited for my turn. For that I am grateful. II can’t remember the last time I had the chance to listen to the continuous crying of a baby or the angry shouts of the man who apparently had a photo that wasn’t acceptable after waiting for an hour and a half as he complained as to why they could not have showed samples of unacceptable photos on their website , a rather legitimate complaint.

When it come to my turn , I was told I needed a letter from the company in Singapore (I didn’t) as well as a letter from the company in India (I did). I apologised and asked if I could fax over the other letter on Monday but they said no , that I had to come in and queue again to resubmit my application. And this is where I am now typing this. So I am grateful for that either I wouldn’t have the free time to type this while I wait for another hour. Thanks!

Sunday, September 07, 2014

I've been book-challenged by Val to list 10 books that reveal my 'book-self'

In Chronological order

1001 Arabian Nights - Thie first book I could remember reading , think I was 11 or 12. I remember being fascinated by the stories of Alladin and Ali Baba.

The Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula Le Guin - Probably the reason for me getting into fantasy. I still think Rowling ripped her off.

The Belgariad/Mallorean by David Eddings - Extremely funny and amazing characters. And Ce'Nedra was freaking hot.

The Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean M Auel - To be honest I don't remember anything about this book except that it had these amazing sex scenes in it. Yes I was a young perv, but this was pre-internet and it was pretty shocking to me. I can't remember the number of times I borrowed the book from the library.

The Empire Trilogy by Raymond E. Feist, Janny Wurts - If you like Game of Thrones , you will like this as well. Only difference is the protagonist is a woman who basically fights for her family's political survival after the death of her husband.

The Winslow Boy - My literature text and I absolutely loved it! It was a play about a father who sacrifices everything to prove his boy's innocence after he was expelled for stealing.

1001 Nights without Sex by Suzanne Schlosberg - I found this to be really funny and I loved her sense of humor

The Reluctant Fundamentalist by Mohsin Hamid - I loved the narrative style here, it was really unique. And it was quite tense as well , especially the ending.

The Kite Runner - The book that shocked me the most. Really graphic and some heart wrenching scenes in this one.

The Princess Bride - Probably the funniest book I ever read that has torture scenes in it.

So yea basically they are either fantasy or humor , except 2.